Pope Benedict XVI called for a new world financial order guided by ethics and not the profit-at-all-cost mentality blamed for the global financial meltdown. The Pope then went and fingered the million dollar drapes in his bedroom.

British scientists claimed to have produced human sperm from embryonic stem cells. The scientists work in the X-rated wing at the stem cell research building.

On Monday, Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison for fraud. His lawyer had been pushing for 12 years, but the judge was happy to provide double-digit returns.

It was discovered this week that the Egyptian Lady Hor, a 2000 year-old mummy displayed in the Brooklyn Museum, is actually a man. Or at least she will be after the gender reassignment surgery.

A digital baseball card featuring Bo Obama, theWhite House dog, has gone online this week and is available for users to download and print. Bo catches right and growls right.

Fast food icon Pizza Hut is rebranding a significant portion of its chain as "The Hut" to appear more in touch with younger consumers. In addition, all of Pizza Hut's food will now be served undercover in trendier restaurants.

Kraft Foods of Australia announced this week that a creamier version of the food spread vegemite is hitting shelves after initial test results were overwhelmingly positive. The company expects that Australians in distant lands wordlessly proving their heritage to each other with sandwiches will be particularly overjoyed.

A new element dubbed Ununbium is to be added to the periodic table, that is approximately 277 times heavier than hydrogen, making it the heaviest element. Scientists estimate that Kirstie Alley is composed of 50% Ununbium.