H1N1 is such a menace these days that it's put a dung topping on American Health Care. Yes, the Swine Flu is such a harbinger of doom that human experimentation of the drug seems to be best left alone. If pigs can fly, let's just say a better health care system for U.S. Citizens seems as close as shoving a 1,000 pound sow through the eye of a hypo-needle. 

The fossil of a mini-T-Rex was discovered in China recently. It's a pygmy replication of the very large carnivore and is believed to be a downscaled version of the world's most voracious meat eating, killing machine. On a more human level, this little mini-me of T-Rex also has a family tree consisting of Dick Cheyne and some foreign leaders in Latin America, Asia and the Middle East. 

This week, President Obama delivered a speech to elementary, middle school and high school students regarding education. The speech had some parents ugly and angry over the President's intrusion into the youngster's lives. Some parents even kept their children at home the day after Labor Day, when the speech was given.

It's funny, but the shocking number of dissenting parents were school drop outs themselves, and / or never attended college classes.

An 83-year-old driver chased another man in a vehicle from New York to Connecticut after being rear-ended by the inebriated man. The oldtimer missed a wedding he was going to because he parked near the drunk's driveway until police arrived. And after helping to fill out police reports in two states, there was no time to make it to the wedding. Needless to say, there was no "shotgun wedding" involved. 

After a 17-2 loss to the Cubs Aug. 14th, the Pittsburgh Pirates managed to hold a séance after the game in honor of the late great writer Kurt Vonnegut. Vonnegut, who often wrote of time traveling in his novels, was summoned so the Pittsburgh team could return to the glory days of their baseball greatness, circa 1970s style.

A new toy that is fashioned with Michael Jackson's face and slim body has been banned by the U.S. Food & Drug Administration. Released by a Cocaine Cartel in Latin America, this dispenser shoots Morphine, Heroin and Cocaine out of Jackson's head and into the mouths of babes. On the up side of this issue, however, the Food & Drug Administration told Daily Comedy's team of investigative reporters that such a toy would not lead to harder drugs with children, though, because there are really no harder drugs on the street besides Morphine, Heroin and Cocaine.

That's easy - hire an ace driver and pay him $10 million per year and build a $76 million car. Oh, yeh, another thing - race until the car blows up.

Great-Great-Great Gammpa-paa Crazy Horse, of course!!!  

Ah Shunks, Fellers, I dunno - Put the old fool in an upcoming FearNet.Com role as a 2-bit character and find out!!!!

Actually, nobody should hate Fox & Friends all that much. Not with a rabies-inspired rage, anyhow. The first Amendment protects one and all, even Papa Mouse O'Reilly and Little Mouse Hannity. Fox & Friends isn't much further out to the right as most of us liberals are out to the left. Some Gregorian Middle ground may be in order once the world ends, let's hope.

[Some of us actually like Fox & Friends but keep it hush, hush, huh? After all, they pick up all the Monsterquest drivel that's left on the editing floor. Happy Birthday, Uncle Rupie, wherever and whoever you are or aren't]