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"Boys will be boys!"
Male
Registered on: 07/24/07
Location:
Jacksonville, FL
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/samuelsvargo
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Biography:
- the wise old observation above is a common saying of most of the world's wonderful Moms (and it's Mums, ol chap, if y'live in the U.K.)
- I am a writer who enjoys the NLHN as a workshop for comedy writers, comedians and all sorts of crazy weirdos who think they're funny - and some are very, very funny, by the way.
- You can see some of my writing on NLHN affiliates like The Frown and College Stories. I've even had a few thrown up on Points In Case, too. I'm a member of Dead Frog and The Phat Phree, too. Fraternize with me and the other idiots who just refuse to mature right here on Daily Comedy. Stay a minute or stay a month - it's all good.
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MINUTIA OF THE MINUTIA -
- My favorite way to pass time is to walk along the desolate beach looking for dying squid and shrimps, an occasional limpid, livid jellyfish or sometimes, a rare, suffering fangtooth.
- My favorite genre of music consists of old hootinanny songs made popular in the latter part of the 9th Century in the place that is now Slovakia.
- My favorite drink is Mississippi style iced sweet tea with just a trace of gasoline thrown in for prestige and worth.
- My favorite TV shows: watching nature shows wherein wild animals chase down, kill and eat other wild animals. I was raised by a pack of wild wolves in the Appalachian Natural Forest during my unruly late teen years. It was a howl!
- My favorite fashion model is Fred Flintstone. My second favorite fashion model is Elmer Fudd. My third - the bigfoot the Chinese space agency captured on film recently - this monster was photographed walking across the Martian landscape.
- My old English Comp Professor, Feducious T. Flynt, a full-time adjunct instructor, was burned at the stake for his religious and political heresies. He was loved by all his students at Tsunami State U. and had an enviable collection of fire-breathing dragons' teeth from the Yolastic Period of time on the Planet Zerrops in Solar System XXYYUU-1249482-OO in the Sombrero Galaxy.
- Once, I thought I was reincarnated as an alien lifeform on the Planet Zool in the XUI-1459416 Galaxy. Then I came to and realized I was actually at the Toledo Planetarium drinking a nice cool glass of uranium and munching on Plutonium chips.
I've been a fan of National Lampoon since my dear old Dad beat me senseless when he caught one of the old print mags under my bed. He was stark raving serious most of the time and his comedy was of the Red Skeleton-Jackie Gleason-Dean Martin vein. "NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO READ THIS JUNK PUBLISHED BY THESE PINKO COMMUNIST FREAKS" he shrieked while he beat me with his favorite tire iron. He was a pretty tough guy - he played college football AFTER he spent about a decade in the Army during WW-II. I sort of miss eating sardine sandwiches and watching Johnny Carson with the old man. He sort of tolerated me most times when I got out of my tween & teen years.
- The President of the United States only rules the world for eight years, tops; the NLHN rules the world forever and a day!!!
take note, please -
- All of this cesspool of stupidity that's linked directly to Sam Vargo's homepage on Daily Comedy is Copyright matter.
********All Rights Reserved:
if you want to borrow something, contact the officials at Daily Comedy or National Lampoon. Leave Sam Vargo the hell alone!!! If you actually want to steal something, go for something worth something like great paintings, rare gems or just kidnap some billionaire's pet iguana.
if you're dumb enough to steal from us, you're dumb enough for TruTV's World's Dumbest Criminals.
The wild-wild-crazy-fanged-animal-of-some-sort-or-another appears courtesy of http://www.free-avatars.com/ or at a site dubbed Nur Z Network. Thanks, friends!!!
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Today, a well-known and well-spun, slimy-sea-snail-like & ostentatiously glitzy business journal reported that blonde bombshell and celluloid vixen Pamela Anderson was named as Chairman of the Board, CEO, CFO and Secretary-Treasurer of The Global Goodtimes International Savings & Loan, based in Hell or High Water, W. Va.
- Pam's going to do about the same thing she's done for years and actually, she won't be doing anything very differently than the guy she's replacing did - look pretty, say nice things, drink a lot of alcohol with a fancy designer coffee cup thrown in for good measure, sit on the beach, sweet talk pretty people, count money and try to live an unreal life in a very crazy non-stop reality show called Corporate Communism's Manifest Destiny is to Rally, Unite and Empower the Big Wigs and later, Divide, Conquer and then, Consequently, Attack and Destroy all the Little People.
- Oh, and just one other thing we've gotta add here - Pam's gotta at least try to deflect and dodge the jabs and kicks of bad-ass raptor machine gun rock-n-rollers - ah, er, the Tommy Lees of this world, in other words; and so, in the words of the Daily Comedy investigative bad journalism team -
- Good luck, Pam, we know you can do it better than your predecessor! And you're a helluva lot more good looking and qualified than that bozo is, too!!!
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We're closed but we plan to open any day now. Keep in mind, we fired the old guard and hired a whole new board of corporate spin doctors who are now spinning a spider's web of economic stimulus packages. These include ciphering off an estimated $780 million originally earmarked for Hurricane Katrina victims in southern
Louisiana,
Mississippi and
Alabama that was inadvertently placed in a slush fund for slimy sea snail research in the
Aleutian Islands. Other funding will come from a derivative package put together by a legion of compulsive gamblers who all hold MBAs and were recently released from a federal prison for insider trading deals.
Please note above everything, we fired our old CEO, CFO and Chairman of the Board, who, by the way, was the highest paid Corporate welfare cheat in not only North America, but in the entire Milky Way Galaxy. Yep, we fired the old coot (actually, he was only 29) but all he did was play golf, drink $1,000 fifths of overpriced wine by the crateful and try to accost and dismantle each and every female mammal that crossed his path.
Don’t worry, we have it all covered. We’re blaming George W. Bush and the first and only Ed MacMahon of all U.S. VP's, Dick "Chainsaw" Cheney for all of this, friends. It’s all their fault!!! They’re responsible for the recent hurricanes, recent tectonic plate explosions and the mysterious win, place and show tickets that have placed a slew of losing trotters and pacers in the winner’s circle in recent weeks at Yonkers, Northfield Park, Meadowlands and other equine fantasy fields. That pair of Machiavellian Voodoo doctors! Hyaaaa!
We at the Global Goodtimes Bank say "Good Riddance to Bad Garbage!" Come on in & sit (or set) a spell. We've got the coffee on, er- ah- actually we have hot water, bring `yer own java beans. Actually, we’re in need of a little coffee maker, do any of you have an extra one?
- Global Goodtimes Bank Inc., a community-oriented global Savings and Loan Society
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A bunch of outraged, fistfighting, psychotic lipsticked hockey moms, Sarah Palin style; or some poor sot who just got shot with a machine gun at the North Pole, Sarah Palin style; or a boxing match after a hockey game breaks out, Sarah Palin style; or, a pit-bull fight on its last legs, Sarah Palin style; or, of course, the whole entire country, once Sarah Palin style goes to being President after being Vice President for a short while - after a very old man dies of natural causes, of course.
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