The F D A has approved the first diet pill for dogs:   It's called "barf"; no it's not but, the A.C.L.U. announced that they were filing a discrimination law suit againts the drug manufacturer on behalf of N.O.W., until clarification is made that the dogs in question are of the "canine" variety.

A new health report claims that suburban kids are fatter than urban kids.

Experts believe the urban kids are thinner due to the fact that they burn more calories dodging crack dealers and bullets from drive by shootings.  Researchers had to end the study early due to gang violence.

A Boston pharmceutical company is developing a nasal spray to fight obesity.  The spray is designed to block the smell of foods you like ..such as cinnamon buns, pies, french fries,etc.  To fight back the Cinnabon company is working on a new sticky bun thats disguised to look and smell like a head of broccoli.

A new report out this week states that marijuana is America's largest cash crop, generating over $35 billion dollars annually.

More than corn and wheat sales combined.

Nabisco and Frito Lay have decided to pull their snack products from store shelves and allow pot distributors to push their Chips Ahoy cookies and Fig Newtons directly to the stoners.

Hostess said they'll now sell Ho Ho's buy the ounce.

New research says that cow flatulence is responsible for nearly 30-80% of all global warming.

In response to this alarming news the Omaha Steak Co. is developing a hybrid cow that can be grilled using its own gas.

Al Gore proposes fitting all cattle with a catalytic converter.

A recent national governors conference studyed the possibility of introducing legislation that calls for mandatory emmissions testing of all cattle....studies are underway as to where exactly to insert the emmissions wand.

Date line San Diego California:

Sea World officials said that they were discussing why a killer whale attacked it's trainer during a "routine" show.

Maybe because it didn't have access to a 357 magnum or a giant bottle of sleeping pills.

 Taco Bell management puzzeled by e-coli outbreak at several restaurants:

Saying "We didn't think e-coli could survive inside one of our tacos!"

Defense Secretary nominee Robert Gates told members of a senate committee today "The United States was losing the war in Iraq."...The committee approved Mr. Gates nomination Immediately.

Fatma Omar aka "nana cuddles" strapped some c-4 to her depends undergarments on Thanksgiving and made her way to the closes Israeli check point with one thing in mind;  To get away from all the work that having nine kids and forty grandchildren brings with it.  coyly using the Israeli occupation as her excuse for martyrdom Nana merely succeded in slightly wounding a couple of Israeli border guards before being sent to her just reward...  72 males scrubbing and cooking just for her.

Her son was quoted as saying: "I'm going to miss mothers' home cooking.  No body could make hummus like her.

 It's flavor exploded in your mouth!"

After complaining that her rifle was bruising her legs and making her look bad in photo shoots Miss Israel was granted an exemption by the Israeli army high command from carrying her weapon.

In an unrelated story: Miss Al Queda complained that her suicide vest made her look "thick in the middle" she was told by her superiors not to worry, that she wouldn't have to carry it around....much longer.