After a night of drinking a bottle of vodka, a Swedish man woke up the next morning to discover the tattoo of a penis on his leg.  He later learned from his friends that he agreed to be tattooed as long as the artist had free rein on the design.

Feeling confident about their bribe and extortion case against 48 Hours producer Robert Halderman, CBS and David Lettermans' production company World Wide Pants, announces a new corporate name change. 

The new company will now be known as, World Wide Guess What's In My Pants. 

Ben and Jerry's, the Vermont based ice cream company is celebrating the states move to approve gay marriage by renaming the popular "Chubby Hubby" as "Hubby Hubby" for the next month.

The ice cream flavor is mostly vanilla , mixed with chocolate covered, peanut butter-filled pretzels, with a peanut butter ripple and filled with fudge.

Nothing says gayer than an ice cream with little tunnels of pretzels filled with peanut butter, brown swirly ripples followed by a fudge packing.

Smelly people and warm weather have forced a United Kingdom amusement park, to issue a warning to guests, to keep their arms down on all rides. 

The new "Say No To B.O." sign will posted below the "You Must Have All 32 Teeth To Ride This Ride" sign.

Billy Mays here for OxiMoron! 

Stubborn stains can make a pretty ugly mess of your household fabrics..  Not anymore!  Removing stains just got easier.  Just apply OxiMoron and watch that stain grow smaller and smaller, then virtually disappear.

Need help removing a Hot chili stain? No problem, use OxiMoron.

Fried ice cream, OxiMoron!

Jumbo shrimp, OxiMoron!

You will be terribly pleased with the great results.  OxiMoron even works on that expensive sleeveless T-shirt you bought last summer, or on your real polyester bedroom curtains.  It also works great on the surface of your authentic replica, plastic silverware.

We are not nearly finished!  It even works on rubber cement, non-alcoholic beer, and that vegetable beef soup your uninvited guest spilled last night.

You can spend a small fortune on household cleaners, but you won't.  Not until you unleash the power of OxiMoron!

John Joseph Houghtaling, the inventor of the Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed, which brought 15 minutes of "tingling relaxation and ease" for a quarter in hotel rooms across America, has died at age 92.

The family revealed that his tombstone will read:

R-R-R-R-E-S-S-S-S-T-T-T-T-I-N-N-N-N-P-P-P-P-E-E-E-E-A-C-C-C-C-E

Just two weeks after announcing his bid for a run for the Presidentcy, Republican Sen. John Ensign of Nevada admits to an extramarital affair last year with a young campaign aide.

Is this what Republicans mean by "Drill Baby Drill"?

Germany has banned the sale of Red Bull Cola energy drinks, after tests show it has traces of cocaine in it.  German officials complained that some of the symptoms after consuming the drink were, shrunken genitals, talking excessively fast and the constant urge to burp through your nose.

At a news conference, scientists reveal the full fossil remains of a small animal with four legs and a long tail. Later that day, Larry King called in to thank the scientists for locating his long lost cat. 

In Clinton, Maine a 500 pound moose jumped off an overpass on route I-95, falling 18 feet to it's death.  Witnesses say they overheard the moose scream before jumping,..."Hey Rocky, watch me fly over this guardrail!"