Gays can be so catty.  I have this gay friend who likes to pick out my flaws and he said, "how come your left eye is always red"  ?
I looked at him and said, "because, that's my cum eye"  .  [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Tue, 12 May 2009

I had the best day today, I went cruising around Los Angeles with the top down, wind in my hair, and without a care in the world.  I turned on the radio and they said they were several accidents caused by road rage, and then I realized I was one causing road rage. [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: News
Keywords: road rage funny stand up comedy
Added: Tue, 12 May 2009

I work at a Mexican restaurant and tommorrow is Cinco De Mayo.  I told my co-worker that we're going to be really busy and he said they're going to be even busier in Mexico.  I said, "why is that, because Cinco De Mayo is a National Holiday in Mexico" ,  and he said, "no, because of the Swine Flu"  .  [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: swine flu comedy stand up sortve funny
Added: Mon, 4 May 2009

I hate metrosexuals because they're always trying to rip off all our shit and take all the credit.  I saw this one metrosexual wearing this really cute scarf and said, "do you know what go really cute with that scarf, a dick in your ass"  .
I hate metrosexuals, those fake faggots.
I miss being called a faggot when it meant something.
  [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Political
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Mon, 27 Apr 2009

I'm so broke yesterday somebody broke into my used car and didn't steal shit, they just left a note on my steering wheel that said, "My Bad"  . 
They were even nice enough to lock my car doors. [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stupid car joke
Added: Fri, 24 Apr 2009

I'm not really into being tied up or anything, not because I'm claustophobic but because I'm too big to fit into those small places. [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Mon, 6 Apr 2009

I want to be a gay father but haven't found the right woman or women to have a kid with.  This Lesbian couple said they're looking for a donor to squirt and go.  That sounds like such a fast food restaurant, like I'd pull up to a drive through and say, "yeah hey, can I get some jizz, biggie size please"  . [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy gay
Added: Mon, 30 Mar 2009

One of my straight guy friends said he didn't want to have sex with me because he said he's not gay.
I said, "I don't care if you're gay or straight, at the end of the day it's all going to the same place"  . [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Political
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Tue, 24 Mar 2009

Whose there?
Corny!
Corny who?
Me so Corny !!!  [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Thu, 19 Feb 2009

It's hard being American Indian and gay.
Everytime I dance to house music, it rains.  [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Wed, 15 Oct 2008

It's hard dating white guys because they're really into role playing. The last white guy I dated wanted to be the Lone Ranger and wanted me to be Tonto. That's cool, I didn't have a problem with it except I don't think the Lone Ranger liked it when Tonto tried to fist him.
I guess he didn't like the way I played cowboys and Indians. [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Sat, 28 Jun 2008

I recently met my first East Indian Sikh. They're a lot different from the rest of the East Indian population. They eat meat, they swear, they're fun to be around... Basically if there were a trailor park community in India, that would be them. [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Political
Keywords: funny stand up comedy
Added: Thu, 12 Jun 2008

I recently saw Sex and the City with my mom. She said she liked the movie because it was very sophisticated. I looked at her and was like, "didn't one of those girls end up shitting on herself in the movie" ?
If that's sophistication then I'm a genius. [more]

Author: Charlie Ballard
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: funny stand up comedy jokes
Added: Thu, 12 Jun 2008