President Obama is being criticized for staying in Hawaii for the holidays after the failed terrorist attack onboard a Northwest Airlines flight Christmas day.  In his defense, his critics’ new screening processes wouldn’t let a man named Obama near a plane.

       New reports state that Charlie Sheen’s wife was arrested in 1996 for DUI, then later for cocaine possession.  Guess this answers that pesky question of, “How did you guys meet."

·        Despite a record senior season Brett Favre’s nephew is being passed over by major colleges for being too short.  Ironic considering his uncle comes up short every December too.

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·        A new book says that the carbon footprint of a pet dog is more than double that of an SUV.  And, like an SUV, the larger the dog, the smaller the owner’s penis.

·        Israeli officials have admitted to harvesting organs, including Palestinians in the 1990s. The news clarifies sausages labeled, “Arafatty.”

A Sonic manager in Missouri was arrested for cooking meth at the restaurant. Authorities were concerned that unchecked speed could cause a sonic boom. ·       A Sonic manager in Missouri was arrested for cooking meth at the restaurant. Authorities were concerned that unchecked speed could cause a sonic boom.

·        Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has been named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for preventing a second Great Depression.  Bernanke was responsible for the most manipulation of interest since Balloon Boy.

·        Four Fidelity Investments employees were fired for participating in Fantasy Football Leagues.  The newly unemployed investors were confused, saying it was their jobs to make good trades.

  Gatorade is scaling back their Tiger Woods campaign, ironic considering that they both share the slogan, “Is It In You?”

A drunken Chicago area man was caught riding down the road with a stolen Christmas tree on his bike handlebars.  The man said it was just like when he was six- he just woke up and his bike was under the tree.