A Kansas man has won the state lottery twice in one year.
Before you become green with envy, remember that the man lives in Kansas. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: News
Keywords: kansas lottery money midwest
Added: Mon, 10 Aug 2009

Brett Favre retired again, saying he will not play for the Vikings.
After the announcement, John Madden was seen sobbing, crying, then eating a triple-decker turkey sandwhich, followed by more crying.  [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Sports
Keywords: sports football favre madden nfl
Added: Wed, 29 Jul 2009

The toothbrush was invented 511 years ago in China. The technology is expected to make its way into Great Britain and Kentucky any day now. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: News
Keywords: hygiene teeth tooth redneck
Added: Fri, 26 Jun 2009

Scientists have discovered that the most massive black hole in existence weighs two to three times more than previously thought. In related news, fans of Val Kilmer have made a similar discovery. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: celebrities obesity fat weight
Added: Tue, 9 Jun 2009

Bret Michaels, singer for the 80s hair-band Poison, suffered a broken nose when he was struck by a piece of descending scenery at Sunday night's Tony Awards on Broadway. Sadly, the injury has robbed Michaels of his ability to smell desperate skanks from miles away. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: rock metal hair bands 80s music
Added: Tue, 9 Jun 2009

I don't really have a joke here. I just found it odd to see a headline with the words "harden" and "stance" involving a politician other than Larry Craig. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Political
Keywords: obama politics gay larry craig
Added: Sat, 6 Jun 2009

In his final press conference, President George W. Bush acknowledged that it was a mistake to display the "Mission Accomplished"  banner after the 2003 Iraq invasion.
Bush stated that instead, the banner should have read "Hey Eye-Rack-ees! I'm Not Done Freein' the Shit Outta You Yet."
  [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Political
Keywords: politics bush iraq
Added: Mon, 12 Jan 2009

Tom Cruise says that the Church of Scientology helped cure his disability.
Richard Simmons has announced he is joining the Church, stating "If they can cure that guy of being gay, there's hope for me yet." [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: tom cruise richard simmons church scientology gay
Added: Mon, 5 Jan 2009

Apparently, the medication is called "sunlight". [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: amy winehouse entertainment music drugs
Added: Tue, 25 Nov 2008

Announcing that his daughter is very ill due to drug use, Amy Winehouse's father called on drug dealers to help her recovery by refusing to supply her with crack cocaine.

Ironically, it worked for a few hours, because the crack dealers were doubled over with laughter and couldn't sell anything. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: amy winehouse crack
Added: Mon, 23 Jun 2008

An over-50 women's basketball league has instituted a "no-dunking" rule. This will be added to the list of rules that includes "do not play watchable basketball." [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Sports
Keywords: sports basketball wnba
Added: Mon, 23 Jun 2008

Poor Rick Perry. First the Texas Governor's mansion nearly burns to the ground, now there are rumors floating around that he's gay.

I'm not saying either way, but I can tell you that no 58-year-old straight guy should have feathered hair. In 2008. Hell, the Disco Era called and is threatening a lawsuit. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: News
Keywords: texas politics gay
Added: Wed, 18 Jun 2008

New "pro-life" pharmacies are opening up, designed to appeal to conservatives. They won't stock any contraceptives, but expect to find plenty of Rush Limbaugh-endorsed Vicodin, along with Mark Foley's favorite water-based lubricant. [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: News
Keywords: news politics religion
Added: Mon, 16 Jun 2008

Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O'Neal was arrested this past weekend for allegedly buying crack cocaine.

According to a police spokesman, she used her one phone call to contact her agent, to whom she stated "See? I can too get arrested in this town." [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: drugs hollywood police blotter
Added: Mon, 2 Jun 2008

Yesterday in Pennsylvania, Bill Clinton was recorded on audio telling a reporter "they [Obama] played the race card on me". Later, he claimed "I never said that".

When confronted again today, Clinton said "I am not Bill Clinton". [more]

Author: Dave Houston
Category: Political
Keywords: politics clinton obama
Added: Tue, 22 Apr 2008