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Live Show News: PunchlineMagazine.com's 3rd Anniversary Show with Greg Giraldo, Robert Kelly, Laurie Kilmartin, Ray Ellin, Christian Finnegan and more! October 7, 2008 at 8 PM ET Comix, NY
Get tickets now! or Call (212) 524-2500.
  
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"If it's not Scottish, it's sober."
Male
Registered on: 08/05/07
Location:
Austin, TX
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/davehouston
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Biography:
I'm a silky smooth, neurotic mess. But I clean up nice.
I'm a standup comedian, yet I'm not really a standup comedian. I'm more of a comedy writer with a microphone. Yes, that's right, the worst kind of hack imaginable. So, If I end up dead in a ditch, start questioning all "road warrior" comics immediately.
For more clips and other me-related stuff, go to http://myspace.com/dhcomedy.
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Page Views: 2028
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Jokes: 46
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Videos: 1
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Comments: 3
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Fans: 2
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Announcing that his daughter is very ill due to drug use, Amy Winehouse's father called on drug dealers to help her recovery by refusing to supply her with crack cocaine.
Ironically, it worked for a few hours, because the crack dealers were doubled over with laughter and couldn't sell anything.
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An over-50 women's basketball league has instituted a "no-dunking" rule. This will be added to the list of rules that includes "do not play watchable basketball."
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 Poor Rick Perry. First the Texas Governor's mansion nearly burns to the ground, now there are rumors floating around that he's gay.
I'm not saying either way, but I can tell you that no 58-year-old straight guy should have feathered hair. In 2008. Hell, the Disco Era called and is threatening a lawsuit.
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New "pro-life" pharmacies are opening up, designed to appeal to conservatives. They won't stock any contraceptives, but expect to find plenty of Rush Limbaugh-endorsed Vicodin, along with Mark Foley's favorite water-based lubricant.
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Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O'Neal was arrested this past weekend for allegedly buying crack cocaine.
According to a police spokesman, she used her one phone call to contact her agent, to whom she stated "See? I can too get arrested in this town."
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Yesterday in Pennsylvania, Bill Clinton was recorded on audio telling a reporter "they [Obama] played the race card on me". Later, he claimed "I never said that".
When confronted again today, Clinton said "I am not Bill Clinton".
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A commercial for a Hannah Montana concert was on my TV this morning. I'm looking forward to about fifteen years from now, when Miley Cyrus can sit around arguing with her dad over whose "Where Are They Now" special got higher ratings.
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Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison, who described Bill Clinton as the U.S.'s "first black president" a decade ago, has announced her support for Barack Obama.
In other news, Ms. Morrison is the recipient of a successful eye transplant.
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A nonprofit group has produced a new report documenting 935 false statements by Bush administration officials leading up to the Iraq war.
The report, titled "No Shit", was handed to a man named Sherlock.
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 Lindsay Lohan must work two days in a morgue as part of a court-ordered program.
"This'll be a piece of cake," Lohan predicted, "I spend pretty much every weekend surrounded by stiff guys."
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Chris Crash says:
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Thanks for the comment.
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Dave Houston says:
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Thanks. They tolerate me, they really, really tolerate me!
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Punchline Magazine says:
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congrats on being a guest star!
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