...Paris Hilton has filed suit against the National Enquirer after a reporter called her a "shithead".  Hilton then immediately filed suit claiming "defecation of character." 

...Meghan McCain has endorsed Hilary Duff to play her in the movie version of the book she hasnt written yet. 

...Baghdad has opened its first Ben & Jerry's ice cream store.  The most popular flavor is Iraqi Road.  A delicious combination of chocolate ice cream, with nuts, marshmallows, and schrapnel. 

...nine years after they met and unofficially wed in a ceremony in New Hampshire, Martina Navratilova is being sued by former partner Toni Layton.  When told Navratilova's worth is $80 million and how much did she feel she deserve, Layton replied, "About 40, love." 

...singer David Lee Roth has been sentenced by a Florida judge to spend 6 days in jail for numerous outstanding citations.  As per his plea bargain, all the brown M & M's will be removed from his prison chow. 

...Kirstie Alley, after blowing her diet & gaining 77 lbs, will be featured in a new prime time reality show this fall.  Join 16 contestants as they try their luck & skills on "Survivor: Kirstie Alley." 

...a fight broke out between Mexican-American & Mexican National inmates in the dining hall of the Tucson Correctional Facility.  One of the Mexican-Americans reportedly tried to serve the Mexican National salsa that was made in New York City. 

...a cereal factory was shut down after inspectors found mouse feces at the plant.  Kellogg's was fined an additional $1 million after selling the product to 3rd world countries under the brand name Kellogg's Frosturd Flakes. 

...South Carolina officials said a chickenhouse fire claimed the lives of 22,000 chickens that were set to go to market Wednesday...KFC is expected to announce the 99 cent Blackened Chicken Sandwich shortly. 

...Cher is standing by and supporting daughter Chastity's decision to have a sex change operation and become a man.  Cher is so supportive that she has decided to have a sex change operation also to become a woman.