I know that nobody wants to talk about this, but what does a guy do when he has Swamp Ass?  I'm sure that at least 100 out of 100 (100%(I graduated shop math, so I know)) men, at some time, either:

A:  Had farted, not realizing that their air/water separator was malfunctioning.  OR....

2:  Has "Ass Cleavage" and sweats profusely down their back into the canyon.

ALRIGHT... Hurry up and finish with the visuals...

Now, a man's swamp ass is as natural as a woman's period but, is not as accepted.  Women have all of the defenses.  Tampons, Pads, Panty-liners, and I would say etcetera, but I can't think of another one at this time.  Either way, You Women are protecting your underwear and covering your rotten fish smell.  We know that fish are seasonal.  A week out of every month, they're no good to eat (metaphore).  Sometimes, Men are (not)screwed because of their lack of protection.

O.K. now, the easy fix would be to quarter up a couple sheets of toilet paper and stick it where the sun don't shine right before the square dance.  But(hole), that might very well backfire on you at the end of the dance, when you try to discard the evidence that kept your underwear clean.

My salespitch...

The MANPON!!!

This amazing teabag looking absorbent little bitch of a package will suck up all of your nasty sweaty ass-juice, AND will prevent streak marks caused by overzealous farts!!!  All you do is take the extra long MANPON string and attach it to your shoe with the included MANPON clamp.  When you are ready to get...Luck...simply kick off your shoe, and it discretley pulls the MANPON into your pants, leaving no visible detection!

Be one of the first 100 callers, and YOU will also get the patented "Smellarama".  This attachment to the Manpon will not only amplify your gaseous gifts, but will add the aroma of an assortment of pleasurable odors.  Now your farts can smell like roses, sandalwood, pizza, or other proprietary blends!  That's a $100 value for FREE!!!

Now, let's not stop there!!  If you order Right Now, You will receive another MANPON and Smellarama package for free(you only pay for triple the shipping).  It will make a great gift for a friend, or your Grandma!!!

Order now while supplies last!!!

 I was golfing the other day and one of my feet was feeling cold.  I took off my shoes to investigate and realized that after years and years of walking the course, I had finally made a hole in one.

If a fart had no odor, people wouldn't raise such of a stink over it.

And have you noticed these days that silent farts are unheard of?

If you could see a fart, could you bite it?  I imagine that you could, but why would you take a bite out of something that tastes like Uhhhh...

 According to The National Education Forum, 90 out of 100 teachers believe that fraction reduction is a critical math skill.

There once was a man from Wiscasset

Who couldn't afford him a casket.

So he bought him an axe

and with a couple of whacks,

his wife fit quite well in a basket.