"I really enjoyed it."

Recently, when Li'l Tommy Gufferman asked his mom why he had to clean his room she said it will bring peace to the Mid-East. Tommy refused to clean and so the destruction of the Arab world continues.

A statement from one of Tommy's people says he's sorry for the situation over there but he just got a Nintendo Wii and he rather play that then clean his stupid room. Thanks Tommy.

 In an related story, American superstar Willie Ames was mauled to death doing his stand-up routine for a pack of wolverines. When Ames agent was asked why Ames was doing a show for the group of carnivorous mammals he responded with, "I give a f@#k? At least his career is going better than Kramer's. Did you hear what Kramer said?". Lembeck will be missed.

 According to the managers of  the Chicago House of Blues, attractive down syndrome victim, Kevin Federline took a Sharpie marker and wrote the following message on a dressing room mirror "Today I'm a free man. Ladies look out. Fuck a wife. Give me my kids bitch." - K.Federline. With writing skills like this it makes you wonder why his album sales have done so poorly. Being out sold by such discs like Mike Tyson's "Songs to Rape To" and Stephen Hawking's single "The Twelve Days of Christmas".

It has been reported that after the discovery of K-Fed's (I feel dirty just from typing that) deep message, he has been tapped to replace Daniel McGoarty as President Bush's head speech writer.