"John McCain loved Palin's debate performance. Matter of fact, he applauded so much, all the lights in his home kept on going on and off."

David Letterman

They are now putting to an end something called short selling.  Which is when you borrow stock that you don’t own and sell it hoping it will go down so that so you can buy it back at a profit. This was legal, but pot smoking isn’t?

Bill Maher

"For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means Dan Quayle."

Jay Leno

"Five kids? Does anyone in that party understand the concept of pulling out?"

Bill Maher