The chauffeur accused of trying to blackmail Yoko Ono was indicted and jailed without bail because the judge said he is a potential flight risk.  He was accused of threatening to release embarrassing photographs of Ono unless she gave him $2 million.

Donald Trump gave Miss USA a reprieve Tuesday, allowing the boozing beauty queen to retain her title after she agreed to enter rehab, undergo drug testing, and blow him.

The sixth Rocky movie opens tomorrow with a 60-year-old Rocky Balboa taking on the heavyweight champ for the purse – which doubtless contains several Mylanta, some Poligrip, and a Depends.

A federal judge sentenced "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis to pay a fine and do community service for filming drunken, naked, underage girls in raunchy videos – which many guys feel is a community service in and of itself.

By the way, I produce a show at Rascals in Montclair, NJ, called Girls Gone Funny.  Our next show is Wednesday, January 17th at 8:30pm.  Come on out and catch the show.  It beats prison.

Former world silver medal-winning cyclist Tammy Thomas was indicted on three counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice in the federal steroids investigation. She faces up to 20 years in prison for lying to investigators.  She told them she was a woman.

(This is really "her," folks.)

Because of a previous DUI conviction, if Nicole Richie is found guilty of her latest DUI charge, she will have to go to jail.  Of course, she’ll get right out by walking between the bars.

Outgoing U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan gave a farewell address in Missouri, where the audience was packed – perhaps with people trying to get their first glimpse of a black man.

Annan chose to speak at the Truman Presidential Library to contrast the presidential styles of Harry Truman, who ended a just war using the bomb, with George W. Bush, whose war ended up just bombing.

A career statesman, Annan used judicious language in his criticism of the Bush administration.  Here then is a dictionary of diplomatic doublespeak:

When Annan said, “America must not sacrifice its democratic ideals while waging war against terrorism,” he meant, “The President is a douchebag.”

When Annan said, “No nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others,” he meant, “No seriously, he’s a douchebag.”

And when Annan concluded, “The U.S. has a special responsibility to the world because it continues to have extraordinary power,” he meant, “And, he’s kind of an asshole.”

Under a proposed new law, all the residents of Cherry Tree, Pennsylvania, would own guns and know how to use them. Heck, it’s working out great in Iraq.

Mel Gibson's movie "Apocalypto" was No. 1 at the weekend box office, despite Mel’s drunk driving arrest and anti-Semitic rant and even though it’s not in English, has no big stars and includes beheadings. Usually films from anti-Semites that are not in English, have no big stars and include beheadings are only on al-Jazeera.

President Bush has a meeting with Iraq's Sunni vice president, Tariq al-Hashemi. The President said, “We’ve got to bring all the factions in Iraq together. The Shiites, the Sunis and the Sushis.”