I know I wasn't going to mention this again, but just when I said that, Madonna came along and took Rosie O'Donnell's side in "the feud" prompting me to sit up and take notice because...well let's face it...Madonna is like me in 2007...'edgy' and I need all the 'edgy' I can get.

Madonna was on Today today....I mean she was on the Today Show, which of course is on today, so I shouldn't have had to explain it...although...what if it was a rerun..what is it called? I hope it was on today, because if it wasn't I might have to say she was on Today yesterday...which is really confusing...and if she is going to be on tomorrow...um..that wouldn't be today...I wonder how they handle that....no wonder I never watch the show, I have absolutely no idea when it is on....no wait..it's on today...it was on today...it will be on again tomorrow...so I guess until tomorrow they con't call it anything...but now that I think of it, by the time you read this it will probably be tomorrow, which means Madonna couldn't be on Today because she was on yesterday...

Well...whenever she was on, if she was on, Madonna said she didn't think it was fair that people were giving Rosie a hard time...so in light of that, I am certainly going to lay off Rosie...not that I was ever on Rosie...err...

Madonna also said something that concerns me...ME....she said, "but I have a feeling that if every stand-up comic was penalized for saying politically incorrect things or provocative things, I think they'd all be hung in the public square."

I'm not comfortable with that...I mean hanging a deposed dictator is one thing...hanging a stand up comedian..not that I am a stand up comedian...I'm more of a sit down comedian...not that I am a comedian...I am a blogger...and proud of it...wow I am rambling tonight...I gotta find my medication....

Rod Stewart told Reuter's Life that he wasn't going to sing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" anymore. The 62 year old rocker feels he is just a little too old for that song. However, he is in pretty good shape, and is considering changing the lyrics to "Do Ya Think I'm Sixty?"

Rod has 7 children with 5 different women and is getting married for a third time this summer..(figure that out)Obviously his fiancee, Penny Lancaster thinks he is sexy...

On another note, (get it? 'note' music...the above paragraph...duh)The Dixie Chicks are going to be on the Grammy Award Show this year...yuck...can't say I am a fan...in fact I am removing their name from this blog, in order to avoid giving them any free publicity...and starting over...so instead of what you just read, read this:

The D_ _ _ _ C_ _ _ _ _ will be on the Grammy Award show this year. Like Rod Stewart, they won't be singing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" because there is no point...

Well that's about it for tonight, or I thought it was until I stumbled across this little gem...it seems the U.S Defense Department have told American contractors to be on the look out for Canadian coins which may have a tiny radio transmitter hidden inside...

The Canadian government, while denying any knowledge of the coins, is pretty excited, it's the first time in years Canadian money has had any value in the United States....

Don't forget to check out http://robertparker.blogspot.com

Hey Gang, Welcome back to The View From Silverhorn Mountain.

Sad news to report today, the United States has lost it's 38th President, Gerald R. Ford. President Ford was President Ford for about 895 days back in the early 1970's. Although he turned down several invitations to Silverhorn Lodge, well..... actually he never  replied to our invitations, although we did have a nice visit from some Secret Service chaps who stayed for tea one afternoon....nonetheless we always had a special place for him here on the mountain. He seemed like a nice man....President Ford was 93 years old when he cashed in his presidential seal...and speaking of seals...or dolphins... 

As you know, our research has shown animals are acting strange these days, and some are striking back in one form or another, take Boo the Bear, Hoppy the Irish Kangaroo and of course, Crusty Croc. Well add another one to the list. We now have Dick Dolphin, a New Zealander who put a woman in critical condition in hospital after he jumped into her boat and crushed her....

Apparently a 27-year-old woman had been watching from the bow (that means the front) of the small boat cruising among the marine mammals off the North Island's Coromandel Peninsula on Tuesday when the bottlenose dolphin landed on her, the New Zealand Herald said. Experts, (where would we be without them) say if the dolphin had a bottle stuck on his nose, that may explain his actions.....

Not happy to just crush a woman and leave, this guy also smashed the boats windshield and bow rails. Witnesses say he gave one of those high pitched Flipper laughs and then flipped them the..eh...well flipper, before jumping back into the water. 

Another expert, reportedly from the Coast guard, trying to sound like a...well...an expert, said the dolphin probably got over-excited and jumped on to the boat.....uh-huh...and duh....you can count on an expert to turn up and explain it to us dummies....this expert was breaking new ground...er..I mean water...because he added that he had never heard of such an incident before. Well obviously he doesn't read The View From Silverhorn Mountain because we reported on just such a similar incident some time ago.  Frequent readers will remember the 'indepth' report we did regarding sturgeons leaping into boats in Florida, if you don't remember you can find it <a href="http://robertparker.blogspot.com/2006/08/">HERE</a>

Experts....hmmmmmmphfff!!!

In other totally unrelated stuff, the world's oldest hockey stick, circa 1850 (I have absolutely no idea what circa means but all the antiques 'experts' say it) recently sold for 1.9 million american dollars....whew...Not bad for an old piece of hickory...It is going to be displayed at the Hockey Hall of Fame in Montreal...the building is probably not worth as much as the old stick.

The buyer, who made the purchase on an internet auction, is an unclothed Canadian man who plans to store the stick in the Hall of Fame until he decides what to do with it...oops...I think that should read "Undisclosed" not "unclothed" although after spending 1.9 mil on a hockey stick, who knows, sounds like he bid the shirt off his back....

Ok, lets leave Canada for a second and travel down to North Platte, that is in Nebraska, which is a nice name but doesn't stir up much emotion for me...well, it seems a stink at the county jail has landed a man in court. It seems Brian Bruggeman, may have...well...passed a little gas a little too close to another inmate by the name of Jessie Dorris...or Dorris Jessie, you can't be too sure with those reversible names...Well, I guess the gas leak started a little bruhaha between the two ah...er...smellmates...I mean cellmates..and ended up with Bruggeman shoving Jessie's head into the cell bars.

Now Bruggeman is enjoying some extra time in the crapper..no, I mean slammer, waiting for a preliminary hearing on January 11th. It seems the charges could earn him an additional  couple of years in prison.

Brad Dawson, Bruggeman's attorney, didn't offer much in the way of comment to our Silverhorn Researchers, but did say his client planned on causing quite a stink over this.....

Well I think I have done enough damage for one night......

Hey Gang! Welcome up to Silverhorn Mountain. Well, Marcello and the rest of the garden gnome boys have been at me lately to respond to some of the hundreds of letters, post cards and emails we have received here at the Lodge since we began posting.

Yes, we get letters (well actually no letters) and emails here all the time, many of them are not really for us, but we open them anyway....

So, after careful reflection, meaning I can't come up with a better idea after thinking about it for five or six seconds, I have decided to go for it.

So lets see what is in the old IN box.

The first one is from someone who's email is thewife@silverhornlodge.com who writes to say, "I'm leaving you, your clothes are all in the septic tank, and I have closed our bank account. You and your gnomes can go to Hell!!"

I wondered where my clothes were....

This one is from someone named Maggie, who sent us a short, but somewhat confusing email that merely says, "Where the Hell is my freakin'&*&$#& t-shirt that you promised to send me after I won your freakin'^&%$#$%contest???....and oh, by the way, Love your blog...is Marcello still single?"

Then we had one from Karl, at karl.crazymail.com who wrote to say, "I can't wait to win a t-shirt."  The contest is over Karl...stop sending emails...I told you it's oooovvvvveeerrr!!

We recently received a nice email from Boothebear@nownutless.com wanted to thank us for all we had tried to do for him in his bid for freedom. Boo said that he didn't think he would be making any more escape attempts...there just didn't seem to be any hard reason to leave.... At least I think that is what he was trying to say, it was hard to read the email, it was covered in bear slobber.

We had several emails from someone at Reuters News, Yahoo, and Time Magazine, politely thanking us for reprinting their news articles and explaining the meaning of "plagerism"  Wow! Who knew....??? I'd print their emails here, but....well...they appear a little touchy about that.

Digging a little deeper in the trash, oops!! I mean IN box, we had several emails from rocket scientists, that were not too complimentary about me or brain surgeons, but it all evened out because we had quite a few from brain surgeons who were not too complimentary about me or rocket scientists....they are full of big words, but I get the gist of it...I responded to both of them by saying that I heard the lawyers at Reuters, yahoo and Time Magazine think brain surgeons and  rocket scientists are not all that bright....that will throw them off of me for a little while....

And yet another, this one from soontobeexife@havinganaffair.silverhorny.com who wrote a kind of cryptic message that our Silverhorn Lodge Cryptologists Team (SLCT)had trouble making sense of...however, they think it says, "Go Tuck Yourself"  which doesn't mean much to us here, perhaps one of our readers might be able to shed a little light on it...

I can't tell you the numbers of not so nice emails we have received following our Crusty the Croc posts and other alligator stories. Most of them are difficult to read, they look like they were typed by people missing fingers and hands.....

Letourneau@inprisioncauseIsleptwithmystudentmail.com wrote a very suggestive letter to Marcello a couple of months back. Seems she is unhappy in her current relationship, indicating her husband has grown a little too tall, and wondering if Marcello might like to go out on a date.....

We had a rather official looking email from the Silverhorn Mountain Highway Patrol, (SMHP)who have politely asked me to roll up my window on the old Tracker if I am going to insist on speeding down the mountain singing "Born To Be Wild"....apparently I screwed up there radar gun...

Someone at CRAP, the Caper Regional Aeronautics Program, you remember them, they plan to build rockets in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, dropped us a short note, simply saying "lay off"....I am not sure if that was a warning, or a notice that the CRAP was in the crapper and they were inviting me to the celebration....

Those of you who come here often are well aware the pure bliss that I get from making fun of people who wear the newest footwear rage, Alligators...er...no, Crocs...well...little did I know that any Croc wearers were intelligent enough to be able to read....I had several emails regarding crocs, the most memorable being one from sally@yesiamanidot.com who wrote to say that she wore them because she liked people to laugh at her behind her back...This substantiates my theory that the person who came up with the Crocs has a heck of a sense of humor....

There were several more pathetic attempts to convince me that these...um...shoes were the greatest thing since bottled water...I cannot print them all here, but I feel I should at least give a few of them honorable mention by posting their email address' and suggesting those of you who agree with me inundate them with smilely face icons...
So here goes:

Malcolm@Iliketowalklikeaduck.quackerspot.com
Sylvia@doyouthinkiamsexy.nope.com
Marcus@yesiamoutofthecloset.com
Peter@ineverwasinthecloset.com
Karl@ishouldbeputinthecloset.yup.com
Karen@iamtoooldforsexyshoes.patheticblog.com
Candy@willievergetlaidwearingcrocs.notlikely.com
Julia@iwishilivedinawindmill.com
Cindy@whyarepeoplelaughingatme.itsyourshoes.com
Wendy@theyaresocomfortable.nevergetlaid.com
Maggie@whereismy*&$#@$#t-shirt.com

Ok...I will let the Croc thing go...for tonight...

Anonymous@binnhidinginthemountains.pakistan.com wrote several weeks ago, saying something that we didn't understand at first, but has since been translated by the Silverhorn Lodge Received Foreign Email Translation Team (SLRFETT). The boys aren't positive of all the words, but loosely translated they say it says,
 "Na-Na-Naaa-Na-Naaaa" 

Finally, this just in today, we got one from theexwife@silverhornlodge.cum that says simply, "Ricardo is wonderful. Bye Sucker"

hmmm....perhaps I have been spending a little too much time at this blog.....

Todays Silverhorn Lodge Quote "Don't email us- we'll email you" - Marcello

Hey Silverhorners and those of you visiting who are not Silverhorners but want to be....Welcome to Silverhorn Mountain! Things have been quite busy here at Silverhorn Lodge, situated on the shores of shimmering Silverhorn Lake, high atop majestic Silverhorn Mountain.

The Christmas crescendo is gaining strength, city stop lights are blinking a bright red and green as the shoppers rush home with their presents, its getting close to Christmas time on the mountain. We had our first Christmas party last night, and it's one after the other from here on. Silverhorn Lodge is a popular Christmas party destination, perhaps because a lot of people think I am really Santa and the garden gnomes are the reindeer...yeah, I said, reindeer...a lot of people are stupid...I told you that before...if anything the garden gnomes resemble Santa's Elves, not his friggin' reindeer.....

This is a tough time of year for some folks, it can be a financially stressful time, and it can be a lonely time, keep that in mind as you go gleefully through the season, but if you want to see real stress, take a look at a turkey....from October to December the poor little fellers are on everyone's wish list. Canadian's are plucking them like crazy in October for their Thanksgiving, and then the Americans go at them with a carving knife in November for their Thanksgiving and then comes Christmas and the real slaughter begins....I guess a turkey doesn't have much to give thanks for until January....

But, as I have been telling you all for some time now, the animals are starting to get smarter....or at least trying to get smarter. Take for example a bunch of wild turkeys that tried to board a train in New Jersey, heading to Suffern New York. Now I don't know how much safer they would be in Suffern, but that's where they were headed. Personally, I don't like the sound of a place with the name 'Suffern' sounds a little too much like 'sufferin' to me...but I digress....

Unfortunately for the Turkey's the railway 'officials' (I know, I know, those dam officials) had them on surveillence cameras the entire time, and there was little hope of them escaping. A local volunteer group, I believe called the Ramsay Rescue Squad were monitoring the situation as well...why I am not sure...

Speaking of turkey, Silverhorn congratulations to 21 year old Patrick Bertoletti from Chicago who won the annual turkey eating contest, (we love eating contests here at Silverhorn Lodge) at Arni's Deli. Patrick chowed down 4.8 pounds of turkey in 12 minutes....now this is definitely not someone you want visiting for Christmas Dinner...

Patrick told reporters his strategy is to eat the breast first, because it takes a little longer....hmmm...sounds like a strategy I like to employ when the....oops never mind...

Moving away from breasts...but still talking about turkeys...did you hear about the latest foolishness from PETA, which I believe stands for People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals? Now this is a bunch of looney birds if there ever was....I seldom like to get ranting on The View From Silverhorn Mountain, as you know...but...

It seems a pastor at a church in Anchorage Alaska got an email from PETA giving him the dickens (no, not Dickens Christmas Story) for cruel treatment of animals because he featured them in a Nativity scene in his little parsonage. 

Peta said he was subjecting animals "to cruel treatment and danger," by forcing them into roles in the church's annual manger scene. The problem is, because it is so dam cold in Anchorage Alaska, the church doesn't use real animals...nope....real people but fake animals...besides...it's difficult to get a polar bear to play a sheep even if it is for a good cause...

Now folks...this gets really ridiculous from here on...I don't blame you if you want to scroll on to the next post, or just move on to another blog entirely....sometimes even I don't like this stuff...These bozos at PETA actually have a 'captured animal in entertainment specialist' who spends his time tracking churches that use real animals in 'living nativity scenes'  Couldn't we find a better use for someone like this...maybe in Iraq...

Anyway this bozo actually said that animals in nativity scenes "are subject to all sorts of terrible fates....animals have been stolen and slaughtered, they've been raped, (RAPED!!!??? In a Nativity scene!! OK ya gotta prove that one...I just don't believe that one...)  they've escaped from the nativity scenes and have been struck by cars and killed, OK I will buy that one. The spokesperson continued saying,"really unfathomable things have happened to them...." Really unfathomable or really unbelievable)

So they wrote a letter to the pastor, only to find out the 'animals' are a really a puppet camel, and a hood that a person puts on to look like a cow...So the People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals can't even tell a real animal from a puppet....OK, send the kids to bed...I gotta say this...@#@#...!%$%...$$#& and this...&%@#...OK, I feel a little better now....

The pastor said, "We even use a plastic baby." But then..no one asked about the baby did they...?

Well I gotta go, I gotta go bring the dog in, it's getting cold and he isn't all that keen on pretending to be a drunken wiseman at the Silverhorn Mountain Lodge Annual Christmas Nativity Scene and Flea Market....

By the way, The View From Silverhorn Mountain has just been listed in the latest edition of the Carnival Of Comedy. They listed us under the heading of blogs that are "Real Funny"...I dunno why...anyway......you can see it, the link I mean... <b><a href=" http://www.xanga.com/TheYFactor/535503482/carnivl-of-comedy.html">by clicking here...</a></b>

<a href="http://technorati.com/tag/[nativity + scene]" rel="tag">nativity scene</a>
<a href="http://technorati.com/tag/[turkey + eating]" rel="tag">turkey eating</a>
<a href="http://technorati.com/tag/[PETA]"

Hi Silverhorners! I'm just back from the Silverhorn Mall, where I have been pounding the terrazo tile doing my Christmas shopping. Well actually the wife was doing most of the shopping, I was doing a lot of standing around, and a certain amount of sitting. Thank Santa for those benches in the malls. My poor old legs are done wore out....If it wasn't for the Britney Spears calenders and books in the bookstore, I wouldn't have been able to stand it. (sorry I had to throw in a mention of Britney, it does wonders for the hits to this blog)

I love the book store, I treat it like the library. In fact tonight I read a book on blogging, a magazine on World War II which was very interesting, and glanced at several swimsuit calenders...looking for the articles of course...oh yes, I also flipped through Belinda Stronach's biography looking for nude pics but didn't find any...guess I won't be asking Santa for that one...

After about two hours, the bookstore clerk seemed to be getting a little annoyed with me, so I figured I better get out of there. I asked if I could borrow a bookmark, so I wouldn't lose my place, I figure I will be back there tomorrow or the next day, the Wife isn't finished with my shopping yet.

I did have a little fun, the wife was trying to buy some alcoholic drink dispensers, the kind that go in the top of the bottle and measure a drink...I guess she figures my method of pouring and then looking until I figure it's enough is not very accurate...maybe not, but it sure gets you drunk fast...

So she asked me if I saw any. I said no, but she should ask the storekeepers, after all, that's what they are waiting for, someone to ask them something. I think she thinks they are just there to say "Hi, How are you tonight?"

She said she would, but didn't know what they were called. I said, "Friggers, they are called, Friggers"

She looked at me, but I gave her my most innocent, serious, 'I am tired and want to get home to the couch and my TV remote' look, so she turned and went back inside the store.

I got up and slowly strolled inside the store behind her, pretending I wasn't with her....I was casually admiring some porcelin figurines of little old ladies sewing scarfs when I heard her ask the guy behind the counter, "Do you have any of those little friggers around here?"

The look on the clerk's face was enough to almost make me fall over on the figurine display laughing, but somehow I maintained my composure, and strolled up to the counter. "Excuse me Ma'am." I said, in my most suave voice, "I believe you are looking for 'jiggers' and they are right over there, beside the figurines.....I looked at the store clerk and rolled my eyes...he rolled his back.....

I turned and beat a hasty retreat out of the store and back to my bench....

Hey Silverhorners! Compliments of the Silverhorn Season...in our bid to take over the world through blogging, I am subtly changing the names of all the big holidays to Silverhorn something...it's only a matter of time, so you might as well get on board now while there are still some good seats available...

Apparently the wife is wishing for a whole lot more, and I am up against it...as usual...the shop vac idea of a few years ago didn't go over very big, and buying her the accessories for it the next year went over even worse...oddly enough I am reminded of that little faux pas ( or is it foh pah) this time every year...car mats and electric drills are out too...believe me...

So after racking my brain until it hurt, and laying awake at least 30 seconds each night worrying about it, I decided to take a different route, yes, I am reduced to the gift certificate...that old husband stand by....so tonight I casually mentioned I thought that I might get the gnomes gift certificates this year, just to see what she might say...she said, "Yes, that's a good idea."

"Wow!" I thought...until she continued...

"Good idea to get the gnomes...but I don't want any...hmmmfff (she makes that funny noise when she is miffed...)I would hope you would put more thought into my gift than a gift certificate."

"Umm...yeah...oh of course dear." I answered, "I wouldn't think of it.." Then I tried to look mysterious and knowledgeable, raising one eyebrow, (although I think they both went up because they are joined in the middle) I said, "I have a couple of great ideas to get you this year, yup,  are you ever going to be surprised....."

Sooooo....I think you see my little dilemma...if you don't you haven't been reading this blog very long...Folks, I have absolutely no great ideas...about anything, let alone what to buy her....

Now I know this has probably been done to death, but I gotta say it. It seems that we are soon going to  know what Scottish soldiers are wearing under their kilts...or not wearing. It seems the army forgot to buy kilts....all they have left is enough for one in every fifteen soldiers. So when the lads (that's Scottish for men) come back from risking life and limb on the streets of Afganistan or Iraq, they have to slip off their kilt and pass it to the next guy going out on tour...hmmm...

I'm told it has created quite a lineup of Iraqi ladies outside the gates of the Scottish barracks waiting to watch the 'changing of the guard' so to speak. One of them was heard to remark, "ooooooohhhhhh" which I am told by Marcello, who claims to speak fluent Iraqi, means "oooooooohhhhhh" in English.

It's also sparked a entire new lineup of bagpipe jokes.....

I'm told that Britney Spears got her inspiration for clubwear from watching some of the Scottish lads....and speaking of Britney, and you know I am gonna....it's time now for
<strong>The Britney Spears Chronicles</strong>

On to Britney Spears nude, errr, I mean news, not Britney Spears Nude, oh my, I guess that was another one of those little faux pas or foh pazzzz, anyway, it seems Britney has been named the world's worst dog owner...by the same group who in a previous year named Oprah Winfry the worlds best dog owner...Britney, in an unoffical statement is reported to have said,

"Well if they are so worried about my dog, perhaps they will stop talking about my pussy!" See Ya!!

Hey Silverhorners! Welcome back to Silverhorn Mountain. It's Tuesday and you all know what that means...ummm....ah...well...I'm not sure but it means something.....

Another great day around the Silverhorn as we prepare for our next Christmas Party bash to be held this coming weekend. Everything is ready, just a matter of packing in the participants and we are off on another party odessy. Be sure to book your party here next year, unfortunately we are fully booked this year, sorry, I know that is disappointing.

<strong>AM I STUPID?</strong>
Marcello and his great team of Silverhorn Researchers have been hard at work and found this little gem for the Am I Stupid? category. It seems a bank robber in Vienna, left his bank card at the bank...duh..it seems he checked his balance before deciding to hold up the bank, forgetting to get his card back. He is going to have 4 years in the slammer to think about it. OK, forgetting your bank card is one thing, but, this guy returned to the bank to deposit some of the money he had stolen, and at the same time reported his card lost.....I think it is safer for him if he just stays in jail...

<strong>I AM STUPID</strong>
And from the <strong>I am Stupid files</strong>, a fellow from Wichita (he might have been the Wichital Lineman we're not sure) called the police to report a robbery. Yes, this guy wanted the police to track down the perp who robbed him of $1100.00 worth of marijuana.

The police, always pretty sharp about stuff like this, brought in a drug sniffer who located more marijuana in the guys house. Nope, they didn't catch the robber, but they did manage to book a room at the county jail for the victim.

<strong>OTHER STUFF</strong>
In other stuff, Tony Soprano, ah no, actually James Gandolfini, has claimed the crown as the monarch Bacchus for the New Orleans 2007 Carnival. I gotta mention, I like the name Gandolfini...it's got a ring to it...Gandolfini...say it out loud....

Anyone who doesn't participate in the carnival...well....it's business...just business...sorry...but we gotta whack ya....We are thinking about putting a Silverhorn Mountain Float in the parades. The gnomes are busy building a plaster of paris lifesize Silverhorn Mountain now.

<strong>THE CONSPIRACY CONTINUES - SILVERHORN RESEARCHERS ARE ON THE CASE</strong>Well well...it seems my penchant for conspiracy theories is paying off...a French jeweller made it known today that Dodi Al-Fayed (doesn't roll of the tongue like Gandolfini does it?) and Princess Diana, purchased an engagement ring  before they were killed in a "car crash" in Paris. The happy (up until then) couple picked up the ring hours before the fatal crash.

This is apparently substantiated by a receipt and a close circuit television tape dated August 30, 1997. These were turned over to authorities, (similiar to officials, but with more authority) who were investigating the crash.

For the benefit of those of you who just came back from a 10 year odsessy in the wilds of Borneo, the crash was blamed on the driver of the allegedly apparently possibly likely recently engaged couple, a mysterious little fellow by the name of Henri Paul. I dunno about you, but I am always suspicious of guys who have two first names as their name...take for example, Robert Parker...

Investigators say Henri Paul was drunk, high on prescription drugs and driving too fast.

The soon to be released report is expected to confirm the findings of the French investigation that it was an accident, not a plot by British intelligence and others.

Aha! Tell that to Dodi's father, who is convinced that the couple were killed in an elaborate plot by MI6 (British Intelligence...if I tell you anymore than that, I have to kill you) and was covered up by the establishment including the Royal Family...this is juicy stuff folks and we here on the Siverhorn Investigative Research Team (SIRT) are not going to let it go easy...we're all over it. Agent Marcello is trying to book a flight to London tonight...unfortunately, owing to a little passport mishap involving a some snakes on a plane, I can't go....

OK, I can buy that he was drunk, but how did he get drunk? Why was he allowed to drive? His being drunk doesn't rule out a conspiracy...c'mon...think about it..I'm drunk most of the time, how else do you think I can write this stuff...that doesn't mean I can't take part in, or be victim of a conspiracy if one comes along...

<strong>Tomorrow night...Was the US Secret Service bugging Diana's phone? The Conspiracy Continues. </strong>

<strong>BRITNEY NEWS</strong>
OK, I give up all pretense, I am a Britney Spears convert, and I have decided to dedicate a sextion (oops ha ha) of this blog to Britney regularly in a blatent attempt to get her attention.

Britney Spears has been reading these posts and seems to be cleaning up her act, snagging a new beau and a nice pair of panties. Talk around the celebrity set here on Silverhorn Mountain is that Britney has found a new love interest in a chap by the name of Jonathan Rotem, who, because people have trouble remembering his name, call "JR"

JR is a panty manufacturer from LA, oops no, little typo there, he is actually a music producer which is convenient since Britney is into music.

It seems the only reason Brit was running around without her shorts, and causing the big paparazzi blogger bruhaha was an attempt to win the My Guy Pillow, a male torso shaped pillow awarded to the celebrity most in need of a pillow shaped like a guy. The pillow comes from a company called Kemry Corp, who's slogan is When Your Guy Won't Cuddle, My Guy Will...it's slogans like that which get a people in trouble. Fans voted for Britney, in an attempt to try and tame her down a bit, and get her back on track as she (close your eyes if you are under 21) 'mounts her comeback'...

So now the big blogger question is...who is her comeback?

Does anyone recall the words to Wichital Lineman? Glen Campell song...
<em>"I am a lineman for the counteeee and I drive the back roads....searching in the wires for anotherrr overrrload....and I need you more than want you...and I want you for all timmmmmee, and the Wichital linemannnn is still on the linnnnneeeeee"</em>

EVERYBODY NOW SING!!

Hey Silverhorners! Welcome back to Silverhorn Mountain. It's Tuesday and you all know what that means...ummm....ah...well...I'm not sure but it means something.....

Another great day around the Silverhorn as we prepare for our next Christmas Party bash to be held this coming weekend. Everything is ready, just a matter of packing in the participants and we are off on another party odessy. Be sure to book your party here next year, unfortunately we are fully booked this year, sorry, I know that is disappointing.

<strong>AM I STUPID?</strong>
Marcello and his great team of Silverhorn Researchers have been hard at work and found this little gem for the Am I Stupid? category. It seems a bank robber in Vienna, left his bank card at the bank...duh..it seems he checked his balance before deciding to hold up the bank, forgetting to get his card back. He is going to have 4 years in the slammer to think about it. OK, forgetting your bank card is one thing, but, this guy returned to the bank to deposit some of the money he had stolen, and at the same time reported his card lost.....I think it is safer for him if he just stays in jail...

<strong>I AM STUPID</strong>
And from the <strong>I am Stupid files</strong>, a fellow from Wichita (he might have been the Wichital Lineman we're not sure) called the police to report a robbery. Yes, this guy wanted the police to track down the perp who robbed him of $1100.00 worth of marijuana.

The police, always pretty sharp about stuff like this, brought in a drug sniffer who located more marijuana in the guys house. Nope, they didn't catch the robber, but they did manage to book a room at the county jail for the victim.

<strong>OTHER STUFF</strong>
In other stuff, Tony Soprano, ah no, actually James Gandolfini, has claimed the crown as the monarch Bacchus for the New Orleans 2007 Carnival. I gotta mention, I like the name Gandolfini...it's got a ring to it...Gandolfini...say it out loud....

Anyone who doesn't participate in the carnival...well....it's business...just business...sorry...but we gotta whack ya....We are thinking about putting a Silverhorn Mountain Float in the parades. The gnomes are busy building a plaster of paris lifesize Silverhorn Mountain now.

<strong>THE CONSPIRACY CONTINUES - SILVERHORN RESEARCHERS ARE ON THE CASE</strong>Well well...it seems my penchant for conspiracy theories is paying off...a French jeweller made it known today that Dodi Al-Fayed (doesn't roll of the tongue like Gandolfini does it?) and Princess Diana, purchased an engagement ring  before they were killed in a "car crash" in Paris. The happy (up until then) couple picked up the ring hours before the fatal crash.

This is apparently substantiated by a receipt and a close circuit television tape dated August 30, 1997. These were turned over to authorities, (similiar to officials, but with more authority) who were investigating the crash.

For the benefit of those of you who just came back from a 10 year odsessy in the wilds of Borneo, the crash was blamed on the driver of the allegedly apparently possibly likely recently engaged couple, a mysterious little fellow by the name of Henri Paul. I dunno about you, but I am always suspicious of guys who have two first names as their name...take for example, Robert Parker...

Investigators say Henri Paul was drunk, high on prescription drugs and driving too fast.

The soon to be released report is expected to confirm the findings of the French investigation that it was an accident, not a plot by British intelligence and others.

Aha! Tell that to Dodi's father, who is convinced that the couple were killed in an elaborate plot by MI6 (British Intelligence...if I tell you anymore than that, I have to kill you) and was covered up by the establishment including the Royal Family...this is juicy stuff folks and we here on the Siverhorn Investigative Research Team (SIRT) are not going to let it go easy...we're all over it. Agent Marcello is trying to book a flight to London tonight...unfortunately, owing to a little passport mishap involving a some snakes on a plane, I can't go....

OK, I can buy that he was drunk, but how did he get drunk? Why was he allowed to drive? His being drunk doesn't rule out a conspiracy...c'mon...think about it..I'm drunk most of the time, how else do you think I can write this stuff...that doesn't mean I can't take part in, or be victim of a conspiracy if one comes along...

<strong>Tomorrow night...Was the US Secret Service bugging Diana's phone? The Conspiracy Continues. </strong>

<strong>BRITNEY NEWS</strong>
OK, I give up all pretense, I am a Britney Spears convert, and I have decided to dedicate a sextion (oops ha ha) of this blog to Britney regularly in a blatent attempt to get her attention.

Britney Spears has been reading these posts and seems to be cleaning up her act, snagging a new beau and a nice pair of panties. Talk around the celebrity set here on Silverhorn Mountain is that Britney has found a new love interest in a chap by the name of Jonathan Rotem, who, because people have trouble remembering his name, call "JR"

JR is a panty manufacturer from LA, oops no, little typo there, he is actually a music producer which is convenient since Britney is into music.

It seems the only reason Brit was running around without her shorts, and causing the big paparazzi blogger bruhaha was an attempt to win the My Guy Pillow, a male torso shaped pillow awarded to the celebrity most in need of a pillow shaped like a guy. The pillow comes from a company called Kemry Corp, who's slogan is When Your Guy Won't Cuddle, My Guy Will...it's slogans like that which get a people in trouble. Fans voted for Britney, in an attempt to try and tame her down a bit, and get her back on track as she (close your eyes if you are under 21) 'mounts her comeback'...

So now the big blogger question is...who is her comeback?

Does anyone recall the words to Wichital Lineman? Glen Campell song...
<em>"I am a lineman for the counteeee and I drive the back roads....searching in the wires for anotherrr overrrload....and I need you more than want you...and I want you for all timmmmmee, and the Wichital linemannnn is still on the linnnnneeeeee"</em>

EVERYBODY NOW SING!!

Hey Gang! Welcome up to Silverhorn Mountain. Well, Marcello and the rest of the garden gnome boys have been at me lately to respond to some of the hundreds of letters, post cards and emails we have received here at the Lodge since we began posting.

Yes, we get letters (well actually no letters) and emails here all the time, many of them are not really for us, but we open them anyway....

So, after careful reflection, meaning I can't come up with a better idea after thinking about it for five or six seconds, I have decided to go for it.

So lets see what is in the old IN box.

The first one is from someone who's email is thewife@silverhornlodge.com who writes to say, <em>"I'm leaving you, your clothes are all in the septic tank, and I have closed our bank account. You and your &*&%$#@#$& gnomes can go to Hell!!"</em>

I wondered where my clothes were....

This one is from someone named Maggie, who sent us a short, but somewhat confusing email that merely says, <em>"Where the Hell is my *%$#@#$%$# t-shirt that you promised to send me after I won your &*&%$#$#@ contest???....and oh, by the way, Love your blog...is Marcello still single?"</em>

Then we had one from Karl, at karl.crazymail.com who wrote to say, <em>"I can't wait to win a t-shirt." </em> The contest is over Karl...stop sending emails...I told you it's oooovvvvveeerrr!!

We recently received a nice email from boothebear@nownutless.com wanted to thank us for all we had tried to do for him in his bid for freedom. At least I think that is what he was trying to say, it was hard to read the email, it was covered in bear slobber.

We had several emails from someone at Reuters News, Yahoo, and Time Magazine, politely thanking us for reprinting their news articles and explaining the meaning of "plagerism"  Wow! Who knew....??? I'd print their emails here, but....well...they appear a little touchy about that.

Digging a little deeper in the trash, oops I mean IN box, we had several emails from rocket scientists, that were not too complimentary about me or brain surgeons, but it all evened out because we had quite a few from brain surgeons who were not too complimentary about me or rocket scientists....they are full of big words, but I get the gist of it...I responded to both of them by saying that I heard the lawyers at Reuters, yahoo and Time Magazine think brain surgeons and  rocket scientists are not all that bright....that will throw them off of me for a little while....

And yet another, this one from soontobeexife@havinganaffair.silverhorny.com who wrote a kind of cryptic message that our Silverhorn Lodge Cryptologists Team (SLCT)had trouble making sense of...however, they think it says, <blockquote>Go Tuck Yourself </blockquote> which doesn't mean much to us here, perhaps one of our readers might be able to shed a little light on it...

I can't tell you the numbers of not so nice emails we have received following our Crusty the Croc posts and other alligator stories. Most of them are difficult to read, they look like they were typed by people missing fingers and hands.....

Someone at Letourneau@justreleasedfromprisioncauseIsleptwithmystudentmail.com wrote a very suggestive letter to Marcello a couple of months back. Seems she is unhappy in her current relationship, indicating her husband has grown a little too tall, and wondering if Marcello might like to go out on a date.....

Anonymous@binnhidinginthemountains.pakistan.com wrote several weeks ago, saying something that we didn't understand at first, but has since been translated by the Silverhorn Lodge Received Foreign Email Translation Team (SLRFETT). The boys aren't positive of all the words, but loosely translated they say it says,
 <em>"Na-Na-Naaa-Na-Na"</em> 

Finally, this just in today, we got one from theexwife@silverhornlodge.cum that says simply <em>"Ricardo is wonderful. Bye Sucker" </em>

hmmm....perhaps I have been spending a little too much time at this blog.....

Todays Silverhorn Lodge Quote "Don't email us- we'll email you" - Marcello