When I say to people that it's a little early to give Obama a Nobel Peace prize.  Some argue that he's done a lot more for peace in 8 months than Bush did in 8 years.

I would like to point out that George Bush should be in jail, and not simply overlooked for a peace prize.  Yes, Obama is a better president, but it's only been 8 months folks! I give him an incomplete.... I would give him "World Leader of the Month" for some months, but Nobel is jumping the gun.    

I'm pro Obama, but so far it seems a little early to be giving him something like this.  It seems he won based on good intentions, or maybe they are forced to grade on a curve these days...

"Well a C+ was the highest grade in the class, so Obama, congratulations, you win!" 

I was talking to my friend Jessica last night, and she was saying how she rarely drinks, and has never done drugs.  Growing up she saw the effects of drugs and alcohol on her parents, and that's why she's mostly straight edge.

I learned a similar lesson with my mom's addictions.  Growing up she would do an enormous amount of cleaning only to have me mess up the house again. So as an adult bachelor I'm pretty straight edged about not cleaning... I'm just going to mess it up again.  That's called foresight and good time management. 

That's why I went to college.... so I wouldn't have to get a job right away.  Sometimes I get up at 8am to pee, and I look out my window and see all these people dressed and showered and I think "How do they do it?" 

Happy hour saves you money, but at the same time you are also drunk earlier.  So as long as you are comfortable with not accomplishing anything after 5pm, you can enjoy life at half price. 

My mom is not too good with technology.  I helped her set up an outgoing message on her cell phone voicemail.  The only problem is that when you have an outgoing message like, "Hi, you've reached Maria, please leave a message"... it gives people the impression that my mom knows how to check her voicemail messages.

That guy is raking in the money.  Remember all those test in school that required a number 2 pencil?  That's what drove the guys that made the number 1 and number 3 pencils out of business.  You don’t see those pencils anywhere.  Makes you wonder if the number 2 pencil guy had a friend at the test printing place. 

The light was green, cars are moving, and he decides to cross the street right in front of me!  I started to yell at him about looking at the green light, but then I realized that there is no point yelling at a homeless man about making bad decisions.   

What's going on with movie making these days? Does everything need to be computer generated?  Look... I understand that if you need to put a dinosaur in there that a guy in a Barney suit isn’t going to cut it.  But do we really need to computer generate motorcycle stunts?  Are you doing this to save money or something? ‘cause back in the 80’s the A-Team did that for real every week and made it look quite affordable.

Doctors have now discovered that Billy had cocaine in his system when he passed away.  That explains every single infomercial I've seen him in.