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"As seen on NBC's America's Got Talent"
Male
Registered on: 04/15/07
Location:
Hoboken, NJ
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/RicardoAleman
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Biography:
I was born in New Jersey. I dont speak Spanish. I dont even tan well... but I swear I'm Mexican... otherwise I wouldnt be allowed to own FunnyMexican.com
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Page Views: 2950
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Jokes: 69
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Videos: 3
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Comments: 1
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Fans: 4
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 Via People.com
Stars like Jennifer Hudson, Mariska Hargitay and Angie Harmon all stripped down for Allure's annual portfolio of naked stars.
Editor in Chief Linda Wells counts on photoshop to keep the pictures strictly PG-13 though. "Because we want to be on the newsstand, we have to be careful about the raciness," Wells explained. "So we've removed nipples. Mariska Hargitay was rather surprised when she suddenly had no nipples."
So no nipples makes everything ok for the kids... I guess that's why Barbie never had nipples. And now that I think of it, they're right. Barbie never really did anything for me, and I have to say it's because of the lack of nipples. Without nipples, she's just a nice amercan church going gal with good values, and kids can learn from that.
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 Via AP news
PORT CHESTER, N.Y. — A New York bride was arrested at her wedding reception after the she trashed a set of conga drums in a spat with the band. Police had to use stun guns on both the groom and the couple's 21 year old daughter for trying to interfere with the arrest, and then arrested them as well.
The daughter says that the couple was legally married in 1986 but delayed their church wedding until last month.
Time for a little math... 2008 - 1986 = 22 = "I'm pregnant. Marry me, or feel my wrath!"
The lesson here is that pulling out only has to not work once to ruin your life.
Well, I hope the wedding was the fairytale they had wished and waited for. I wonder how long they will put off the divorce.
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 Via People.com
That’s right folks. Star of Hanna Montana and America’s favorite jailbait, Miley Cyrus, is catching up to Britney Spears damn quick. She’s not even 18 yet, and she cant stop taking semi-nude pictures and then saying she’s sorry after.
Here on the left we have a photo from a recent Vanity Fair shoot that she says she’s sorry for. On the right is a photo she took herself that leaked on the internet that she said “sorry!” about too.
As you can see, both are great additions to any pedophile’s bedroom collage/scrapbook. Many Adult Male members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints are very concerned for her well being and are considering saving her. They sincerely hope that she reads their pamphlet before getting into the passenger seat of Paris Hilton's Car.
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 Via LA Times
"I see London, I see France..."
New airport body scanners at LAX can see if you are concealing a knife, gun, or fake boobs. For example, this woman has a tail, and will not be allowed to fly.
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 Via AP News
Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess resigned Wednesday just as state prosecutors filed 35 felony charges against him. He's got everything from forcing wet t-shirt contests with free cigarettes for flashing your boobs to 2nd degree rape. He faces a possible sentence of 467 years in prison.
Here is what I love about American Justice... if convicted, he will continue to get laid in jail, just on the receiving end, and he wont even get free cigarettes for it.
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 Via AP News
SAN ANGELO, Texas (AP) — When police officers armed with weapons and protective gear descended on a West Texas ranch owned by a polygamist church, its members responded by going to their knees in song and prayer.
They expect their imaginary friends to show up any day now and save them. One thing you have to remember about God though, is he works in mysterious ways.... like not showing up. I remember when he didn't show up to my High School graduation... I was very upset... he didn't even send a card.... not even an e-card :-(
Oh well, maybe the Polygamists are more deserving than me... so I wish them the best of luck with their prayers and I look forward to a new season of "Big Love"
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 via CBSNews.com
Marilyn made a 15 minute sex tape in the 1950's that was just sold to an anonymous business man for $1.5 Million. Keya Morgan, who is making a documentary on Marilyn, has seen the film and said the video wont be released as he and the business man "would never have {their} name attached to anything if it would embarrass Marilyn Monroe or if it would in any way harm her image."
But he did say that she blows an unidentified co-star in the film, and the FBI got a bunch government hookers to try to figure out if our hero’s johnson resembled JFK’s.
What a Gentleman
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 Via Fox News
VALLEJO, Calif. - According to police, a wedding party got out of hand and they arrested the Groom and his cousin for resisting arrest. Then the bride was arrested for suspicion of public intoxication.
I dont know these people, but in short, I would like to punch these police officers in the face. Just because someone took a test that gave them a badge to wear, doesnt make them an outstanding citizen.
First of all, NO ONE should ever be arrested solely for resisting arrest. If they are arresting you for something else and you resist, then add that to the charges... but this is the dumbest catch 22 that a police officer can use just cause he feels like being a dick.
Second, a Bride can get drunk at her wedding at her home with her friends and family. In fact... that is every wedding I have ever been to.
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 Via AP News
CARACAS, Venezuela - A Venezuelan TV channel has yanked "The Simpsons" off the air because it may be inappropriate for children. Taking its place: "Baywatch Hawaii", a much better show for children which teaches them to trust their lives to dumb blonds with fake breasts.
Contrary to popular belief, real breasts float, and fake breasts sink (I know that cause I watch Manswers on Spike TV, a show full of valuable life saving information)
So if you're drowning and fake breasts are coming to save you... might as well cop a feel, cause it may be your last.
I would like to point out that no one ever died from watching the Simpsons.
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 Transsexual Thomas Beatie, 34, is pregnant. His wife Nancy couldn't conceive and he still had his reproductive organs so he took her place. He stopped taking his hormone injections, got his first period in 8 years, and now the baby is due July 3rd. The baby is currently a girl, but they can change that at anytime with those left over injections and a mini strap on.
I never understood sex changes. Isn't it far cheaper to be flaming gay or butch lesbian? When you're flaming or butch, you have personality! Sex changes are for boring rich kids.
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Ray Ellin says:
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wassup 90 second man
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