Sometimes I think that one of the lesser acknowledged services men provide is limiting the amount of cats women will own to a reasonable number. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: men women relationships cats
Added: Wed, 2 Apr 2008

The Bush administration has been ordered to appear in court on Friday to discuss their destruction of CIA interrogation tapes. Judge Henry Kennedy ordered the meeting, despite the White House claims of having their own officials investigating the situation already. Kennedy did not go on record with a reaction to their protests, but District Court aids report having witnessed him writing the order with his special, “What kind of chump do you take me for” pen. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 19 Dec 2007

Given the choice between robbing a bank with an expendable team of well-trained monkeys, or an expendable team of cooperative handicapped people, I'd go with the monkeys.

Not because I think they're more reliable, but because it's just slightly less f**ked up if they get shot. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: robbery bank monkeys handicapped team hypothetical
Added: Wed, 7 Nov 2007

Murderers win the most arguments.
They win because even if they're wrong they're still alive, and that beats paper, rock and scissors. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: arguments murder win paper rock scissors
Added: Tue, 6 Nov 2007

Sometimes women will say, “You can tell how good a man is in bed by how good of a dancer he is.”

I've always been offended by that because I can't dance at all, but that has very little to do with why I'm bad in bed. There are a lot of factors to consider; pressure to perform, personal insecurities, terrorism, O.J. is still running around and such.

Anyhow, my reaction to that shallow expression is to develop one of my very own, which is this:

“You can tell how good a woman's going to be in bed by how poorly she gets along with her father.”

Did she just mention a forgotten birthday? Hang on to your hat buddy, she's humping for approval. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: sex - women - men - dancing - father - birthday - oj - terrorism
Added: Wed, 22 Aug 2007

I'm willing to bet that most of the people who are guilty of loitering don't know what that word means. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: bet - people - guilty - word - time - sex
Added: Sat, 18 Aug 2007

I found a website that sells discount grappling hooks, which seemed awesome. Then I thought about it for a second and said, “That's probably the kind of thing you want to pay full price for.” [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Sports
Keywords: shopping - website - awesome - climbing - deals
Added: Thu, 16 Aug 2007

My girlfriend asked me what color bra she should buy. I said it didn't matter. Breasts go with everthing. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: girlfriend - shopping - bra - breasts
Added: Wed, 15 Aug 2007

I saw a very out-of-shape man on a bench wearing tiny shorts and no shirt. He was the only one who was happy he was there.

It's interesting to notice that the more comfortable people are with their own bodies the less comfortable they tend to make other people in theirs. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: offensive - body - bench - shorts
Added: Tue, 14 Aug 2007

My brother said that he thinks Dane Cook's career is just an elaborate ploy to get laid.

I told him that almost everything anybody ever does is part of an elaborate ploy to get laid. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: dane cook - sex - anybody - plan
Added: Mon, 13 Aug 2007

Going out for sushi is a really good first date idea, especially if you're a shallow person.

Not only does it make you seem classy, but it also gives you the opportunity to see what your date will and won't put in their mouth. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: sushi - dating - class - mouth
Added: Thu, 9 Aug 2007

I feel sorry for gigantic gay guys because they have the spirit of a daffodil and the body of Shrek.

All they want is to be treated like they're dainty and fragile, but you look down at their feet in those Dolche Gabbana flip flops and think, "I couldn't stab through that hairy meat paddle with a god damned fireplace poker. Nobody's carrying you over any threshold, Master Blaster." [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Weird
Keywords: huge - gay - master blaster - shrek
Added: Thu, 9 Aug 2007

"Scientists are developing a pill which could boost women's libido and reduce their appetite."

The drug, which I am calling the "Stepford Pill", should be available within a decade.

Poor, unattractive, lonely people will still be dying of the same horrible, actual diseases that have always been killing them for a much longer time to come. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: News
Keywords: sex - women - poor - drugs - science - libido
Added: Sun, 5 Aug 2007

It's amazing how many people make steady livings as psychics, especially when you KNOW all of them are full of shit. If I were really psychic nobody would ever know that, you'd just know me as the super-duper rich guy that you can't lie to. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: psychics - jobs - money - lies - amazing
Added: Sun, 5 Aug 2007

It's funny how often people bring up factoids about time travel that they obviously obtained from watching the movie Timecop.

When ever somebody says, "If you go back in time be careful not to run into yourself because the same matter can't occupy the same space."

I like to say, "I also saw Timecop, and I'm not sure that's if that's true."

Generally, they'll deny it, but their red cheeks say otherwise. [more]

Author: Paul Oddo
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: timecop - jean claud van-damme
Added: Sun, 5 Aug 2007