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Male
Registered on: 08/05/07
Location:
New York, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/Pauloddo
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Biography:
Comedian, subjectively.
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Page Views: 864
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Jokes: 16
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Videos: 0
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Comments: 1
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Fans: 2
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Sometimes I think that one of the lesser acknowledged services men provide is limiting the amount of cats women will own to a reasonable number.
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The Bush administration has been ordered to appear in court on Friday to discuss their destruction of CIA interrogation tapes. Judge Henry Kennedy ordered the meeting, despite the White House claims of having their own officials investigating the situation already. Kennedy did not go on record with a reaction to their protests, but District Court aids report having witnessed him writing the order with his special, “What kind of chump do you take me for” pen.
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Given the choice between robbing a bank with an expendable team of well-trained monkeys, or an expendable team of cooperative handicapped people, I'd go with the monkeys.
Not because I think they're more reliable, but because it's just slightly less f**ked up if they get shot.
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Murderers win the most arguments.
They win because even if they're wrong they're still alive, and that beats paper, rock and scissors.
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Sometimes women will say, “You can tell how good a man is in bed by how good of a dancer he is.”
I've always been offended by that because I can't dance at all, but that has very little to do with why I'm bad in bed. There are a lot of factors to consider; pressure to perform, personal insecurities, terrorism, O.J. is still running around and such.
Anyhow, my reaction to that shallow expression is to develop one of my very own, which is this:
“You can tell how good a woman's going to be in bed by how poorly she gets along with her father.”
Did she just mention a forgotten birthday? Hang on to your hat buddy, she's humping for approval.
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I'm willing to bet that most of the people who are guilty of loitering don't know what that word means.
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I found a website that sells discount grappling hooks, which seemed awesome. Then I thought about it for a second and said, “That's probably the kind of thing you want to pay full price for.”
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My girlfriend asked me what color bra she should buy. I said it didn't matter. Breasts go with everthing.
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I saw a very out-of-shape man on a bench wearing tiny shorts and no shirt. He was the only one who was happy he was there.
It's interesting to notice that the more comfortable people are with their own bodies the less comfortable they tend to make other people in theirs.
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My brother said that he thinks Dane Cook's career is just an elaborate ploy to get laid.
I told him that almost everything anybody ever does is part of an elaborate ploy to get laid.
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Punchline Magazine says:
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congrats on being a guest star!
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