The five-year-old child of James Brown and Brown's partner, Tomi Rae Hynie, are not included in the singer's will. The will does provide for Brown's six other children, who upon hearing the news at the reading of the will exclaimed, "Shit yeah, more Jeri Curl for us!"

She must learn to walk with a certain grace. And she must be able to handle the crowds and all the attention. For weeks, keepers at Zoo Atlanta have been working with their four-month-old giant panda cub, Mei Lan, to prepare her for her debut to the awaiting paparazzi.

With flashes going off, all seemed to be going well, until the panda climbed out of her cage feet first and exposed her unshaven vagina for the world to see.

The FDA has approved Slentrol, the world's first weight-loss drug for dogs. Dog owners demanded the new drug specifically for their overweight female dogs who they viewed as inadequate and undeserving of love.

Former “CHiPs” star, Erik Estrada, got into an expletive-laced shouting match with a stabbing victim who called him Emilio Estevez during the filming of the reality television series, “Armed & Famous.”

Estrada said he was insulted for not being mistaken for Estevez’s more successful brother, Charlie Sheen.

Making his announcement from the backyard of Orelia Tyler, a victim of Hurricane Katrina whose house is still uninhabitable, Senator John Edwards has declared he is running for President in 2008.

Edwards said he chose Ms. Tyler's home as a way to point out the economic disparity that exists in America to which Ms. Tyler responded, "Thanks John, because having a house without plumbing, electricity, a roof or doors would never have tipped me off."

Saddam Hussein will most likely be executed by the end of this weekend. As part of the normal procedure for executions in Iraq, just hours before the execution Hussein will spend time in a special cell where he can write letters to relatives, meditate, pray and torture three innocent civilians ... you know ... for old time's sake.

Britain has announced it will issue a stamp with the picture of "The Beatles" on it. Sources say Yoko Ono will tear off one-quarter of the stamp, discard the remaining three-quarters and make up the difference with assorted other stamps.

Great news for Americans hoping to get U.S. troops in their Christmas stockings this season. In a holiday radio message to US soldiers serving in Iraq, President Bush says he remains committed to the war and is considering raising troop levels. Merry Christmas troops!! The President delivered his message while sitting next to a roaring fireplace while troops in Iraq listened to the message while sitting next to a roaring fire that was their armoured vehicle.

Sad news for fans of rape! Rape charges against Duke lacrosse players have been dropped due to lack of sufficient eveidence. The D.A. said in court papers the accuser is now saying she is no longer certain whether she was penetrated vaginally with the men's penises. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that...

Rap star Eminem and his high school sweetheart, Kim Mathers, have divorced a second time, less than a year after remarrying.

The two agreed to split their property. She’ll get possession of the rapper’s Detroit mansion and he’ll keep possession of the “Scarface” blinds and matching duvet cover.