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Steve Knowles
Steve Knowles
"I didn't think telling just one joke at my aunt's funeral was crossing the line"

Beacon, NY

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Biography
I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

Steve Knowles says:

You suck!

(I heckle myself when I'm bored)
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Mona Lisa as a standup comic
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Steve Knowles
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Another Titanic expedition possible in 2010

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Oct 26, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Virginia

102 Jokes  5 Videos

NORFOLK, Va. (AP) - The president and CEO of the company that has exclusive rights to salvage the Titanic says the company is interested in conducting its first salvage since 2004 at the world's most famous shipwreck.

They are confident they will find the "Heart of the Ocean" diamond this time.


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Steve Knowles
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Ice skating bear kills Russian circus hand

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Oct 24, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Russia

141 Jokes  2 Videos

Russia has a long history of training bears for performance.
  • Moscow, Russia (CNN) -- A bear on ice skates attacked two people during rehearsals at a circus.  The 5-year-old animal killed the circus administrator, Dmitry Potapov, and mauled an animal trainer, who was attempting to rescue him.

    The bear was heard to say, "I told him to quit calling me gay!"


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    Steve Knowles
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    Biden says U.S. backs EU ties for Moldova

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Oct 22, 2009
    Category: News  
    From Hot Topic

    Joe Biden

    72 Jokes  1 Videos

    In Bucharest, during a trip to central and eastern Europe, Vice President Joe Biden said more cooperation on economic development was needed with Moldova, Europe's poorest nation.

    Biden first stated that more cooperation with Genovia was needed.  Aides quickly reminded him that Genovia was the fictional nation featured in the film “Princess Diaries”.


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    Hispanic farmers fight to sue USDA over lost land

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Oct 22, 2009
    Category: News  

    So who picks THEIR crops? 


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    Steve Knowles
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    'World's shortest man' comes of age in Nepal

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Oct 15, 2009
    Category: News  Staff Pick!
    From Hot Topic

    Parents

    1208 Jokes  31 Videos

    Khagendra Thapa Magar from Nepal, thought to be the world's smallest living man at just 22 inches (56 centimetres), has turned 18 and now hopes to be officially recognised for his record size.

    His mother was shocked last year when she found copies of "Play Gnome" magazine under his bed.


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    Nigeria may lift ban on treating gunshot wounds

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Oct 15, 2009
    Category: News  
    From Hot Topic

    Junk Mail

    23 Jokes  2 Videos

    ABUJA, Nigeria (AP) - A Nigerian lawmaker says parliament is considering a bill that will make it a criminal offense for hospitals and medical workers to delay or deny treatment of gunshot wounds. 

    inflicted by people fed up with Nigerian email scams.


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    John Daly returns

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Oct 14, 2009
    Category: Sports  
    From Hot Topic

    John Daly

    47 Jokes

    SYDNEY -  John Daly will play in the Australian Open and Australian PGA golf tournaments in December after recovering more quickly than expected from a rib injury.

    Daly broke a rib on a curb after stumbling from a bar prior to the start of the second round of the Slim Jim pro-am in Macon, Georgia. 


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    Internet addiction center opens in US

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Sep 3, 2009
    Category: News  
    From Hot Topic

    Microsoft

    35 Jokes  3 Videos

    FALL CITY, Wash. (AP) - The center, called ReSTART, is somewhat ironically located near Redmond, headquarters of Microsoft and a world center of the computer industry. It opened in July and for $14,000 offers a 45-day program intended to help people wean themselves from pathological computer use, which can include obsessive use of video games, texting, Facebook, eBay, Twitter and any other time-killers brought courtesy of technology.

    _____________________________

    The twelve-step program features a series of online therapy sessions, interactive dialogue, and a user-created virtual therapist. 


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    North Korean bizarro world

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Jun 29, 2009
    Category: News  
    From Hot Topic

    North Korea

    129 Jokes  1 Videos

    SEOUL, South Korea -- North Korea criticized the U.S. on Monday for positioning missile defense systems around Hawaii, calling the deployment part of a plot to attack the regime and saying it would bolster its nuclear arsenal in retaliation.

    ______________

    North Korea also announced that wearing seat belts will be considered vehicular homicide, wearing life jackets will be considered overt naval aggression, and use of food product warning labels will be considered chemical warfare attacks.


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    Mummies Receive SCAT Scan

    By: Steve Knowles (C)
    Submitted: Jun 24, 2009
    Category: News  

    Several mummies from the Brooklyn Museum, estimated to be 1700-3000+ years old, received a SCAT scan yesterday.

     

    The mummies’ HMO is expected to refuse payment for the procedure.


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