Steve Knowles - Comedian (C)

Steve Knowles
"I didn't think telling just one joke at my aunt's funeral was crossing the line"


Male
Registered on: 11/20/07
Location: Beacon, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/NYComic

Biography:

I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at http://www.43things.com/person/DrExcitement
(Dr. Excitement is the stage name I used to use for standup comedy, but I quit because audience members didn't like the prostate exams)

If you like one of my jokes and wish to use it in your set or as part of any speech, go ahead, just let me know how it went, that's the only payment I wish. (if anyone hears one of my jokes used, please let me know how it went as well, thanks)
Page Views: 2300     |     Jokes: 208     |     Videos: 0     |     Comments: 5     |     Fans: 2
Latest Jokes  
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Iran is running more than 5,000 centrifuges

Submitted: Nov 26, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Iran

125 Jokes

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) - Iran's nuclear chief, Gholam Reza Aghazadeh, says Iran now has more than 5,000 centrifuges operating, in defiance of U.N. demands that Tehran halt its controversial nuclear program.

In defense, Aghazadeh said nuclear power is the only way Iran can provide enough electricity to run more than 5,000 centrifuges.


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Iran said to have enough nuclear fuel for one weapon

Submitted: Nov 20, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Iran

125 Jokes

They are now breeding a camel fast enough to deliver the weapon.


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Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree

Submitted: Nov 14, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Santa Claus

25 Jokes  2 Videos

Christmas at New York City's Rockfeller Center will feature a tree from western New Jersey that its owners call a "miracle."

Workers are cutting down the 72-foot tall Norway spruce on the grounds of Tree King nursery in Hamilton, which is owned by the Varanyak family.

He says it's "the miracle tree" because his late mother always said it would one day be on display at Rockefeller Center.

His brother, Bob, says they recently saw a blue bird in the tree and they believe the bird was their mother guarding it.

________

Unfortunately, the blue bird was crushed by the falling tree, and its recently hatched chicks froze to death in the crisp, NJ air....but the tree is beautiful, and if you squint your eyes, tree rings on the stump almost look like Santa Claus.


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Mind Reading Used to Detect Terrorists

Submitted: Sep 24, 2008
Category: News  

Homeland Security is now testing the next generation of security screening — a body scanner that can read your mind.

The device flashes and beeps when detecting thoughts of at least 19 virgins.


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Gambler's $20M lawsuit against casinos tossed

Submitted: Sep 22, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Gambling

66 Jokes  2 Videos

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. - A federal judge has dismissed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit against seven casinos by a former New York City attorney who said they had a duty to stop her from gambling.

The judge was giving 37 to 1 odds that there would be a successful appeal.


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The Dead, Allmans will play at Obama benefit

Submitted: Sep 19, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama

356 Jokes  18 Videos

The Greatful Dead and the Allman Brothers will play at a fundraiser event at Penn State University.

It seems appropriate, since dead voters will be voting for Obama in November, at least in Chicago.


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Darwin Award Nominee

Submitted: Sep 18, 2008
Category: News  

Man killed while trying to steal copper cable carrying 11,000 volts

A man was killed trying to steal a copper cable which was carrying 11,000 volts, an inquest heard today.

Kirk John Thompson was electrocuted at the derelict Panteg steelworks, in Pontypool, South Wales, when his bolt croppers pierced the plastic coating of a cable still connected to the National Grid.


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German scientists discover 120 million year-old ant

Submitted: Sep 16, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Dating

395 Jokes  27 Videos

BERLIN (Reuters) - German biologists have discovered a new species of ant they believe is the oldest on the planet, dating back around 120 million years.

The ant was found on a 130-million-year-old twinkie.


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Funding crucial for beach cleanup

Submitted: Aug 22, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Asbury Park Press, August 22, 2008

Plans to execute a $17 million cleanup of unexploded munitions from the sands of Long Beach Island, New Jersey, remain on hold, though officials say they are confident the project will be completed.

To save money, the beach will be detonated during next year's Fourth of July festivities.


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Documents: Julia Child part of WWII-era spy ring

Submitted: Aug 13, 2008
Category: News  

She said it was tough keeping the miniature microphone from burning up in spinach souffles.

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Heckler's Corner

Steve Knowles says:

I meant to say "followed a joke written by someone else with the author's name, or..."

Steve Knowles says:

I think the site is intended to be for posting of original jokes written by the submitters. When people see jokes attributed by a member, they assume that person wrote it. I'm sure if you followed a joke written by someone else, or posted the link it came from, there wouldn't be any confusion. I suggest getting those humorous gears turning and posting your own stuff.

Kandie Henry says:

Steve, I'm new at this computer thing,so if I'm doing something wrong for sharring the jokes that friends send me,plz let me know and I will take them off ,I just wanted to share the laughts with every one sorry agine if I'm doing the wrong thing.

Kandie Henry says:

I didnt said I made up the jokes,I have Friends that seen me joke to cheer me up and i thought they where funny and I wanted to share them. sorry if I have done something wrong.

Steve Knowles says:

You suck! (I heckle myself when I'm bored)