A woman in the northern Bulgarian town of Ruse has survived a car crash thanks to her silicone breasts which acted as an airbag, a newspaper has reported.

"The two cars were crumpled past recognition in the crash but the woman's silicone breasts acted as airbags and saved her life".

In other news, J Lo was involved in a rear end collision early yesterday. No one was hurt.

With orders to speak quietly, respect queues and put litter in bins, China has released a list of "dos and don'ts" for citizens intending to travel abroad. The Chinese central government's Spiritual Civilization Comittee summarized the guidelines by saying, "Whatever you do, just don't dress like this"

 Sen. George Allen, whose campaign for re-election has been dogged by allegations of racism, has introduced a new bill for African-American farmers to gain a financial edge. He's calling the bill, 'Ma-Cash for Macacas'.

A British woman walked down the aisle yesterday, 11 hours after giving birth to a her baby, or as her mother called it 11 hours too late. The bride even walked to the alter in a white wedding dress, to which her mother-in-law commented, "Yea, right."

President Bush lashed out against critics today, saying that those who were using the recently released intelligence report to condemn his Iraq policy were 'naive'. When critics responded that not only had dozens of intelligence officials but every single intelligence agency agreed that the war in Iraq has created more terrorists.President Bush replied, "La, la, la, I am not listening to you. La, la, la. I only listen to Jesus."

gentle musing from a mellow mind...

Go to church. Find Jesus, but don't tell anyone where he is, it's a secret.

Question authority, but don't be surprised when authority answers with a nightstick.

Get drunk and high. Watch cartoons all day. Then blame your problems on another race.

 Pundits and politicos on Sunday's talk shows were crying foul over President Hugo Chavez's speech at the U.N. Liberals said, "He can't call the President a devil, only we can do that."

Republicans called the speech more of a roast than anything diplomatic. If it were a roast, Chavez would have picked on others in the goverment.

"Enough about the devil... er, I mean Bush. You must forgive me my English is no good. How do you say, douchebag. I kidding."

"Dick Cheney is here. The only reason why Dick Cheney is against gay marriage, is because he's too cheap to pay for his daughter's wedding. But seriously, Cheney would love for his daughter to have a wedding, just as long as Haliburton can cater it. I kidding."

"John Bolton, U.N. Ambassador is here. John what is that on your upper lip, it looks like two caterpillars humping. Seriously, it looks like you're going down on the Shaggy D.A. I kidding."

ANKARA, Turkey - Muslims in Turkey, Iraq and the Palestinian territories demanded Tuesday that Pope Benedict XVI make a clear apology for his remarks on Islam, instead of saying only that he was, "deeply sorry" that Muslims had taken offense.

To which the Pope replied, "Fine. I'm really, really sorry."

... You cut it off and try again. In China, doctors, in the first ever penile transplant, had to remove the organ because of rejection from the wife. The wife was quoted as saying, "Of all the penises in the world, you had to get another Asian." Apparently, they all don't look alike.

EDITOR'S NOTE: The author of this bit would like to thank the doctors and the wife for keeping dick jokes alive in the Ghaungzhou Province and throughout China.

gentle musings from a mellow mind...