I'm pro-abortion. But I'm against a woman's right to choose. It should be random. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Weird
Keywords: abortion right choose random
Added: Sat, 24 Mar 2007

You know what disgusts me?  There's Christmas porn.  And it's always nasty.  It's always like, "Anal Santa: He's Coming Down Your Chimney." And they're all like that.  Santa's Ho, Ho, Hos, Santa's Sleigh Sluts.  Santa, Santa, Santa.  It's so frustrating, because don't they know Christmas is about Jesus?  Although, people would be pissed if there were a porn about Jesus.  I don't see why, everyone knows he got nailed. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: News
Keywords: christmas jesus
Added: Mon, 11 Dec 2006

I’m lucky to be in a relationship.  I was alone for so long.  I was alone for so long that I would see two homeless people kissing and think, “Boy, do they have it good.”  It is awkward, though, when you see two homeless people making out.  You want to say something, but you know you really can’t tell them to get a room.  [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 7 Dec 2006

Bush also refuses to refer to Iraq as a civil war.  It pisses me off, but I'm not surprised: the White House still refers to the American Civil War as the "War of Northern Aggression." [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 7 Dec 2006

I keep hearing Bush say "Iraq's entering a new phase."  A new phase?  What the hell does that even mean?  "Don't worry, Iraq.  You're entering a new phase.  All that blood just means you're finally becoming a woman." [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 7 Dec 2006

OJ Simpson will appear in a 2 hour TV special on Fox this month to reveal “how we would have” killed his ex-wife and her friend 12 years ago “if he were the one responsible.” OJ also announced he has a rare condition in which he mistakes sentences in the subjunctive for the indicative. Oh, snap! [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Sports
Keywords: grammar oj simpson
Added: Fri, 17 Nov 2006

I just saw they now sell an energy drink called Coca-Cola Blak.  It's has the taste of regular Coke, but with only 3/5 the vote.  [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 15 Nov 2006

A judge in Delaware has ordered a man who twice exposed himself to a 10-year-old girl to wear a T-shirt with the words, “I am a registered sex offender.” I just hope Urban Outfitters has his size. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: News
Keywords: clothes sex offender
Added: Mon, 13 Nov 2006

It was reported that Chelsea Clinton was barred from voting last Tuesday because her name had been left out of the voting station’s registration book, proving once and for all that Chelsea Clinton is black. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 11 Nov 2006

A new study shows that China now has more than double as many obese people as it has people living in poverty, proving that “sweatshops” really aren't living up to their name. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 11 Nov 2006

A new study claims that doctors could cut the rate of sexually transmitted diseases in half by circumcising all baby boys. But only if they do it wrong. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 11 Nov 2006

A new study shows that the “Freshman 15” weight gain is actually closer to 5 to 7 pounds, but that is usually followed by the “Sophomore 2 or 3,” which itself is often followed by the “Junior abortion.”  [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 9 Nov 2006

It was reported that while Kevin Federline stands to get a whooping 10 million dollars in his divorce from Britney Spears while Britney stands to get her career back.  [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 9 Nov 2006

According to a new analysis of Census data, “the marriage gap” hurt Republicans in the midterm elections since Republican districts are mostly made up of married people, while Democratic districts are mostly people not allowed to get married.  [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 9 Nov 2006

Have you read the Bible?  God's like a college RA.  He's never around unless it's to fuck up a good time.  But people get offended when I say I'm an atheist.  Someone told me that "God is inside you." Well, great.  Now God's my Uncle Chad after two drinks. [more]

Author: Mike Drucker
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 9 Nov 2006