Senator Robert Ryrd (D-WV) is the longest-serving congress member. Apparently he's
been fighting for a public option before there was even a public.
 

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the 9/11 mastermind and chest sweater, will be sent to a federal prison in nyc where he'll await trial for his involvement in the tragedy of 9/11. Khalid is to be the first person in the last decade to come to nyc and not live in Brooklyn.

I think today's standard of civil disobedience is making a reservation and then not showing up.

Iran has agreed to start outsourcing its uranium to other countries for enriching purposes. So it seems David Letterman’s intern is now extorting Iran.

According to BBC News, President Obama's speech to school children was deemed a success by many. Millions of children have now joined the Socialist Party. 

Adding to his woes, it seems Fox News Commentator Glenn Beck lost even more adverstisers. Apparently the White Citizens Council, American Nazi Party, KKK, and the National Man Boy Love Association don't want their reputations damaged.

Despite their diverse backgrounds and different viewpoints, President Obama, Professor Gates, and Officer Crowley found something they could all agree on: Bush jokes.  

Everybody is still talking about President Obama's beer gathering between Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Officer Crowley. In keeping with the spirt of togetherness, President Obama is planning on having Michael Vick and a pitbull over for a beer.  

Sen. John Ensign of Nevada claims his parents gave $96,000 to his mistress and her family.

 Eliot Spitzer spent about $100,000 on his hooker over ten years or so and Senator Ensign spent $96,000 in one day. And the Republicans clam to be more fiscally responsible than Democrats.

So it seems famous pitchmen Billy Mays died from instant heart failure. But just to be sure, police are searching his home and neighborhood for wadded-up shamwows and blood-stained slap-chops.