Skating With Celebrities champs Kristy Swanson and Olympic skater Lloyd Eisler expecting a baby on Valentine's Day, they announced Monday. The couple hooked up after they were paired together on the reality show.

When asked for comment, producers would only say, "Look, if we knew something productive, decent and functional would come out of this show, we would have just gotten some busty babes to eat the balls of something."

Wrestling stokes the savage teen
Margaret Lillard, The Associated Press

Teenagers who watch pro wrestling on TV are more likely to behave violently than other kids, Wake Forest University researchers reported today...

Sexual lyrics prompt teens to have sex
By LINDSEY TANNER, AP Medical Writer

CHICAGO - Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found....

In other news, people splatted to death on the ground are more likely to have enjoyed skydiving. Also, dude who ate all your fries more likely to be a jackass, so experts conclude french fries cause jackassery.

Or maybe ... nah ... yeah, yeah, it's coming to me. Maaaaaybe violent kids enjoy wrestling more than average kids. And horny kids like 'raunchy' music. Nah, before televised wrestling there was zero violence and kids waited until marriage to have sex. Chastity belts were just comfortable.

"I used to play naked basketball, but that didn't leave my hands free."