WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A fishing crew has caught a colossal squid that could weigh a half-ton and prove to be the biggest specimen ever landed, a fisheries official said Thursday.

"I didn't even know that Dick was in New Zealand", President Bush stated on Thursday. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 23 Feb 2007

SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - A tour group of U.S. senior citizens fought off a group of muggers in Costa Rica, killing one of the assailants, police said Thursday.

"Nobody turns the channel when I'm watching All My Children, Nobody!" said Mrs. Charles Dougherty of Glenside PA. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 22 Feb 2007

WASHINGTON - Drawing this special comb over a balding pate could restore some real hair - according to, Lexington International LLC makers of the Hairmax Lasercomb.

The device, sold on the Web for $545, is the only drug-free product meant for home use in combatting hair loss that's won the endorsement of the FDA, the company said.

To fight baldness and help a man's self esteem, the FDA has also endorsed getting a woman drunk and having lots of money. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: Weird
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 16 Feb 2007

Former Miami Heat guard Tim Hardaway said yesterday on a radio show that he would not want to play on a team with a gay teammate.

Ironically, Tim is about to learn a lesson about bigotry, losing endorsement contracts, and adoring fans the Hard-a-way. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 15 Feb 2007

Once upon a time, there was a high school dropout from Texas, named Vickie. She does everything wrong in her life: fails out of school, gets fired from jobs, and has a baby when she's 16. She hates her parents so she changes her name and becomes a stripper. She marries a 90 old guy for his money, then he dies making her rich. Not content to be a millionaire, (the now named) Anna becomes fat, gets her own TV show which shows that she's a whiney disgusting mess. She goes on a massive diet and gets slim. She gets bizarre looking plastic surgery. Her teenage son kills himself. She has another baby. The father could be one of three men, nobody really knows because she's a whore. She finally kills herself.

(Once the media frenzy dies down,) We all live happily ever after. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 15 Feb 2007

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (Feb. 5) - A woman playing the penny slots Saturday morning left the Resorts Atlantic City casino with her own little jackpot -- a new baby boy. Eight-months pregnant Nyree Thompson, 32, went into labor on the casino floor about 9:30 a.m.


Five minutes later, many patrons cheered once Nyreee delivered baby Qualeem because they bet on black. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 5 Feb 2007

OMAHA, Neb. January 29, 2007 - Area drivers will soon be able to fill up with gasoline made from "terror-free oil." A gas station about to open near 129th and Q streets is named Terror Free Oil, and the idea is to offer consumers petroleum products from countries that do not sponsor terror.



You can either get the gas from the station, or from Ray Ellin who eats American baked beans 24 hours a day. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 5 Feb 2007

OMAHA, Neb. (January 29, 2007) - Area drivers will soon be able to fill up with gasoline made from "terror-free oil." A gas station about to open near 129th and Q streets is named Terror Free Oil, and the idea is to offer consumers petroleum products from countries that do not sponsor terror. You can either get the gas from the station, or from Ray Ellin who eats American baked beans 24 hours a day. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 29 Jan 2007

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (Jan. 27) - Christopher Daniel Gay, 32, escaped from a prisoner transport van Sunday in South Carolina, police say, and has evaded a five-state manhunt by stealing a pickup, a big rig and the bus that belongs to singer Crystal Gayle. Gay is supposedly on a quest to head back to 1977 to find out who Crystal Gayle is. After that, he will find the man who put his head in the egg slicer. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 27 Jan 2007

TRENTON, N.J. (Jan. 15) - Another Miss USA tiara is changing heads. Ashley Harder, Miss New Jersey USA, has resigned because she is pregnant, The Philadelphia Daily News reported in Monday's editions.     [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 16 Jan 2007

ATLANTA (January 12, 2007) - A body was found in an airplane wheel well after a Delta Air Lines flight from Africa landed in Atlanta Friday morning, airline spokeswoman Betsy Talton said. Passenger #1: That weird guy next to me said he was going to get some "fresh air". Passenger #2: Smoking is such a bad habit. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 12 Jan 2007

[more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 1 Jan 2007

Baby New Year wishes you Happy Holidays! [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 1 Jan 2007

Junk mail has really gotten out of hand in the holiday season. Not only do I throw away enough catalogs that probably were made using enough natural resources that would make Al Gore cry, but now families send me their yearly wrap up review in a letter! This is SUCH is woman thing. Oh I’m sexist? Then why do all of the guy spouses call and apologize for sending it?             Fine you want a yearly review – here’s mine.   Dear everyone who is really bored and slightly nosey,               Another awesome year for Lenny Marcus kids. Lets see. ’06 started with a surprise right away - In January Lenny got his first hemorrhoid! Wow, that was a surprise! He thought he was dying. I mean it’s not every day you think a little man is growing out of your ass, no matter how many horror films you watch. Then in February Lenny had a date. I know crazy! Then in March, Lenny performed at the Aspen comedy festival. Memories include: Having great sets and nobody caring, a twenty seven hour trip back to New York, and a lot of snow. One of the heads of the festival did send me a fleece jacket though – SWEET! Could have used it when I was sleeping on the floor in the airport due to a blizzard the day I left after missing the last connecting flight out of Denver. Thanks United Airlines! In April Lenny went to Opening Day at Yankees stadium. He also decided not to observe Passover for the first time ever as the Matzoh bread will prevent proper bowel movements until June. The summer was awesome. Lenny had a great start to the softball season and the Gotham Monday team excelled to a 8-2 start. Then Lenny hurt his groin and cried after every game for a month. Lenny began writing and shooting films for Daily Comedy.com that nobody ever reads or watches. Lenny’s bitcom, Superstar Talent has been seen by over 3 people, and is a big hit with his sister! Fall, as always, is Lenny’s busy season – it began with the Yankees choking and ends with the Giants sucking. Highlights for the year include: He performed on 300+ shows and nobody knows who he is, another Letterman audition (getting closer stop asking), and he only paid $9 on his federal tax return.             Lenny wishes you all joy and happiness (except Mel Gibson).   Happy Holidays everyone.   [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: Blogs
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 23 Dec 2006

You stink. [more]

Author: Lenny Marcus
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 22 Dec 2006