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Lenny Marcus - Comedian (C)

Lenny Marcus
"Yes honey, I do love the Yankees more than you... What?"


Registered on: 01/31/07
Location: Manhattan, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/LennyMarcus

Biography:

Lenny is a comedian, filmmaker, and one hell of a sardonic wiseass. He is so miserable he's happy.

Lenny used to be an advanced systems engineer but retired and now only uses his computer powers for good and not evil. Well okay, sometimes evil.

Loved by almost all, people constantly ask why he's still single and when it is revealed that his only interests are sports and comedy, no pretty woman will go near him.

Lenny will no longer be posting to daily comedy as of March 1, 2007 due to contractual disagreements. Que Sera Sera.

Schedule
See Schedule on www.LennyMarcus.com

To See More
www.LennyMarcus.com and
www.LennyMarcus.tv
Page Views: 573     |     Jokes: 86     |     Videos: 0     |     Comments: 0     |     Fans: 5
Latest Jokes
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Lenny Hates - The Catch of the Day

Submitted: Feb 23, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Lenny Hates - The Catch of the DayWELLINGTON, New Zealand - A fishing crew has caught a colossal squid that could weigh a half-ton and prove to be the biggest specimen ever landed, a fisheries official said Thursday.

"I didn't even know that Dick was in New Zealand", President Bush stated on Thursday.

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Lenny Loves - Dangerous Old Ladies

Submitted: Feb 22, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Lenny Loves - Dangerous Old LadiesSAN JOSE, Costa Rica - A tour group of U.S. senior citizens fought off a group of muggers in Costa Rica, killing one of the assailants, police said Thursday.

"Nobody turns the channel when I'm watching All My Children, Nobody!" said Mrs. Charles Dougherty of Glenside PA.

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Lenny Hates - The FDA

Submitted: Feb 16, 2007
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!

Lenny Hates - The FDAWASHINGTON - Drawing this special comb over a balding pate could restore some real hair - according to, Lexington International LLC makers of the Hairmax Lasercomb.

The device, sold on the Web for $545, is the only drug-free product meant for home use in combatting hair loss that's won the endorsement of the FDA, the company said.

To fight baldness and help a man's self esteem, the FDA has also endorsed getting a woman drunk and having lots of money.

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Lenny Hates - Tim

Submitted: Feb 15, 2007
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!

Lenny Hates - TimFormer Miami Heat guard Tim Hardaway said yesterday on a radio show that he would not want to play on a team with a gay teammate.

Ironically, Tim is about to learn a lesson about bigotry, losing endorsement contracts, and adoring fans the Hard-a-way.

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Lenny Loves - Anna Nicole Fable

Submitted: Feb 15, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Once upon a time, there was a high school dropout from Texas, named Vickie. She does everything wrong in her life: fails out of school, gets fired from jobs, and has a baby when she's 16. She hates her parents so she changes her name and becomes a stripper. She marries a 90 old guy for his money, then he dies making her rich. Not content to be a millionaire, (the now named) Anna becomes fat, gets her own TV show which shows that she's a whiney disgusting mess. She goes on a massive diet and gets slim. She gets bizarre looking plastic surgery. Her teenage son kills himself. She has another baby. The father could be one of three men, nobody really knows because she's a whore. She finally kills herself.

(Once the media frenzy dies down,) We all live happily ever after.

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Lenny Loves - Casinos

Submitted: Feb 5, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Lenny Loves - CasinosATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (Feb. 5) - A woman playing the penny slots Saturday morning left the Resorts Atlantic City casino with her own little jackpot -- a new baby boy. Eight-months pregnant Nyree Thompson, 32, went into labor on the casino floor about 9:30 a.m.


Five minutes later, many patrons cheered once Nyreee delivered baby Qualeem because they bet on black.

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Lenny Hates - Terror Free Gas

Submitted: Feb 5, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Lenny Hates - Terror Free GasOMAHA, Neb. January 29, 2007 - Area drivers will soon be able to fill up with gasoline made from "terror-free oil." A gas station about to open near 129th and Q streets is named Terror Free Oil, and the idea is to offer consumers petroleum products from countries that do not sponsor terror.



You can either get the gas from the station, or from Ray Ellin who eats American baked beans 24 hours a day.

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Lenny Hates... Dumb People - Case #0801

Submitted: Jan 31, 2007
Category: News  

FRAMINGHAM, Mass. July 31 - A couple who authorities say performed liposuction in the basement of a home has been charged with practicing medicine without a license after the female patient died. Luiz Carlos Ribeiro, 49, a native of Brazil, and his wife, Ana Maria Miranda Ribeiro, also 49, were arraigned in district court on Monday following the death of a 24-year-old woman Sunday.

Are you getting man-boobs? Does your obese girlfriend call you fat-ass? Are small objects rotating around you? Are you always Humpty Dumpty on Halloween? When you lumber down the street, do Japanese people run away from you screaming? When you use a king-size blanket, does it look like a bib?

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ...


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Lenny Hates... The Tour de France

Submitted: Jan 31, 2007
Category: News  

Reason to hate the French #2401 – The Tour De France.

As if their political views, love for their idiot soccer, and body odor wasn't bad enough, the French love a bicycle race. A long bicycle race. Like 20 stages, up and down the mountains, and like 3600 kilometers total. I'm not sure what's more annoying: The French, a long bicycle race, or trying to convert stupid kilometers to miles.

By the way, most stages take place in France though it is very common to have a few stages in nearby countries such as Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Belgium, Luxembourg and Germany. So apparently, it's the Tour de mostly France. Shitheads.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ...

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Lenny Hates... The Homeless

Submitted: Jan 31, 2007
Category: News  

That's right, I said it. I hate homeless people. I give money tohomeless organizations so I don't have to see these people in my city.They're annoying. “Give me a quarter, give me a quarter.”

Give mea break. One guy tried to make me feel better. “Give me a quarter, I'msaving up to go to college.” Really? Whattya gonna do, walk into theregistrars office at NYU with like ten grand in coins: “Yeah, I'd liketo take Econ. 101 and um... a bath?”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ...


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