An American, a Dutchman, and a Frenchman are in Saudi Arabia sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

After many months, and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each, of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Dutchman was first in line. He thought for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back!" This was done, but the pillow only lasted ten lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away, bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was up next. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly, "Please fix two pillows to my back!" But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they all do).

The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your most royal and merciful highness," the American replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it! And, your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked.

The American replied, "Tie the Frenchman to my back!"

A businessman got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and said once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "T-G-I-F" means, "Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it? Duhhhhh." To which the man answered, "Yes doll, and S-H-I-T means Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."

...another random email forward from one of my closest blonde friends.

One morning a man returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

... random email Forward

A boy goes up to his dad and asks the difference between "potentially" and "realistically." The father wants his son to learn, so, being the good dad he is, he gives his son an exercise.

"Go ask your mother, brother and sister the following question: Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

He asks his mother and she replies, "Well I don't know. That is a lot of money so I guess I would. We could use the money to fix up the house and send you guys to a good college."

His sister says, "Sure. He's hot. I'd do it for free."

And his brother answers, "Well I guess I would. That's a lot of money."

He returns to his father and his father asks, "Well, what did you learn?" The boy says, "Potentially we are sitting on three million dollars. Realistically we are living with two sluts and a fag."

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when a rather attractive 11-year-old boy walks by. The priest says to the rabbi, "Look at that kid, let's get ovet there and fuck him." So the rabbi says, "Fuck him out of what?"