At the 93 March on Washington, Lea Delaria said that Hillary Clinton was "finally...a first lady you could f***."

I met Ms Clinton for work a few years ago and I confess I had some gloves and lube in my pocket. Just, yknow, in case. [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Political
Keywords: hillary clinton lea delaria
Added: Mon, 4 Feb 2008

Doctors will say anything to fat people. First of all, if you're fat, that's what the problem is. Gallbladder problems? Faaaat. Headaches? Lose some weight blimpo! Cause of that nasty gunshut wound to the neck? The obesity epidemic, obviously.

And they'll suggest anything. I had knee problems and my doctor told me a gastric bypass would help with that. It did, but buying better shoes would have helped too, and I wouldn't be shitting myself every time I eat cottage cheese. [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: fat doctors gunshot wounds neck
Added: Mon, 28 Jan 2008

I don't understand people who run marathons. "oh it's for my health." No, you run 3 miles for your health, you run 26 miles because your mother didn't love you enough. What are you running from, your overarching lack of self esteem? [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: running jogging marathons low self esteem
Added: Sat, 19 Jan 2008

I'm reading a book about writing right now, instead of writing, which is kind of meta-ironic if you think about it. Anyway, on the back cover it has this quote from Red Smith "to write, sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." Isn't that a tad dramatic? Is it really that bad? Realistically, it's not like being a coal minder. For chrissakes it's a job you can do in bed. [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: writing writers drama
Added: Wed, 16 Jan 2008

Tell-tale sign of depression. You say "well, life is short" and hear yourself following up with "thank god." [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: depression sadness life short
Added: Sun, 13 Jan 2008

...self care. Got your 12 month check up today? That's hot! Do you floss? Cue the porn music. When I find a woman who washes her hands before she sits down to eat? Holy soap and water, I'll follow her anywhere.... [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: personal hygiene self care sex turn
Added: Fri, 11 Jan 2008

The bumper stickers that say "god is good all the time" crack me up. I mean, I might buy the "god is good" part but not the "all the time" part. I mean, really..."all the time"...really? Is this the same god that gives one kid a pony and another leukemia? [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Weird
Keywords: god pony kid leukemia
Added: Thu, 10 Jan 2008

So I like the taste of soymilk but I don't quite get it, how is it milk? I mean, except for being a white semi-opaque liquid. Is that all it takes? And who gets paid to milk a soybean? Don't their hands keep slipping off the tiny little udders? [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Weird
Keywords: soybeans soymilk health foods
Added: Wed, 9 Jan 2008

When you are waiting to have sex and you really want to have it...everything makes you horny. Reading the ingredients on a box of cereal. The smell of laundry detergent. Listening to "Car Talk" on NPR. Totally random things.

"What is that? The theme song from The Golden Girls? Damn, I think I just came!" [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: sex breakfast cereal car talk npr random
Added: Mon, 7 Jan 2008

Okay maybe I do have a procrastination problem. But I've solved it by writing my "to do" list at the end of the day. I just jot down what I already did, and then check each item off. It can be a little depressing though, because yesterday only had two items 1. Eat cheetos 2. Look for porn on youtube. But in my defense, there are lots of cheetos in the world and not nearly enough porn on youtube. [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Weird
Keywords: porn youtube procrastination do lists
Added: Sun, 6 Jan 2008

Went with a friend to a place called the "New Idea" museum in New York. They consider themselves "edgy" in the art world, they even had an exhibit called "Piles of Laundry." How am I going to break it to the artist that I have that exact same exhibit in my closet? [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Weird
Keywords: museums modern art friends new york
Added: Sat, 5 Jan 2008

I got an email at my website that said I was a "freak of nature." I was like, c'mon dude, you don't know me! If you did, you would have met my family and realized I'm a freak of NURTURE! [more]

Author: Kelli Dunham
Category: Weird
Keywords: freak nurture nature email weird stalkers
Added: Fri, 4 Jan 2008