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"Ignore all the visual cues please- I'm an adult female, NOT a 12 year old boy""
Female
Registered on: 01/04/08
Location:
New York, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/Kellidunham
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Biography:
Kelli Dunham is the typical skateboard-riding, too many book reading ex-nun comic and Dork On A Mission.
During her recent "I am NOT a 12 Year Old Boy" tour (more than 100 shows in 11 months) Kelli performed, well, just about everywhere. From atop a ladder at the LGBT business expo. For the attendees of the Beltane Sacred Sexuality Conference (on the front row? A dude wearing a beret and a cape and nothing else). Penn State. St Luke's College in Sioux City Iowa. Long Beach, California Pride. The Sisterspace Weekend. And at dozens of fundraisers, community events, colleges, and clubs on both coasts and everywhere in between. During the tour, Kelli was featured—much to her mother’s chagrin-- in an episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit on the Showtime Network.
Kelli is also the author of three books, How to Survive and Maybe Even Love Nursing School (FA Davis, 2004), How to Survive and Maybe Even Love Your Life as a Nurse (FA Davis, 2005) and The Boy's Body Book: Everything You Need to Know for Growing Up YOU (Applesauce Press, 2007). She is a contributor to numerous humorous anthologies including Love's Funny That Way (Sterling Press, 2006), Squeaky Clean Comedy (Andrew McNeil Press, 2005), She's So Funny (Andrew McNeil Press, 2004), Dangerous Families (Haworth Press, 2004), and Life's a Stitch (Random House, 2002).
Kelli's first CD, "I am NOT a 12 Year Old Boy" is in regular rotation on Sirius Satellite Radio's Raw Dog mainstream comedy station. This forces listeners (many of whom undoubtedly tuned in to hear George Carlin and Andrew Dice Clay) to listen to Kelli waxing funnily eloquent about, for example, why lesbians should get regular gynecological check-ups. This makes Kelli giggle. A lot.
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Page Views: 830
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Jokes: 12
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Videos: 5
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Comments: 1
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Fans: 4
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At the 93 March on Washington, Lea Delaria said that Hillary Clinton was "finally...a first lady you could f***."
I met Ms Clinton for work a few years ago and I confess I had some gloves and lube in my pocket. Just, yknow, in case.
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Doctors will say anything to fat people. First of all, if you're fat, that's what the problem is. Gallbladder problems? Faaaat. Headaches? Lose some weight blimpo! Cause of that nasty gunshut wound to the neck? The obesity epidemic, obviously.
And they'll suggest anything. I had knee problems and my doctor told me a gastric bypass would help with that. It did, but buying better shoes would have helped too, and I wouldn't be shitting myself every time I eat cottage cheese.
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I don't understand people who run marathons. "oh it's for my health." No, you run 3 miles for your health, you run 26 miles because your mother didn't love you enough. What are you running from, your overarching lack of self esteem?
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I'm reading a book about writing right now, instead of writing, which is kind of meta-ironic if you think about it. Anyway, on the back cover it has this quote from Red Smith "to write, sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." Isn't that a tad dramatic? Is it really that bad? Realistically, it's not like being a coal minder. For chrissakes it's a job you can do in bed.
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Tell-tale sign of depression. You say "well, life is short" and hear yourself following up with "thank god."
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...self care. Got your 12 month check up today? That's hot! Do you floss? Cue the porn music. When I find a woman who washes her hands before she sits down to eat? Holy soap and water, I'll follow her anywhere....
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The bumper stickers that say "god is good all the time" crack me up. I mean, I might buy the "god is good" part but not the "all the time" part. I mean, really..."all the time"...really? Is this the same god that gives one kid a pony and another leukemia?
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So I like the taste of soymilk but I don't quite get it, how is it milk? I mean, except for being a white semi-opaque liquid. Is that all it takes? And who gets paid to milk a soybean? Don't their hands keep slipping off the tiny little udders?
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When you are waiting to have sex and you really want to have it...everything makes you horny. Reading the ingredients on a box of cereal. The smell of laundry detergent. Listening to "Car Talk" on NPR. Totally random things.
"What is that? The theme song from The Golden Girls? Damn, I think I just came!"
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Okay maybe I do have a procrastination problem. But I've solved it by writing my "to do" list at the end of the day. I just jot down what I already did, and then check each item off. It can be a little depressing though, because yesterday only had two items 1. Eat cheetos 2. Look for porn on youtube. But in my defense, there are lots of cheetos in the world and not nearly enough porn on youtube.
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Beth Schumann says:
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Hi Kelli, haven't seen you around lately. Glad you're here on Daily Comedy so I can check in on you every so often!
Beth
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