A runway at JFK airport was shut down Wednesday morning after 78 turtles crawled onto the tarmac.  So let's recap:  Geese taking down jets, turtles shutting down runways, pigs spreading the flu...I'm starting to think Old MacDonald is a terrorist.   [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 10 Jul 2009

Sources say that Michael Jackson showed signs of IV drug use.  Sure enough, he had marks on his arm, syringes in his house, and in the past year, he tripled his home run total.  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 10 Jul 2009

Many of Governor Palin's supporters were shocked at her sudden, abrupt decision.  But let's face it...she named her kids "Bristol" and "Willow", so it's not like she's got a knack for thinking things through.  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Political
Keywords: alaska
Added: Fri, 10 Jul 2009

Due to the slumping economy, Six Flags is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.  Ironically, when they get to bankruptcy court, they'll have to wait in a line a mile long for two hours only to realize later that this ride really sucks. 

*This joke was also submitted to Late Night w/ Jimmy Fallon. [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords: court
Added: Mon, 15 Jun 2009

“The Hangover” stayed number one at the box office for the second week in a row.  And very similar to a hangover, those who paid to see "Land of the Lost" left the theatre doing the walk of shame.


*This joke was also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: hangover
Added: Mon, 15 Jun 2009

A new study finds that Krispy Kreme, Perkins, and Sbarro are some of the most vulnerable restaurant chains to hit bankruptcy.  The government could easily save them all, either with a bailout or simply by legalizing pot.  


*This joke was also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords: munchies
Added: Mon, 15 Jun 2009

Hall of Famer Joe Montana's son, Nick, after years of watching his dad, will play quarterback at the University of Washington.  In a similar story, Brett Favre's son is quitting school and then re-enrolling, then quitting again, then going back for a year, then taking a break, then flirting with going back, then back to quitting but still studying a little, and then it's just a guessing game.


*This joke was also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Sports
Keywords: football
Added: Sat, 13 Jun 2009

The election in Iran was a lot like one held in America.  People were passionate, there were corruption charges, and Dennis Kucinich finished dead last. 
*This joke was also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Political
Keywords: voting
Added: Sat, 13 Jun 2009

Jon Rubinstein – the computer engineer credited with building the iPod – has been named CEO of Palm.  They were going to give the job to the guy who created Twitter, but his resume stopped after just 140 words. 

*This joke was also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords: ipod
Added: Sat, 13 Jun 2009

Many are worried that Chrysler and Fiat form a team that looks good on paper but will crumble down the stretch.  Which explains why people call them "The automotive New York Mets".  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords: auto industry
Added: Thu, 11 Jun 2009

The Obama administration announced that they don't want to place caps on corporate executive pay.  Taking the news as a loophole, big manufacturers will now pay their CEOs in greenhouse gases.  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords: obama
Added: Thu, 11 Jun 2009

The Senate will vote on a bill that would give the FDA regulation control over big tobacco.  If it passes, teenagers can expect to be targeted by a new cartoon named "Uncle Sam Camel".   [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: News
Keywords: tobacco
Added: Thu, 11 Jun 2009

A Michigan woman who has visited a McDonald's for fifteen years received a surprise party at the restaurant on her 100th birthday.  Things unfortunately got awkward when Ronald McDonald accidentally made balloon animals out of her long, saggy breasts.  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Weird
Keywords: mcdonalds
Added: Mon, 8 Jun 2009

During a speech to commemorate D-Day, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown mispronounced "Omaha Beach" when he called it "Obama Beach".  It may not have been a mistake, because he later referred to the "Battle of the Bulge" as "Dinner at Rush Limbaugh's House".  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Political
Keywords: world war ii
Added: Mon, 8 Jun 2009

"Land of the Lost" continues to get horrible reviews.  So being full of old dinosaurs isn't the only thing it has in common with the Republican Party.  [more]

Author: Keith Alberstadt
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: land lost
Added: Mon, 8 Jun 2009