Sarah Palin told Oprah between commercial breaks about her relationship with Levi Johnston ." I'm really so sorry he didn't marry my daughter Bristol . We had so much fun together . Levi and I would play many games whenever he came over to our house . My favorite game was,  " Guess what book I'm gonna read next ? "  If I stumped him I would grab him by the crotch and yell " Gotcha ! "  ***  Oprah broke the news to Sarah that Levi was going to pose nude in Playgirl Magazine next month . " Oh I didn't know that Oprah," confessed Palin . " I'm gonna fetch me a copy just as soon as it comes out . I can't wait to see Levi's titties ! "

Putting a good spin on bad news : April 15, 1912 , White Star Liner officials announce, : Titanic sinks, but the good news is 705 people were rescued . Unfortunately 1517 died but they were mostly lower class steerage passengers  .  ****** Election Day November 7, 1972 : President Nixon beats George McGovern in a lopsided landslide victory. The McGovern campaign manager declared, " We may have lost 49 out of 50 states including George's home state of South Dakota, but we won Massachusetts ! "  ********  November 16, 2009  General Motors announces a loss of Only $1.2 Billion Dollars for the third quarter. President Obama was so pleased with the good news G.M. didn't lose another $6 billion of taxpayer money as had been expected.  He said on Chinese National TV, " I think it's time we pop open the champaigne bottles and celebrate ! "   .

A United Airlines pilot was arrested at London's Heathrow Airport yesterday for being drunk .  The co-pilot allegedly blew the whistle on pilot Erwin Vermont Washington just moments before they were to take-off . Washington denied he was intoxicated at the time of his arrest . As Scotland Yard detectives escorted Mr Washington out of the cockpit and into a waiting police car, he was heard shouting,  " You damned Brits still can't get over losing the colony 230 years ago ! "   Asked what he will do for a job afterwards, Washington told a reporter " I'll probably sign-up with Northwest Airlines . "

Sarah Palin's new book " Going Rouge " will be released in paperback just in time for the holiday season . You can obtain a copy at most local 99 cent stores . Look for it next to the Clapper and Chia Pet .   

The long awaited Michael Jackson film " This Is It " opened yesterday and immediately earned over 2 million dollars . The four remaining Jackson brothers  Jermaine, Marlon, Tito, and Jackie attended the premiere . CNN's Larry King called in to inquire about how the show was doing . Jermaine told King, " It's doing great Larry you should be here, Why aren't you here ? "  Larry replied, " I would but I'm doing my show. You know, I gotta work ."  A puzzled Jermaine thought for a minute then asked his brothers Tito, Marlon, and Jackie  " What does that word "Work" mean anyway ? "   One of the Jackson Brothers mumbled, " I'm sure I don't know but it was good Michael passed when he did because i was flat broke until now . " 

The pilots of that wayward Airbus A-320 now admit they were using their laptops while overshooting the airport by 150 miles . The laptop's names were : Flight Attendant Bette "Busty" Bennington and Flight Attendant "Fiery" Fiona Fiorentino .  Pilots Richard Cole and Timothy Cheney admitted to FBI agents and NTSB investigators, " That was one hell of a career ending Lap-Dance we got at 37,000 feet ! "

After flying in circles 150 miles past the airport, NWA pilot Richard Cole told Federal Agents in Minneapolis he had little to report about the mishap . " we were not asleep , we were not fighting or arguing, and we weren't drunk ."  FBI agents interviewed several passengers who said everything seemed normal until flight attendant Bette "Busty" Bennington went inside the cockpit .  The voice recorder in the cabin didn't tell investigators much in the way of spoken words . However there were a lot of  " Ohhhhhh's,"  " Ahhhhh's," " Mmmmm's,"  and a few " Yes! Yes! Yes's " and many " Oh My Gods,"  heard on the tape .

Mayumi Heene told investigators while being interviewed last week the whole thing was really a well planned hoax . Mayumi had not hesitated to squeal on husband Richard during intense questioning, said Sheriff Alderden . Mayumi went on to say  " What the hell do I care about Richard now ?  I got the media attention I wanted and I just got my Green Card ! "  .......... A very angry and emotionally upset Richard Heene was heard screaming  " This is the most treacherous thing that has ever happened since the attack on Pearl Harbor,"  referring to Mayumi's Japanese ancestry .

Rumor has it Rosie O'Donnell and wife Kellie Carpenter may be heading for splitsville . Rosie admitted she had a feeling once they made gay marriage legal this would happen ....  In other news, the producer of  Paris Hilton's Best Friend Forever show have offered Rosie O'Donnell her own reality series next season .  Some possible titles for the show are  " Who Wants To Marry An Obese Obnoxious Lesbian " or  " The Dykes Next Door  " and finally ...  " The Rosie O'Donnell Bad Butch Needs A Hot Bitch Show  "

After being in the lime-light during the past few days, reality has now sunk in  . Mayumi Heene faces possible jail-time and may even have her 3 kids taken away . " What are you gonna do now Mrs Heene ? "  asked a CNN reporter .  " I plan go back home soon . I want sneak into North Korea . Please Bill Clinton, No come rescue me ! "   replied Mayumi .