In rememberance of 9/11's 5th anniversary, George Bush has ordered a plane to fly into a building on the 11th of every month. Cory's was first. 

JACKSONVILLE, FL --  McDonalds revealed today their plans to serve breakfast all day.

Stating that,

"Breakfast isn't just for mornings anymore."

This statement left unemployed minorities across the country asking the question,
"What the hell is morning?"

Duane "Dog" Chapman (C) and wife Beth leave Federal Court in Honolulu after he was released on bail September 15, 2006. Following his release "Dog" will have to comply with 2 conditions of his bail.

1: He must stay within 150ft of his home between the hours of 11:00pm and 5:00am.

2: He must stay 150 ft AWAY from his hair crimper.

Trouble is brewing in paradise.

The new season of Survivor is already experiencing difficulties with it's contestants. Producers have stated that the Asian team has opened up 3 nail salons and a All You Can Eat Buffet, the Hispanic team has multiplied from 5 contestants to 28, the Black team called in sick, and the White team is happy as long as the Asians, Hispanics, and Blacks stay off of their side of the island.

JERUSALEM (Sept. 19) - Hilda Shlick thought she lost nearly all her family in the Holocaust -- until her Internet-savvy grandsons located her 81-year-old brother in Canada. A movie documenting the reunion is said to already be in development. Mel Gibson has been named director.

Baby Was Abducted From Missouri Home on Friday

UNION, Mo. (Sept. 19) - Police released a sketch Monday of a woman they believe stole a baby after slashing the mother's throat, hoping to generate new clues in the four-day old case. PunKed star Ashton Kutcher is being held in connection with the abduction pending  further questioning.

New Walking Shark and Other Species Highlight Gaps in Ocean Knowledge

Sept. 17, 2006 — Two recent expeditions off the coast of Indonesia have revealed a remarkable "lost world" of marine species that researchers believe are new to science, including a shark that "walks" on its fins. Scientist are also reporting that a pig has flown and a cow jumped over the moon.

Patricia Lawford, sister of President Kennedy and ex-wife of actor Peter Lawford, died today at 82. This marks a first in the Kennedy family, as her death did not involve bullets, planes, or alcohol.......yet.

A MAN has been charged with kidnapping and raping a 14-year-old American girl who was found in an underground bunker after alerting her mother by text message. Also found hiding in the bunker was a large Australian stingray.