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Registered on: 12/18/06
Location:
NJ
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/JohnDelery
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Biography:
I'm a comedy writer trapped in a copy editor's body. Please free me. Please.
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Page Views: 845
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Jokes: 14
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Videos: 0
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Comments: 1
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Fans: 1
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This just in: Rare 111-year-old reptile to become a father.
Uh-oh. A scandal like this could really hurt the McCain campaign.
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Mayor Carolyn Kirk denies that 17 girls at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts made a pact to become pregnant and raise their babies together. Kirk now attributes the rash of pregnancies to the school’s insanely successful Breeding Is Fundamental program.
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In an attempt to shed light on the obesity epidemic nationwide and in the fattest state in the U.S., three state representatives are proposing a bill that would ban obese customers from restaurants in Mississippi.
Hey, if the plan works at the state level, Congress is thinking of amending the Patriot Act to include the obese on the FBI’s no-fry list.
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A friend of mine has Traumatic-Post Stress Syndrome, or what he calls fear of mail. I figure he inherited the condition from his father, who works for the post office. He’s a carrier, after all.
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Utah police desperate to reach their quota of WTF arrests, apprehended a 70-year-old Orem woman, and, after a struggle, charged her with “failing to maintain her landscaping.” Besides being an eyesore, authorities say a brown lawn violates Utah’s strictly enforced Whitest State West of Vermont edict.
“I’d a thought by now that homeowners around here woulda learned that brown lawns is as offensive as black skin,” said the arraignment judge, Klayton K. Klancy.
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A Russian governor encouraged workers to stay home and make love to help boost the nation’s dwindling birth rate. And to help raise money to recharge the U.S. economy, the Speaker of the House urged every member of Congress to return to their home states and screw the middle class!
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Eeeeeeeeesh! Just saw the disturbing "Viva Viagra" TV commercial, and afterward all I wanted was a stiff drink. Stop all the smirking, guys: No matter what the makers of "natural male enhancements" say, an erection does not count as personal growth.
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I have a new girlfriend! Actually, we're “friends with benefits,” though not in the usual sense of that expression. We're not having sex…but I am on her dental plan.
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Police in Florida arrested a 6-year-old pupil at Avon Elementary School and charged her with three crimes after the girl allegedly threw a felony tantrum. Teach this li’l crimin'l a lesson now, I say, before she goes on a rampage at recess and becomes a serial kicker.
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Beginning immediately, soldiers deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan will serve 15 months instead of 12 months in the two war zones. It’s “a difficult but necessary interim step,” Secretary of Defense Robert Gates says, adding, “An extended trip overseas? Most people would kill for that — which, incidentally, is all we’re asking of these troops.”
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Jim Cady says:
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Love all your stuff. Great Work!!!
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