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John Curtis
John Curtis
"The next time I go to Chicago I'm going to visit Illinois."

Chicago, IL

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John Curtis
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Carmelo arrested for DUI

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Apr 15, 2008
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Cop

1357 Jokes  15 Videos

Hours after his worst game of the season, Denver Nuggets All-Star Carmelo Anthony was arrested Monday on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol.

Police say he was weaving and visibly intoxicated. And they're saying it could have been even worse. Yeah, but fortunately he only converted 27% of his tequila shot attempts.

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John Curtis
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Tanker spills hog manure

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Nov 9, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Dane Cook

22 Jokes  2 Videos

A tanker hauling 6,000 gallons of liquefied hog manure tipped over, spilling about 3,000 gallons of the waste along an Indiana highway, police said.

In other news, for the remainder of his tour, Dane Cook will be without about half of his material.

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John Curtis
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Giraffe named in honor of Red Sox

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Nov 5, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Boston Red Sox

80 Jokes

In honor of the Red Sox World Series victory, zookeepers at the Franklin Park Zoo named a baby giraffe "Sox."

In a statement, zoo officials said they chose the name because of the female calf's long legs, good eyesight, and four-year $18 million contract.

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John Curtis
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Schwarzenegger learned to negotiate in hot tub

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Nov 5, 2007
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Arnold Schwarzenegger

39 Jokes  3 Videos

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said he learned the art of negotiation while sitting in his backyard jacuzzi before running for governor of California.

The governor added that as soon as the hot tub is fixed, he will learn the art of vowels.

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John Curtis
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Pedestrians in more danger when time changes

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Nov 3, 2007
Category: News  

According to scientists, after clocks are turned back this weekend, pedestrians will be three times more likely to be killed by cars than before the time change.

Meanwhile, drivers will be three times more likely to receive between 600 and 800 points.

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John Curtis
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Pakistan in crisis

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Nov 3, 2007
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Pakistan

49 Jokes

Pakistan in crisisWith Pakistan's transition to democracy in turmoil amid rising Islamic militant violence, can the Colts hang with New England's high-powered offense?

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John Curtis
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Yahoo the preferred search engine for sluts

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Oct 23, 2007
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Yahoo

34 Jokes  1 Videos

Yahoo the preferred search engine for slutsI don't think this is what little Mary's parents had in mind when they told her to research how to give a great presentation.

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John Curtis
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70 punished in accidental nuclear flyover

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Oct 20, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

North Dakota

8 Jokes

The Air Force punished 70 airmen involved in an accidental flight of a B-52, armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles, from North Dakota to Louisiana.

As punishment, the men were all sent back to North Dakota.

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John Curtis
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Thrashers fire coach Bob Hartley

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Oct 19, 2007
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Hockey

188 Jokes  1 Videos

After a winless start to the first week of the season, the NHL's Atlanta Thrashers fired its coach Bob Hartley on Wednesday. Atlanta media reports his firing has upset the entire Thrashers fan.

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John Curtis
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Britney Spears involved in fender bender

By: John Curtis (C)
Submitted: Aug 8, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Britney Spears

191 Jokes  8 Videos

X-17 Online is reporting that Britney Spears was headed to a pharmacy when she hit and damaged a parked car while pulling into a parking space.

The bad news for Spears: she wasn't in a car.

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Biography
John is an accomplished parallel parker and avid Stratego player who founded
The Giant Napkin, a satire news website adored by dozens, in 2007.

Several of John's articles have become popular on social news websites, such as Fark.com, Propeller.com and Digg.com. John writes and edits on a freelance basis, as well, having been denied by hundreds of full-time writing job providers.

To this point, John has made an impressive 38 Facebook friends.

www.thegiantnapkin.com
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