Lindsay Lohan is tired and stressed over reports of her late night partying. She says she has changed her ways. Her friend Tara Reid has introduced her to happy hour.

The morning after pill will be sold over-the-counter

soon in N.Y. Women can take the pill if they get drunk 

and make a mistake, to avoid a pregnancie. Now if they

could only come up with a pill for men for when we get

drunk and make a mistake, and take your ugly fat smelly

asses home...Opps, maybe I said too much!

A New Jersey woman is suing a N.Y.

bar because she fell and hurt herself

while taking part in a contest named

Shake it like Shakira.  The bar will dis-

continue the contest and replace it with

a new one named Shake it like Michael J. Fox

The British have come up with a silent plane.

Now if they could only come up with silent fucking kids.

MY GIRLFRIEND Shakira pictured here with

1930's  I-POD

Rev. Ted Haggard says he bought Meth. but didnot

use it. He hired a male prostitute for a "massage." Personal note

to my girlfriend."See honey the houseboy Tito was only giving me a massage."

The oldest known U.S. worker Waldo McBruney 104 years old

says he will retire soon to follow his dreams of being the best

Katherine Hepburn impersonator.

Actor Neil Patrick Harris claims he is a very happy gay man now that his pastor, Rev. Ted Haggard, has given him crystal meth and the name of a great massage therapist.

Rush Limbaugh accused actor Micheal J. Fox

of faking all that shaking. He was also overheard

saying that Stevie Wonder can see, Chris(Superman)Reeves

is still alive can walk and fly if he weren't faking it, you know how

those Hollywood folks are.