This incredible photograph catches President Bush a split-second before a metallic Borg implant burst from his cheek. He then declared he was going to assimilate all Muslims.

When asked for comment, Borg Queen Dick Cheney replied, "Up yours, drone!"

An Iranian-American woman is set to become the latest space tourist. She has been training in Russia for the past month.

Prior to that, she spent three months at JFK International Airport trying to get through security.

A dead body floated up near the filming location of CSI: Miami. "Unfortunately, it's not unusual at certain times of the year," said a Miami detective.

Interestingly, earlier in the week a body was found in a building where CSI: Las Vegas was shooting. Police didn't consider that death suspicious, either.

Only on CBS, home of "Murder, She Wrote" could bodies pop up around the same people time and again and not raise suspicions.

No, wait. It's just another model who couldn't figure out the correct way to get dressed.

katie Couric interviewd George W. Bush on the news last night. CBS News officials were excited, because the combined air in the heads of Bush and Couric guaranteed to lift the struggling program's ratings.

Pluto was declassified as a planet today. In an effort to appease DisneyCorp, which was upset at losing the only planet named after a character, the International Astronimical Union agrees to name the remaining planets after the Seven Dwarves.

In a related story, to achieve a seven-planet solar system to accomodate this new naming convention, DisneyCorp was allowed to use a super-secret missle stored in EuroDisney to destroy the planet Uranus. DisneyCorp executives said the planet's name made them "uncomfortable."

A study on how emotions cloud memories found that Red Sox fans have fuzzy memories about the historic 2004 ALCS victory over the Yankees.

You mean my cherished memory of George Steinbrenner dressed in drag, wearing a pink Red Sox cap, curled in a fetal position behind the pitcher's mound, chanting "UNCLE!" over and over again didn't really happen?

Airport screeners are now prohibiting gel bras from airplanes. Do they confiscate them at security?

how long until some guy will figure out he can pass the time at the airport by tipping off security that the most attractive woman in line is wearing a gel bra?

NASA is still trying to locate footage from the first moon landing, the single biggest moment in human spaceflight history.

Meanwhile, NASA officials say everything is in order for the upcoming launch of the Space Shuttle Atlantis. Commander Brenth Jett responded, "Um...yeah. Riiiight."

North Carolina state Senator Charles W. Albertson pushed for a climate-change panel despite the fact he is "not completely convinced" that human activity is behind Global Warming.

Later he reluctantly expressed support for NASA even though he still can't comprehend how the space shuttles can orbit a flat planet.