People outside of America can't understand why Americans re-elected George Bush.I always say - the country had a nervous breakdown after 9/11, and we would have followed a retarded chimpanzee as our leader. And that's exactly what happened. [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 23 Nov 2006

Donald Rumsfeld is stepping down as Secretary of Defense, screaming, "If I can't play with my bomb, I'm going to go home!!!" [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 8 Nov 2006

Conservatives have proven, conclusively, that they are unable to govern the country because they are serving in an institution, the government, that they fundamentally don't believe in. It's like asking a Rabbi to preach at a Baptist church. "Let us all bow our heads in prayer to....uh, does it have to be Jesus?? Oy!!" [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Sun, 5 Nov 2006

Rev. Ted Haggard was accused by a male hustler of paying for sex once a month for three years, and doing crystal meth, while simultaneously preaching against gay sex. If I did all that, I'd be haggard, too. [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 3 Nov 2006

A new calendar put out by the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute features monthly pinups of "great conservative women" such as Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.The subtitle of the calendar is, "Where erections go to die." [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 1 Nov 2006

Dick Cheney said that the US doesn't "torture," but that we have a "robust interrogation program." Your honor, I didn't "rape" her, we just had a "robust exchange of fluids." [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 28 Oct 2006

After the New Jersey Supreme Court voted to legalize gay marriage in the state, George W. Bush restated his position that marriage is a "sacred institution."Meanwhile in Las Vegas, a drunken homeless man picked up a crack whore at Jiggles strip club at 3 a.m. The two went to a wedding chapel where an Elvis impersonator on crystal meth joined them in said sacred institution. [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Fri, 27 Oct 2006

Several movie theater chains, including Regal Cinemas, have refused to show the film "Death of a President" because it shows the assassination of President George Bush.Said a Regal executive, "We don't want to falsely get the American people's hopes up." [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 25 Oct 2006

Two gay men were on an American Airlines flight, one asleep with his head on the other's shoulder, and a flight attendant came over and told them to "stop that, the touching and the kissing." She then saw a Muslim trying to light his shoe on fire, and said, "Need a match?" [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 24 Oct 2006

Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick relax on the sidelines [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 24 Oct 2006

A military general recently said "The situation in Iraq is not winnable in any sense of the word 'winnable.'"However, it may be winnable in the sense of the word "loseable." [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 21 Oct 2006

In the new movie "Shortbus," a comedy-drama with hardcore sex, three guys are having a three-way when one of them starts singing "The Star Spangled Banner" into another guy's ass.Oh, how I love a good musical. [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: News
Keywords: porn america
Added: Wed, 11 Oct 2006

In a secret closed door meeting, the leaders of the world gather for a 12 step recovery meeting:"Hello, I'm Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, and I am a megalomaniac."HI, MAHMOUD. "Herro, I'm Kim Jong Il of North Korea, and I am megaromaniac."HI, KIM. "Buenos Dias, soy Hugo Chavez de Venezuela, y yo soy megalomaniac, pero George Bush es el Diablo."BUENOS DIAS, HUGO. "Hello, I'm Jacques Chirac, and I'm French, so I don't care. I want cheese." HI, JACQUES. "Hello, I'm George W. Bush of the United States, and I'm a mega - macca - I'm a - mahalia - a macarena. I do the macarena. Hey mamma mamma let me do da macarena, hey - er - I'm George W. Bush and I approved this message." [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 11 Oct 2006

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is now everywhere, leveling conservatives in a tornado of twisted logic. They say that the only way to stop corruption by fellow Republicans is to keep electing more Republicans. They say that the only way to stop activist judges is to elect more Republicans, who will then appoint activist judges. They say that the only way to win in Iraq is to retain the same people that got us into the disaster in Iraq. The conservatives who say that they are disgusted with the behavior of Republicans insist that America will go to the dogs unless they keep Republicans in power. The party that brought you Tom DeLay, Jack Abramoff, and other poster boys of political corruption insist that only they can stop political corruption. Now the “family values” party, while covering up the misdeeds of one of their own who did not practice family values, says that now that they have gotten rid of him, only they can go back to protecting family values. It reminds me of when I stopped smoking, and how food tasted so good that all I wanted to do was smoke. The Mark Foley scandal, already dubbed “Masturgate,” by someone after my own heart, has become a dizzying three-ring circus of blame. Everyone blamed Foley. Then Democrats blamed Republicans. Then Republicans blamed other Republicans, until they realized that this is an election year, so they blamed the media and Democrats. Meanwhile, the Extinguished Gentleman from Florida blames his alcoholism, as well as his alleged abuse by a clergyman, as the excuse for his Instant Message-aholism. I’m waiting for someone to blame Al Gore for creating the internet. These guys are riding on such an out of control moral merry-go-round it’s a wonder they don’t get flung into the bushes. But in this carnival of hypocrisy they have to blame someone, so the latest FOX News marching orders have been beamed out to the conservative Borg: blame the gays. Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council said, “When you put up tolerance and diversity, this is what you get.” We’re always a great punching bag. It’s our fault that the family is falling apart, that AIDS is everywhere, that teens are posting naked pictures of themselves on MySpace, that closeted gay politicians are hanging out in restrooms and seducing underlings, that the designers on “Project Runway” are bitchy. According to Falwell and Robertson, 9/11 was our fault too. Some even blame us for making Al Qaeda mad enough at loose American morals to keep those bombs and videos coming. Now it’s our fault that a horned up 52 year old closeted Republican can’t keep his kittens off the keys, and the secret cabal of gay Republicans who allegedly protected him.So let me get this straight - we previously had no clout whatsoever, but now we’re so powerful we can protect a congressman who sent IMs and emails worthy of Ron Jeremy at his most verbal to teen pageboys and who actually had cybersex during a house vote? Did Bruce and Lance of the House Homo Mafia lurk in the shadows, and then exchange Blackberry notes saying, “All clear for Maf54 to resume typing and whacking”? Cliff Kinkaid, of the right-wing “Accuracy” in Media, said, “For the sake of honest and open government, not to mention protection of the children, the secret Capitol Hill homosexual network must be exposed and dismantled. But only Republican leaders can do that.” In other words, the party that has destroyed honest and open government is the only one who can ensure honest and open government. And Republican gays, who previously were invisible, are suddenly popping out of nowhere like mosquitoes in August. Never mind the rapidly unraveling trail of deceit and cover-up emerging from the powers that be, passing the buck quicker than a Vegas cashier. Blame the gays, and you’re home free. [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Blogs
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 11 Oct 2006

At her Madison Square Garden concert, Barbra Streisand was heckled by an audience member during her tirade against President Bush, at which point she yelled, "Shut the f**k up!"Streisand then announced her new movie, "Mentl." [more]

Author: Jim David
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 10 Oct 2006