Celebrity couples have all become subject to cute combo-names: Bennifer, TomKat, Brangelina, and now...

Gyllenspoon

What if, instead of restricting this practice to those who are actually banging each other, we also applied it to Presidential tickets?

For instance:

HillBama

And on the Republican side:

CondiCain

Or, here's a good one:

MormonDick

Or, if Hillary doesn't make the cut....

Barack O'GuyWhoseWifeHasCancer [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama hillary clinton john edwards mitt romney dick cheney jake gyllenhall reese witherspoon
Added: Tue, 10 Apr 2007

One cannot begin a comedy show this week without some comment on the mess that is Anna Nicole's death.

First Anna's son died in the hospital room where she had just given birth to her daughter. Then a paternity battle began between her ex-boyfriend and her lawyer/lover over who had fathered her daughter.

At first the press wasn't sure if she had actually married the lawyer/lover, and then it turns out the two had a wedding ceremony, but it wasn't legal. Then after Anna dies, Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, who is apparently a prince, claims he might be the baby's father.

Anna and Trimspa were being sued for making false weight loss claims. To get out of various legal troubles, Anna was trying to establish residency in the Bahamas. After her death, photos of her in bed with the Bahamian immigration minister surfaced.

Anna Nicole's mother suggested to the press that the lawyer/fiance might be responsible for Anna and her son's deaths. Now Anna's half-sister claims Anna used the frozen sperm of her long-dead elderly husband to get pregnant.

A judge has ordered the preservation of the body and it may take up to five weeks to determine a cause of death, although it's already in the news that Anna had two different breast surgeries since giving birth five months ago and was taking at least 10 prescription drugs when she died.

On top of that, of course, she was still embroiled in a legal battle over her ex-husband's money.

With all that mess surrounding a tragic death, and a tragic life, it's easy get caught up in the sensationalism, to get lost in our own lurid interest -- to lose sight of what's really important:

At least she died thin! [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 13 Feb 2007

The movie Hounddog is drawing criticism for a child rape scene involving twelve-year old actress Dakota Fanning. Upon seeing all the free publicity this got for the film, other movie productions have announced the inclusion of child rape scenes, including Garfield, that Eddie Murphy thing with the fat suit, and the Rocky Balboa DVD release deleted scenes.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 30 Jan 2007

Tyra Banks talked to People magazine about the "fat pics" snapped of her on vacation. Banks said that she is retired from modeling and no longer needs to maintain a strict diet. Despite this explanation, she was disappointed that no one wanted to hear her sing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going."  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 30 Jan 2007

Martin Luther King Day was met in South Carolina by protests both for and against the Confederate flag flying at the statehouse. At first peaceful, the protest turned violent when pro-flag demonstrators demanded that anti-flag demonstrators make them some collard greens. [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 17 Jan 2007

On Monday, Saddam's half-brother Barzan Hassan was decapitated during his hanging, which the Iraqi government was quick to declare an accident. Hassan was convicted of killing 148 people. According to the new Iraqi constitution, if the number's under 150, you get to keep the head.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 17 Jan 2007

The struggling Iraqi government was embarrassed at the leaking of a video of Saddam's execution, showing the former dictator's being taunted by Shiite witnesses, guards, and executioners. Prime Minster Nouri al-Maliki attempted to deflect attention from the leak by pointing out that there are many more interesting things to look at on Youtube, including Britney Spears' vagina, and a video of a small dog shitting on Kurdistan. In related news, witnesses to Monday's executions of Saddam's accomplices all signed pledges promising "no taunting," and indeed, the hangings took place in silence. Witnesses also pledges not to push Sunnis off of playground swings, or perform a move loosely translated as "the wedgie of genocide." [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 17 Jan 2007

MySpace has announced the launch of its French edition. Millions of American men facetiously thanked the multinational corporation for once and for all de-bonerizing the idea of come-ons from slutty young French girls.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords: myspace internet jenisfamous
Added: Tue, 16 Jan 2007

Following a racially charged outburst from comedian and former Seinfeld actor Michael Richards, the "n" word is now banned at Hollywood's Laugh Factory. In response to charges of censorship, the club reminds patrons that comics are encouraged to call women "c*nts" up to 35 times per set.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: michael richards racism laugh factory censorship jenisfamous
Added: Tue, 16 Jan 2007

New York twittered at news that skinny girls who faint from extreme dieting are the cause of a substantial number of subway delays. A representative from pro-anorexia website Gossamer Butterfly Self-Cutting Death Princess says "People with no legs slow down the bus all the time, and you don't hear anyone getting on their case about it."  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords: anorexia diet subway jenisfamous
Added: Tue, 16 Jan 2007

January 15th has been Martin Luther King, Jr. Day every year since 1983 -- except in Virginia.There, until the year 2000, Virginians celebrated "Lee-Jackson-King Day," because apparently adding the names of Confederate generals to King's holiday made the day more acceptable to absolute assholes.  Notably, during this same 1983-2000 period, Virginians also let Jews out of work for Yom Kippur-Arafat's birthday-Mein Kampf book club day.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 15 Jan 2007

I cannot help but notice that this MSNBC article entitled Sympathy for the dictator? is accompanied by a photo of Saddam dressed as a British detective.Ever notice that "Sherlock Holmes" and "Saddam Hussein" have the same initials? And have you ever seen them both in the same place?Now that "Saddam" has been hanged, I wouldn't be surprised if London saw an upswing in mistaken identities and outright letter-purloining.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Wed, 3 Jan 2007

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fractured his right femur while skiing with his family this weekend in Idho. Onlookers noted that the crying scene that followed was some of the most laughable acting they had ever seen.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 2 Jan 2007

In Lillington, NC, a woman was charged with malicious castration for grabbing a man's genitals during a Christmas party fight. This was upgraded from a charge of "benevolent castration" once police realized ... there is no such thing.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 2 Jan 2007

Hip-hop star Foxy Brown, who recently assaulted two women at a nail salon, is furious the media only reports her misdemeanors. "You never read about the wonderful things I'm doing,” said Brown. “How I pick up groceries for an old lady. I adopted two crack babies.” Social services clarifies that, actually, Brown adopted two babies, who have since become addicted to crack.  [more]

Author: Jennifer Dziura
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Tue, 2 Jan 2007