"So how much time have you spent on your knee's today?"

Questions acceptable to ask a Catholic, but no one else.

I had to leave my wife because she was getting to fat. We only had a 500 square feet apartment, she was throwing off the ratio.

You know you’re pathetic when a girl reveals that she is really a transsexual then turns you down.

Why is it most overweight women are in the healthcare field. Isn’t that like taking abstinence advice from a meth addicted prostitute with a drinking problem?

Kids are like Lotto tickets, a very small chance for something great, a much greater chance for disappointment.

I use to wonder how as a fat child I was so good at dodge ball, and then I remembered I went to a religious school, the only thing they could dodge was reason and scientific truth.

What is it with Facebook games like Mafia and Farmville. I guess people need to balance their murder and violence with beets and little lost sheep.

Woman Gets Pregnant while Pregnant!

 She and her husband learned that she was carrying two babies and they're not twins. They were conceived two and half weeks apart. Doctors suspect it is a condition called superfetation, although they can't officially confirm it until after the babies are born and chromosomal studies are performed.

See this is what happens when the pool boy has to come back because he forgot the chlorine. 

Is it just me or is Broadview security afraid to show any minority robbers? I haven't seen so many white criminals since the Dirty Dozen. I think I need to file an affirmative action suit. 

I was watching the footage from the Twilight convention this weekend. I haven’t seen that many fat women in one place since the great Sara Lee give-a-way of 06.