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Male
Registered on: 12/05/07
Location:
Totton, CO
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/Hillariousenglishman
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Page Views: 444
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Jokes: 5
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Videos: 0
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Comments: 0
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Fans: 2
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Four people met on a plane. They were from America, Britain, Russian and Pakistan. The American says im a CIA agent, the British says i'm an MI6 agent. the russian says i'm a KGB agent and the Pakistani says i'm a news agent!
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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 i was walking past a special needs school and i noticed a sign that said "slow children." that can't do much for their self-esteem. but look on the bright side-- of course, they cant read it!!!
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Yesterday i bought a teddy bear for $15 and i have just successfully sold it on ebay for $30 now i have the muslims after me for making a profit out of a teddy!!
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