Overheard at Work:

Co-Worker #1: Didja hear J.D. Salinger died?

Co-Worker #2: How did they know? 

Right wingers calling him a socialist Nazi, Repugs obstructing his every move, Tea Partiers bringing firearms to rallies and being openly disrespected by fellow politicians, even Supreme Court Justices during his addresses to the nation...if I didn't know any better, I'd think some Americans have a problem with Barack Obama just because he's faithful to his wife. 

News Headline: Billy Joel's Daughter Hospitalized. 

Well...I hope it's not a heart attack...ack...ack...ack...ack...ack...

Mind-blowing thirst on an uncomfortably full stomach. 

Cleaning up after 8 years of the Bush Administration is like having a six pound wad of gum in your hair. It's a delicate situation and nobody's helping; everybody to the left of you is trying to YANK it out, while everybody to your right is telling you what a lovely, grape-scented hat you're wearing.

Philadelphia Phillie Jimmy Rollins still maintains that his team is better than the Yankees, moments following their Game Six loss to their World Series opponent last night.

The only other notable thing said by Rollins during the press conference was, "Yes, I do vote Republican. Why do you ask?" 

News Headline: Protester calls former Australian PM ‘racist’ then throws boot at his head 

Well, that guy's screwed, now. Everybody knows that throwing a boot at a former prime minister is a bootable offense!

News Headline: Canadian Singer Killed By Coyotes

I'll save you the trouble - it wasn't Celine Dion...

President Obama has gone on record that he does not believe that racial bias has fueled the heated rhetoric coming from conservatives since his inauguration. Which is a perfectly logical stance for him to take, if you ask me - because really...you don't think he WANTS to get shot, do you?

Us Weekly is reporting that pop star Avril Lavigne has left her husband of 3 years, Deryck Whibley.

Apparently Lavigne came to this decision after Whibley botched a trust exercise at a couples retreat. She fell, and he just watched.