In his comments on the current jobless "recovery" yesterday, President Obama said he is looking "at new models for where future growth is going to come from." 
"We'll look at anything, except capitalism of course, that's crazy talk," he said. [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: obama capitalism karl marx socialist
Added: Wed, 4 Nov 2009

The Sun's enormous plasma balls may wipe out our technology-driven civilization, says  NaturalNews.com.
"Natural
fluctuations in the sun's atmosphere could cause it to fire a giant
plasma ball at Earth, shutting down the planet's electric grids and
leading to widespread social collapse, according to a report from the
U.S. National Academy of Sciences (NAS).
In other words, if the sun decides to "teabag" us, we're dead.  Thought you'd want to know.  [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Weird
Keywords: sun coronal mass ejection civilization doomed
Added: Thu, 15 Oct 2009

Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize for attempting to rid the world of nuclear weapons.  In an extremely close vote, Obama beat out my dog Pogo who was nominated for her numerous unsuccessful attempts to catch a squirrel.    [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: obama nobe prize pogo squirrel chaser
Added: Fri, 9 Oct 2009

AP | SEOUL, South Korea – According to North Korean's official news agency, former U.S. President Bill Clinton and detained journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, have left the country together.
Clinton always does well with the ladies, even in a police state.  I'd sure like to be in that 757 on the way home.  What a party. 
 
  [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: clinton north korea journalists laura ling euna lee
Added: Tue, 4 Aug 2009

Governor Mark Sanford's titillating revelations of an affair with a woman from Buenos Aires, Argentina is another indication of just how far the Republicans will go to win the Latin(a) vote....
 (Somebody had to say it.) [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: sanford south carolina latin latina argentina republica
Added: Thu, 25 Jun 2009

David Axelrod, presidential flack and red-diaper baby,  pronounced Barack Obama holy.  When asked about the president's first hundred days in office, he said, it was a "hallmark holiday."  
Axelrod added: "not even Jesus can touch this." [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama jesus holy holiday axelrod red diaper
Added: Thu, 23 Apr 2009

After a 32 year career at GM, CEO Rick Wagoner was forced out by the Obama administration. 
The White House says he will retire after a brief trial and speedy execution. [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: gm obama thugocracy wagoner
Added: Mon, 30 Mar 2009

Obama said today he would eliminate nuclear weapons. Right after he eliminated poverty, disease and sadness...

With Obama, we can expect a world safe for puppies..... [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama promises nuclear weapons election
Added: Wed, 16 Jul 2008

The New York Times reported today that comedians are finding it hard to lampoon Obama because there's no real "take" on him, that is something that just jumps out as goofy. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/15/us/politics/15humor.html

That is, except for the often photographed halos, appropriated presidential seal, leather-bound videos of his speeches from three weeks ago (hat tip: Terry Ann Rendon), oh and his promise to make the waters recede, but beyond that, there's nothing to make fun of.

Nothing to see here folks, move along.

http://theunfocused.blogspot.com/2008/07/heartache-late-night-comics-are-having.html?disqus_reply=906871#comment-906871 [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama messiah comedy dearth
Added: Tue, 15 Jul 2008

Stop helping me! [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama new yorker cover democrats media
Added: Mon, 14 Jul 2008

A 500-lb shopkeeper was released without bail after being arraigned in the courthouse parking lot. The 500-lb man is accused of selling knockoff Gibson Les Paul guitars.

The judge said it was the classic case of too fat to walk, too fat to fly. [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Weird
Keywords: fat man defendant
Added: Fri, 2 May 2008

"You can't kill the undead." [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Political
Keywords: hillary pa primary obama politics clinton
Added: Wed, 23 Apr 2008

The clone is groundbreaking because it creates the first same-sex, same-person relationship.

Let's see the Supreme Court work that out. [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: News
Keywords: clones embryo same-sex gay marriage
Added: Thu, 17 Jan 2008

Being John Rambo at 62 has certain pluses and minuses:

1) The only thing stiff in the morning are your knees.

2) The bad guys can't sneak up on you: you pee 6 times a night.

3) Your camp is littered with Icy Hot patches.

4) You fall asleep while firing your M-60.

5) You haven't had a good crap since the mid-90s.

6) You're easier to track, they follow the scent of menthol (see #3).

7) Your sciatica means the hot Asian chick gives you a back rub instead of a front rub.

8) Medicaid hasn't kicked in yet.

9) Rambo V to be filmed in The Villages, FL.

10) Senior discounts at the Gun Shack. [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: rambo stallone 62 old geezer icy hot sciatica
Added: Mon, 14 Jan 2008

MIAMI (Reuters) - An Afghan detainee has died from cancer at the prison camp at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, authorities said on Sunday.

Abdul Razzak, 68, who was undergoing chemotherapy treatment for colorectal cancer, was pronounced dead by a doctor at the base on Sunday morning, the U.S. military said in a statement.

Which gives real meaning to the term, habeaus corpus

An unidentified colonel was quoted as saying said, "one down, 290 to go." [more]

Author: Greg Contreras
Category: News
Keywords: guantanamo jihadi prisoner cancer death habeas corpus
Added: Sun, 30 Dec 2007