Obama said today he would eliminate nuclear weapons. Right after he eliminated poverty, disease and sadness...

With Obama, we can expect a world safe for puppies..... [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama promises nuclear weapons election
Added: Wed, 16 Jul 2008

The New York Times reported today that comedians are finding it hard to lampoon Obama because there's no real "take" on him, that is something that just jumps out as goofy. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/15/us/politics/15humor.html

That is, except for the often photographed halos, appropriated presidential seal, leather-bound videos of his speeches from three weeks ago (hat tip: Terry Ann Rendon), oh and his promise to make the waters recede, but beyond that, there's nothing to make fun of.

Nothing to see here folks, move along.

http://theunfocused.blogspot.com/2008/07/heartache-late-night-comics-are-having.html?disqus_reply=906871#comment-906871 [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama messiah comedy dearth
Added: Tue, 15 Jul 2008

Stop helping me! [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: barack obama new yorker cover democrats media
Added: Mon, 14 Jul 2008

A 500-lb shopkeeper was released without bail after being arraigned in the courthouse parking lot. The 500-lb man is accused of selling knockoff Gibson Les Paul guitars.

The judge said it was the classic case of too fat to walk, too fat to fly. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Weird
Keywords: fat man defendant
Added: Fri, 2 May 2008

"You can't kill the undead." [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: hillary pa primary obama politics clinton
Added: Wed, 23 Apr 2008

The clone is groundbreaking because it creates the first same-sex, same-person relationship.

Let's see the Supreme Court work that out. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: News
Keywords: clones embryo same-sex gay marriage
Added: Thu, 17 Jan 2008

Being John Rambo at 62 has certain pluses and minuses:

1) The only thing stiff in the morning are your knees.

2) The bad guys can't sneak up on you: you pee 6 times a night.

3) Your camp is littered with Icy Hot patches.

4) You fall asleep while firing your M-60.

5) You haven't had a good crap since the mid-90s.

6) You're easier to track, they follow the scent of menthol (see #3).

7) Your sciatica means the hot Asian chick gives you a back rub instead of a front rub.

8) Medicaid hasn't kicked in yet.

9) Rambo V to be filmed in The Villages, FL.

10) Senior discounts at the Gun Shack. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: rambo stallone 62 old geezer icy hot sciatica
Added: Mon, 14 Jan 2008

MIAMI (Reuters) - An Afghan detainee has died from cancer at the prison camp at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, authorities said on Sunday.

Abdul Razzak, 68, who was undergoing chemotherapy treatment for colorectal cancer, was pronounced dead by a doctor at the base on Sunday morning, the U.S. military said in a statement.

Which gives real meaning to the term, habeaus corpus

An unidentified colonel was quoted as saying said, "one down, 290 to go." [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: News
Keywords: guantanamo jihadi prisoner cancer death habeas corpus
Added: Sun, 30 Dec 2007

The Archbishop of Canterbury said yesterday that the Christmas story of the Three Wise Men was nothing but a 'legend'.

The Archbishop concluded his remarks by saying: "Merry F***ing Christmas" and "ho-f***ing-ho." [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: News
Keywords: christmas archbishop canterbury joke spoiler creep jerk
Added: Thu, 20 Dec 2007

Things could get ugly. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 17 Dec 2007

December 5, 2004; White House insiders say that Vice President Richard B. Cheney’s bout of arrhythmia was triggered when he was briefed on the latest National Intelligence Estimate report, which said that said Iran had likely ceased its weapons program in 2003.

According to anonymous sources, the Vice President grabbed his shotgun, jumped on his desk and yelled: “f**k ‘em, let's bomb ‘em anyway.”

The White House would neither confirm nor deny the report. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: iran nie estimate dick cheney report heart bomb irregular
Added: Tue, 4 Dec 2007

As high priest of gaia (the earth goddess), Al Gore blames humanity; offers ritual sacrifice (of others) to appease angry volcano-god.

In other news, draft-Gore movement gains steam. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: volcano erupts so al gore global warming popocatepetl mexico
Added: Sun, 2 Dec 2007

The AP lauds Hillary Clinton for being "the picture of calm in the face of crisis," referring to the taking of hostages at her Rochester, NH campaign office.

So, then it was only the media running around the kitchen screaming? [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: hillary clinton president candidate hostage crisis picture calm much ado nothing
Added: Sat, 1 Dec 2007

Armed Islamic crazies are rioting in the Sudanese capital, Khartoum. They are incensed because a British teacher allowed her students to name a class Teddy bear, Mohammed.

I am offended too, not for insulting Mohammed, but with sullying Teddy with the name of a 4th century nutjob who called himself a prophet.

Teddy Rules! [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: Political
Keywords: teddy uprising bloodshed jihad islam teddy bear teacher freedom
Added: Fri, 30 Nov 2007

The hostage stand off at Hillary Clinton's campaign office in Rochester, NH ended peacefully this evening. Police took Congressman Dennis Kucinich into custody without incident. [more]

Author: Greg Banks
Category: News
Keywords: hostages hillary clinton rochester nh dennis kucinich incident
Added: Fri, 30 Nov 2007