Punsters declare holiday. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: News
Keywords: condoleeza rice japan
Added: Wed, 18 Oct 2006

Days after his team's stunning, upset elimination from the Major League Baseball playoffs,  New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle tragically died when the small airplane he was piloting crashed into a Manhattan apartment house. He left no note. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 12 Oct 2006

Days after his team's stunning, upset elimination from the Major League Baseball playoffs,  New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle tragically died when the small airplane he was piloting crashed into a Manhattan apartment house. Survivng teammates Randy Johnson and Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez both immediately vowed they would pitch better next year. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 12 Oct 2006

The U.S. Congress passed a bill yesterday giving President Bush the expanded war powers he requested.Provisions of the bill include reclassifyng terror suspects as "the usual suspects,"  disallowing torture except when no one's looking, and replacing the Geneva Conventions with the Sadr City Conventions. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Political
Keywords: congress president bush george bush geneva conventions sadr city frank lovece torture
Added: Fri, 29 Sep 2006

From the Sept. 21, 2006, New York Times:Little Girl, 3 Million Years Old, Offers New Hints on Evolution   -  Front-page headline"What becomes alarming is when you see bones and start counting ribs."   -  Allure editor Linda Wells, on runway models.   The scientific mystery is solved: We all descended from supermodels. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 21 Sep 2006

"It's nice to be back," said the Space Shuttle's commander, Captain Brent Jett.His comment was seconded by Mission Specialist Rex Rocket, Lieutenant Jane Spaceway, and Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen.   [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 21 Sep 2006

"Scarlett Johansson Says She's Happy with Her Curves" -- Associated Press, Sept. 19, 2006And may we say we're happy for her. Next up: "Angelina Jolie Happy with Her Lips" and "Associated Press Happy with Hard-Hitting Entertainment Reporting About Breasts." [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: scarlett johansson headlines frank lovece
Added: Tue, 19 Sep 2006

The FDA said today that it has traced the source of the fatal, spinach-borne e.coli outbreak to a company called Natural Selection Foods. Natural Selection?? C'mon! They're almost daring you to try it and see who lives or dies!  [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Political
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 18 Sep 2006

Actress Lindsay Lohan got into a screaming match with mother Dina at a restaurant, upon discovering that the celebu-mom and friends were already on their second bottle of Cristal when the star arrived. As Linday stormed out minutes later, she was heard to shout, "Me and my homie Jay-Z say fuck this shit! Cristal dissed us! No baby-momma mine be down with dat!"  [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Entertainment
Keywords:
Added: Mon, 18 Sep 2006

The White House announced several new appointments on Sept. 5, including "American Idol" winner Clay Aiken to join the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities.We're just glad the President has decided to seek help, no matter who it's from.   [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: white house president bush george bush clay aiken american idol frank lovece
Added: Fri, 8 Sep 2006

"The New York Times" (Sept. 3, 2006)        "Opium Harvest at Record Level in Afghanistan"Damn, I knew I should have invested in those opium futures.  [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Political
Keywords: opium afghanistan new york times frank lovece
Added: Fri, 8 Sep 2006

"AM New York" (Aug. 24, 2006,)        "Iran nuke talks too little: U.S."Well, you know our country. We always liked those chatty smart bombs.  [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Political
Keywords: iran smart bombs am new york frank lovece
Added: Thu, 24 Aug 2006

The Associated Press reports that Forbes magazine has just named Milwaukee "America's Drunkest City."That's all. You don't even need a punchline when that's the legitimate news. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: News
Keywords: milwaukee forbes associated press frank lovece
Added: Thu, 24 Aug 2006

Astronomers in Prague today have decided Pluto is no longer a planet.  In related news, producers in Hollywood have decided Tom Cruise is no longer a star. [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: pluto tom cruise hollywood frank lovece
Added: Thu, 24 Aug 2006

I've got pneumonia and arthritis, asthma, diverticulitis, measles, mumps and whooping cough, kidney stones, my liver's soft, trichinosis and thrombosis, not to mention some neurosis, headaches and post-nasal drip, I fell down stairs and broke my hip, ingrown toenail and the gout, ran with scissors, poked an eye out, acid reflux, fallen arches, doctor says to eat no starches,glass eye with astigmatism, can't go dancing – got no rhythm, anaphylaxis, splitting migraines, sympathetic labor pains...   ... but other than that, I can't complain. How are you? [more]

Author: Frank Lovece
Category: News
Keywords: frank lovece you you?
Added: Thu, 3 Aug 2006