Good news for aging hippies: Scientists have found that smoking grass may stave off Alzheimer's disease. New research shows that the active ingredient in marijuana may prevent the progression of the disease by preserving levels of an important neurotransmitter that allows the brain to function.

Those afflicted with Alzheimer's are said to suffer from memory loss, impaired decision-making, and diminished language and movement skills.

Hmm... doesn't that sound an awful lot like the typical pot-smoker?

Officer.. wink, wink...  You didn't see me drunk, and I didn't ask if you were a Jew. It never happened... just like the Holocaust.

Officer, I was just kidding... er, kibbitzing. I didn't mean anything by asking if you were a Jew. Some of my best friends were Jews... my close friend Jesus used to be a Jew... I, probably, was once a Jew...

In a recent poll conducted by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell, Hillary Clinton has beaten President George Bush hands down.

In an episode that begins filming this week, Chevy Chase guest stars as a TV celebrity who spews religious epithets after being pulled over by police for drunken driving, the network said Tuesday. The story, titled "In Vino Veritas," is scheduled to air November 3.

Although there are similarities between the episode and Mel Gibson's recent legal troubles, a spokesman for NBC noted that the long-running "Law & Order" drama series "is completely fiction."

A spokesman for Mel Gibson denied he has filed a lawsuit because the show's executive producer, Dick Wolf, was Jewish. Wolf, who was born and raised a Catholic, called Gibson's claims "completely fiction".

George Bush took a deep tumble today when he lost his balance trying to break in a new pair of Pradas.

The E.coli outbreak, from eating fresh and packaged spinach, has reached such epidemic proportions that it's now being referred to as the Bucolic Plague, or "Green Death".

The reviews are in!

"Most outrageous... puts on a bizarre show" writes Kenneth Brazinet of the NY Daily News

 Hugo Chavez praying he was passed

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, hoping to bring his act to New York, drew laughs and gasps at the UN yesterday by mocking President Bush as "the Devil himself".

But he seemed to be a one-shtick phony. "Yesterday, the Devil came here. Right here. Right here. And it smells of sulfur still today," Chavez said, blessing himself with the sign of the cross, and folding his hands as if in prayer and glancing heavenward. The gesture drew laughter from the assembled heads of state.

Chavez's attempt at being the class clown was one of the most outrageous and unprofessional performances since Yasser Arafat wore a pistol into the General Assembly and Russian leader Nikita Khrushchev banged his shoe on a desk. As he spoke, Chavez was emboldened by laughter and applause from some of the world's diplomats. Clearly enjoying himself, Chavez left the podium with a chuckle. 

But most members in the audience were not amused. U.S. Ambassador to the UN John Bolton was overheard calling Chavez's performance "A comic strip approach to international affairs."

Richard Tienken and John McGowan, owners of the popular comedy showcase, stated they would not dignify that comment with a response. Reached at press time, Latino comics at the venue would only say that the club is open to Puerto Rican, Cuban and Mexican comedians. "Venezuelans have poor timing," expressed one with a smirk, who asked to remain anonymous.

Chavez' antics caused him to be dropped from Thursday night's iCaramba line-up. Refunds have been offered to ticket-buyers and his handlers were mum when asked if he will return for a future engagement.