In California, actor Nick Nolte's son has been arrested for driving under the influence of a controlled substance. After hearing this, Nolte called his son and shouted, “When I said follow in my footsteps. I meant ACTING!”

 Levi Johnston, the 19-year old father of Sarah Palin's grandchild, is posing nude for Playgirl . The countdown to Sarah Palin posing in Playboy: about three years six months.

 Burger King announced they’re going to make all their restaurants more futuristic. The new Burger Kings will have rotating chandeliers, TV-screen menus, and a time machine for customers to go into the future and see when they get diarrhea.

 Today Obama finished meeting with the Saudi king. Obama claimed it went well saying, "We both have a lot in common: We're both family men, we both want Middle East peace, and were both radical Islamic fundamentalists... Uh, wait, ignore that last part."

 Kim Jong Il has chosen his 26-year-old son as the next leader of North Korea. To celebrate, North Korea put on a fireworks show. For some reason, however, the fireworks contained Plutonium and were ignited underground.

  In Britain, the cuckoo songbird was added to the list of endangered species. Too bad, I really thought Amy Winehouse was feeling better.

 Thousands complained after a show broadcasted in Canada tastelessly joked about President Obama's possible assassination. Hmmm.. sounds like Canada just got the Fox News Channel.

 Former Secretary of State Colin Powell said the Republican Party needs to break free from the grip of Rush Limbaugh. Experts think this may be difficult since Rush's hands are always full of sticky cookie dough.

 British tourists were arrested in Crete insulting the Catholic church after they paraded themselves dressed  in nun attire and naughty lingerie. People who witnessed the scene called it "the weirdest Monty Python sketch ever".

 A Japanese company is now advertising a new literary experience — a horror story printed on toilet paper.
Of course if you want to create your own horror story on toilet paper, just eat at Taco Bell and wait an hour.