in light of recent economic times, I will not be mailing out fruit baskets this year as I am opting for sending out individual pieces of fruit in the mail...if you happen to receive an apple or an orange, it's likely from me....

Never confuse tai chi with chai tea...now I have no idea what to do with this limber Asian dude following me around all day...

Always a little puzzled when reports of Police finding 'suspicious remains' are broadcast.  Are there remains laying around that we're casual about that aren't newsworthy?

8 out of 10 remains are found by joggers, the other 2 are found by unsuspecting fast food patrons.

Let's help out our local law enforcement agencies and report ALL remains to authorities, regardless of how mediocre they may be.

Strange but true...

I'm sitting in one of the washroom stalls focusing on the number 2 when a voice pops up from the adjacent stall inquiring, "How you doing?"

Odd, I quickly try to dismiss with a smug, "Fine thanks"

Then I'm quickly puzzled by another response of, "What are you up to tonight?"

Awkwardly, I'm trying not to be rude or dismissive so I reply, "Just enjoying the show."

His response dropped my jaw when he asks, "So, how about we get together tonight after the show?"

Damn! There's a zinger... My bold reply, "Listen, no offense but I'm busy and..."

Quickly he cuts me off and states, "Listen babe, can I call you back, some idiot next to me keeps answering my questions."

Wondering where to find 'smashing the keyboard' as a warrantied option in the owners manual.  I'm thinking that 'Microsoft Works' isn't the most appropriately named program out there.

No matter how hard you bite the nuts, the chocolate never cares...

true story...my teacher wrote on my report card - "Daryl is boisterous, disruptive, inattentive and fancies himself as the class clown"...so I asked her if I could use this as a reference as I was considering getting into politics.

My therapist says I'm an obsessive compulsive, pessimistic procrastinator...I know I've got a ton of stuff to do...maybe I'll deal with it tomorrow but in any event, I don't really give a shit.

So...I'm in the middle of trying to eat my lunch, juggle my faxes, sort my emails, clear my voice mails and text messages AND I have two calls on the go and this cop pulls me over...as if I didn't have enough on my plate!  So he asks me if I was a 'wise guy'...

I didn't know how to answer...

Daryl...is wondering if fish think to themselves, "Oh boy fish flakes!" when we feed them everyday?   Do fish have feelings or are they just pretending to be happy for our enjoyment?