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"Genius!"
Male
Registered on: 06/26/07
Location:
New York, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/DanWilbur
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Biography:
Check out DanWilbur.com!
Recently deemed the smartest man alive by himself and this other guy, Dan Wilbur is proud to be a founding member of Bard College's Stand-Up Comedy Club. He has performed and produced several shows at Bard College, including two large shows that featured members of Olde English comedy troupe. Dan also produced a Roast of the (sort of) famous rapper Soul Khan, and performed an hour-long set at the Chautauqua College Club in Chautauqua, New York.
Dan has also written for Collegehumor.com, and submits videos regularly to Youtube with the comedy gurus, The Bard Bomb Squad. Based in New York City, Dan is the assistant to Gina Savage and Kambri Crews at Comix.
Dan has worked with comedians Mike Dobbins, Seth Herzog, and Becky Donohue.
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Page Views: 3515
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Jokes: 38
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Videos: 6
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Comments: 2
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Fans: 2
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 I think that girlfriends are a lot like iPhones: find a friend and dick around with his but don't go CRAZY and buy your own. Plus, iPhones are an excuse not to talk to anyone at a party. Then your roommate steals your iPhone and says he doesn't know anything about it, but you walk into his room one day (which is also YOUR ROOM) and there's your iPhone sucking your roommate's cock!
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 The Brobylonian Empire stretched from Western Asia to the verdant valleys of the Mediterranean. Their culture boasted many achievements, from the Tower of Brant, the Hanging Gardens of Brobylon, and a sexigesimal mathematic system, which included an understanding of the Pythagorean theorem long before Pythagoras. Too bad Pythagoras can’t use math to find the clit….where the f**k is that thing? However, the Bros are best known for the application of astrology.
F**king read the Wikipedia dude, f**k make you smart.
Horoscopes for the Week of July 4th:
Aquarius: You’re so original dude. I wouldn’t be surprised if you make the most original movie ever. Then you can just coast and hang with Ryan Reynolds and get bl**jobs with champagne.
Pisces: Dane Cook! What a f**king BRO!
Aries: Bro, listen. You need to shave the ‘stache. This is a Bro-ocracy, not a Cheer-ocracy. Read a book.
Taurus: Trent’s at 8. 31 Ave A. Don’t get confused and go to the Black Anus Bar and Grill again – even though that bar has those sweet BBQ wings and some really friendly dudes. Always a bro when you need one.
Gemini: Keg. Stand. Keg. Stand. Keg…stand. Keg stand, keg stand, keg Stand, KEG STAND KEG STAND KEEEEGGGG STTTTAAANND! Yeah! I f**king love this guy!
Cancer: Blue Moon? Where the f**k is the PBR? She’s changed you.
Leo: I read in Chloe’s astrology book that you’re independent. Which is totally true, you always leave the party to start the ghost riding competition. Watch out dude, because once I saw this kid run over himself on Youtube. F**k, dude.
Virgo: Lady Justice is blind, but Bro Justice is not. Remember that when Steve’s being a cunt about the microwave burritos again. Fucking NOT on the stove! They don’t taste better that way! F**king c??t.
Libra: Musical theater is kind of gay. But keep doing your thing man. That chick who played your wife in that last thing was pretty hot…I think…I don’t know. We showed up pretty blitzed. Was she a dude?
Scorpio: You say your going to the bar, but then you don’t call and go out with some muff-top bitty? I don’t mean to drag balls about this, but come on. Hershey highway?
Sagittarius: A centaur? That’s a sweet logo dude. I took my cousin to see Narnia, I thought it was going to be gay, but it’s almost better than Troy. Speaking of Troy, Brad, I heard you’re a Sag. You were f**king cut in that movie. Lets hang.
Capricorn: What? No. Naw dude. Naw. Woah….No.
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 I think what she was trying to say was not that she was hoping Barack would get shot, but just that it had been awhile since a really good assassination.
That, and if she did it herself, Jodi Foster might finally be interested in her. You know. Because she's a lesbian and whatnot.
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 From: RaffleBaffle.blogspot.com
By Cheryl and Corinne.
Cheryl,
George and I are so glad that you and Frankie came by last night. It was a gas! When Frankie did that impression of that Keenan Williams from Saturday Night, I swear I almost peed all over the carpet (and we just got it steamed!)!! I'm glad the spaghetti turned out the way it did, by the way, I spent over an hour making it, and the whole time, my youngest, Kevy, wouldn't stop badgering me ("Mommy, why can't I kiss you on the lips?" What an angel). Speaking of pumping you for information, I wish I could find out how Horatio made your hair look so good! Did he use that blow-dry thingamajig? I tell you, he could blow me any day of the week and I'd pay him anything! :)
Good news!
I got the new tickets in! The order came in from eBay and the tickets are FABULOUS. They're blue and I got the Ignie tiger printed on them. I can't wait for the kids to see them at the game this Saturday. When are we going to meet up and DISH already?
See more tales of middle-aged womanhood @
RaffleBaffle.blogspot.com
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Remember when inadvertent sexual references were funny? Me neither!
Meet the lovable REAL housewives of Suburban Cleveland on Raffle Baffle!
Cheryl and Corinne have been selling raffle tickets at Saint Ignatius High School for four years. Their lives are the quintessential success stories for all middle-age women living in these great United States. God Bless our President.
http://rafflebaffle.blogspot.com/
The Sitting Begins!
Corinne! I had a lovely time with you and George last night at dinner! Nothing like some spaghetti marinara to get my mouth just jabberin' away! I mean, a bowl full of soft and warm noodles and a half glass of that dry chardonnay from Oregon! Ooooweee! That's the little known secret for how to pump me for information, Mr. Bond! And spicy too! Your George sure knows how to get a party started. I had the energy of a teenager way past 11:00. My Frankie and I got home and couldn't even make it through one Law and Order. And it was an Criminal Intent even! Thank God for Tivo, otherwise (and I'll be honest with you because you know how tough this little bit of service work is) I might never make it to the boys basketball games! I have to have at least an hour of something I want to see on television, otherwise I can't relax. As we sit here, Oprah's Big Give is recording right now. I tell ya! If it weren't for that little box...shhh(!): I might have quit selling raffle tickets the second my Donny got through freshman year. That's when all the other moms gave up. But if I had done that, you and I would never have met! How tragic would that have been?
Come see more @:
Rafflebaffle.blogspot.com
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 There is a much needed comma missing from the title of Bill Cosby’s new book. It’s called “Come on People” and it has a bunch of white splotches on the front.
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 The sexy Scarlett Johansson will release her debut album: Anywhere I Lay My Head. The album features 10 Tom Waits covers and one original, which means she picked the one singer who ANYONE WILL SOUND BETTER THAN provided they are under 85, don’t use a voice box, and are not Bob Dylan. There is only one way that they could possibly market this: Sweet new remixes that ultimately focus on the Scarlett’s one selling point. Amazon.com has already released the following tracklist:
1. Just the Right Bullets (my tits)
2. The Black Rider (rides my tits)
3. I’ll Shoot the Moon (it’s the size of one tit)
4. The Heart of Saturday Night (is located on or near my titties)
5. November (was a cold month for my tits)
6. Christmas Card from a Hooker (me)
7. I Don’t Want to Grow Up (if it’s going to affect my tits)
8. Let Me Get Up On It (Remix)
9. Diamonds on my Windshield (look like nipples)
10. Big in Japan (comparatively)
11. Love is an Illusion (written and performed by me…while I was only wearing a bra)
12. Bonus Track: Fumblin’ with the Blues (and my boobies)
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 When I meet a famous comedian, it’s a lot like approaching a woman at a bar. I’m really confident about walking over and telling her I’m a comedian, until I see the expression on her face. Then I stutter and tell a joke I wrote in fifth grade. Then I just awkwardly shake her hand and walk away. Then I send her a message on myspace, which nearly always start with “So, this is weird…”
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