This past weekend, the movie "300" grossed lots of money and has gone on to be the first movie in history where everyone in the entire film has abs. Even the monster had abs. Several historians have gone on record saying that not all Spartans had abs back in the day. In fact, there once was a fat Spartan named Spiros , who refused to ever do a sit-up, and had to have a special "Gut-plate" made of bronze to protect his stomach in battle. He killed many Greeks, and a few Trojans, but, alas, choked on an olive pit one night at a feast, and his fat ass was sent out to sea on a burning raft like a viking funeral without the viking. Hollywood is now developing a film about Spiros, based on the graphic novel "Two Eggs Over, Whole Wheat Toast".

In it, Spiros time travels from ancient Sparta to modern day Newark, and opens Olympia Diner. All is going great until a couple of naked Greeks show up and start trouble. It eventually gets resolved after a heavy bout of anal sex with a guy named Zorba on a huge block of feta cheese. Tom Cruise is attached to play Spiros and Hugh Grant to play the block of cheese. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: 300 spartans movie abs
Added: Mon, 12 Mar 2007

After a visit to preacher T.D. Jakes' City Of Refuge Church, Death Row records founder Marion "Suge" Knight has finally seen the light. "We shouldn't be constantly feeding negative energy to these kids" he said. "You can get rich with the devils money but you can only be happy with God's money".

At a titty bar later that evening, Suge unhappily received lap dances and purged negativity by slipping only devils money between undulating ass- cheeks, while keeping Gods money safely tucked beneath his 9 millimeter. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: suge knight death row records t.d. jakes
Added: Fri, 9 Mar 2007

"Star Jones has finally become the skinny bitch we always talked about!" Joy Behar commented on yesterdays episode of The View as a picture of the newly svelte Jones loomed in the background. "It's wierd, it's just friggin wierd" yelled Rosie O' Donnell, who was feeling refreshed and vigorous after hanging upside down for an hour in the greenroom to "help with depression" and "to swell up my tongue so that it feels like a shlong when I give my lady-friend cunnilingous through a Dunkin' Doughnut hole". [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: rosie odonnell star jones view
Added: Fri, 9 Mar 2007

The principal at John Jay High school in Cross River N.Y. has suspended 3 students who defied a direct order not to say the word "vagina" during a reading of the Vagina Monologues. Principal Dick Hardly said: " I told the youngsters to refer to the v-words as "Goateed holes that come in the night and try to suffocate your face" or "secret places to store smoked almonds" but they had to go and sexualize things, and will be dealt with appropriately. I have been hearing about these v-word things' existence for a long time, but fortunately have never encountered a real one, don't believe they exist, and challenge anyone to prove otherwise." [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: News
Keywords: vagina monologues censorship
Added: Wed, 7 Mar 2007

Ernest Gallo, head of the worlds largest wine-making empire, died yesterday at 97 years old. At his funeral, there were many teary testimonials about his immense contributions to alchoholism around the world. "Because of that old nigga, I could buy a fresh box of wine for like 'fo dollas' " said Cleavon "Country" Mcdoogle, an unemployed squeegee-wielder from Chicago's south side, before solemnly pouring out a little chablis in remembrance. "The first time I caught a stinky finger from a crackhead , it was over a Dixie cup of Gallo '81" he concluded before getting into an argument with the voices that told him he was Napoleon Bonaparte. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: News
Keywords: ernest gallo wine
Added: Wed, 7 Mar 2007

Rosie O'Donnell got into a scrape with fellow "View" motormouth Elisabeth Hasselbeck on the show this week.

Hasselbeck, who is a conservative, stated that "It's okay if the "gubbernmint" wants to listen in on your phone conversations," at which time Rosie blabbed loud and non-stop for over 7 hours straight.

A male member of the audience who had mistakenly wandered in, listened to Rosie talk for 2 minutes and then shot himself in the head. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: view rosie o donnel elisabeth hasselbeck
Added: Tue, 6 Mar 2007

The New York City Council has joined other local government agencies to ban the use of the N-word. An attempt to ban other words that sound like the N-word is in the works. Among the casualties; Nicaragua, knickers, Nicorette gum, renig, and comedian Kat Williams entire act. In a desperate attempt to re-ignite (a word that is also banned so enjoy this last useage) the spotlight on his flailing career, comedian Paul Rodriguez is mounting a campaign against the household cleaner Spic n Span. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: n-word nicorette kat williams paul rodriguez
Added: Fri, 2 Mar 2007

Ex-supermodel Naomi Campell has been charged with assaulting yet another employee!

According to reports, Campell flew into a violent rage when her new assistant Natasha Skabowski put Sweet n Low in her coffee instead of Splenda.

Campell allegedly ripped off Skabowski's left arm, beat her over the head with it, and then made the wounded woman organize her jeans collection alphabetically by designer with the remaining arm. A judge who presided over the last case, stated that if this diva-like behaviour continued, Campell would be slapped with a fine, but was interrupted when Campell took a dump on his shoes, and called his mother a "bloody cow". [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Entertainment
Keywords: naomi campell violence cow assistant
Added: Fri, 2 Mar 2007

In a revealing new interview with the New York Times, best selling author Suze Orman outs herself as a lesbian and a 55 year old virgin.

Suze admits that "I have never been with a man my whole life," even though she regularly gives married couples counseling on her CNBC show.

So now the verdict is out; Suze has lots of advice, but she doesn't know dick. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: News
Keywords: suze orman lesbian cnbc
Added: Sat, 24 Feb 2007

A surge in web violence with the recent phenomenon of teens posting "beatdowns" has many parents worried about their children's behavior. The "beatdowns" involve several teens ganging up on an unlucky classmate and administering a horrific beating, then posting it on the net to shame the victim even more.One parent from the Midwest commented, "I don't know where my son learned to act like that, but when he gets home from school today, I'm gonna whup his ass." [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Sat, 20 Jan 2007

1) Daily Comedy has an exclusive excerpt leaked from O.J.’s book: “As the guy who was not me waited in the driveway with the knife that was not mine for my wife that I did not kill and Ron Goldman, he passed time by wondering when the next residual check for the luggage commercial he had done a while back would arrive in his mailbox. His neck was a little stiff from not being able to sleep the night before and his years of playing pro football on a different team than I played on.( I have to add here that even though he played pro football, he had tiny hands, that’s why the glove did not fit me later in the trial). As he waited filled with homicidal rage, he massaged a bunion on his toe, caused by the Bruno Magli loafers which were made of a cherry calf leather (which I would never wear because I love animals). It was then that he remembered he had to go to the DMV the following day to take care of all those parking tickets he had accumulated on the white Ford Bronco. Parking tickets, bunions, late residual checks: Oh, how he hated L.A.” [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Sports
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 18 Jan 2007

Thai zookeepers are trying to get an overweight panda in the mood to procreate by giving him diet pills. The bear, Chuang Chuang, has ballooned to 330 pounds and is too fat to have sex with Lin Hui, his cell-mate, so he lays around the cage all day watching a specially mounted TV.A spokesperson for the zoo summarized the situation by stating: “Our greatest fear has been realized; this panda bear has officially turned into an American.” [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: News
Keywords:
Added: Thu, 18 Jan 2007

Singer George Michaels, formerly of WHAM!, was paid three million dollars to perform on New Year's Eve by a Russian businessman. It marked the first time in Russia’s history that such a huge sum has been paid to an entertainer, and it was also the first time that a singer had performed his whole set through a glory-hole in an onstage men's room stall. One member of the audience commented that he couldn’t understand the lyrics but it didn’t matter because Michaels had a, "real purty mouth.” [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: News
Keywords: george micheals wham gloryhole
Added: Fri, 5 Jan 2007

Miken Tyson has been arrested for possession of cocaine, which he admitted to rolling into his Marlboros and smoking. "Hey, at least it's not crack," Mike quipped as cops escorted him away. The ex-champ had picked up smoking to help with the withdrawal from his intense oral cravings for chewing opponent's ears. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Sports
Keywords: mike tyson cocaine
Added: Fri, 5 Jan 2007

1) Shiek Muhammed Muhammed, a representative from the United Arabic League, lashed out at how the American media has continually shown the cell phone footage of Saddam Hussein’s execution. “It was bad enough that they showed footage of a man being put to death like it was a good thing...” he fumed. “...But what was completely unacceptable was the part at the end where the nerdy infidel in the blue jacket and glasses came out and said: “Can you hear me now?”. [more]

Author: DC BENNY
Category: Political
Keywords: saddam hussein execution
Added: Fri, 5 Jan 2007