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Registered on: 09/22/05
Location:
Brooklyn, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/DCBENNY
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Biography:
Check out my cd at http://dcbenny.com/
I am a big Jew who looks Puerto Rican married to a black woman with a PhD. My sitcom would be called "Please Pass the Platanos but not the chorizo."
I have a half-hour special on Comedy Central and have a featured role in the upcoming John Singleton film "Illegal Tender". You can also see in me in the film "Freedomland" with Sam Jackson.
To inquire about booking DC: booking@dailycomedy.com
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Page Views: 4374
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Jokes: 118
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Videos: 9
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Comments: 1
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Fans: 10
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This past weekend, the movie "300" grossed lots of money and has gone on to be the first movie in history where everyone in the entire film has abs. Even the monster had abs. Several historians have gone on record saying that not all Spartans had abs back in the day. In fact, there once was a fat Spartan named Spiros , who refused to ever do a sit-up, and had to have a special "Gut-plate" made of bronze to protect his stomach in battle. He killed many Greeks, and a few Trojans, but, alas, choked on an olive pit one night at a feast, and his fat ass was sent out to sea on a burning raft like a viking funeral without the viking. Hollywood is now developing a film about Spiros, based on the graphic novel "Two Eggs Over, Whole Wheat Toast".
In it, Spiros time travels from ancient Sparta to modern day Newark, and opens Olympia Diner. All is going great until a couple of naked Greeks show up and start trouble. It eventually gets resolved after a heavy bout of anal sex with a guy named Zorba on a huge block of feta cheese. Tom Cruise is attached to play Spiros and Hugh Grant to play the block of cheese.
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After a visit to preacher T.D. Jakes' City Of Refuge Church, Death Row records founder Marion "Suge" Knight has finally seen the light. "We shouldn't be constantly feeding negative energy to these kids" he said. "You can get rich with the devils money but you can only be happy with God's money".
At a titty bar later that evening, Suge unhappily received lap dances and purged negativity by slipping only devils money between undulating ass- cheeks, while keeping Gods money safely tucked beneath his 9 millimeter.
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"Star Jones has finally become the skinny bitch we always talked about!" Joy Behar commented on yesterdays episode of The View as a picture of the newly svelte Jones loomed in the background. "It's wierd, it's just friggin wierd" yelled Rosie O' Donnell, who was feeling refreshed and vigorous after hanging upside down for an hour in the greenroom to "help with depression" and "to swell up my tongue so that it feels like a shlong when I give my lady-friend cunnilingous through a Dunkin' Doughnut hole".
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The principal at John Jay High school in Cross River N.Y. has suspended 3 students who defied a direct order not to say the word "vagina" during a reading of the Vagina Monologues. Principal Dick Hardly said: " I told the youngsters to refer to the v-words as "Goateed holes that come in the night and try to suffocate your face" or "secret places to store smoked almonds" but they had to go and sexualize things, and will be dealt with appropriately. I have been hearing about these v-word things' existence for a long time, but fortunately have never encountered a real one, don't believe they exist, and challenge anyone to prove otherwise."
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Ernest Gallo, head of the worlds largest wine-making empire, died yesterday at 97 years old. At his funeral, there were many teary testimonials about his immense contributions to alchoholism around the world. "Because of that old nigga, I could buy a fresh box of wine for like 'fo dollas' " said Cleavon "Country" Mcdoogle, an unemployed squeegee-wielder from Chicago's south side, before solemnly pouring out a little chablis in remembrance. "The first time I caught a stinky finger from a crackhead , it was over a Dixie cup of Gallo '81" he concluded before getting into an argument with the voices that told him he was Napoleon Bonaparte.
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Rosie O'Donnell got into a scrape with fellow "View" motormouth Elisabeth Hasselbeck on the show this week.
Hasselbeck, who is a conservative, stated that "It's okay if the "gubbernmint" wants to listen in on your phone conversations," at which time Rosie blabbed loud and non-stop for over 7 hours straight.
A male member of the audience who had mistakenly wandered in, listened to Rosie talk for 2 minutes and then shot himself in the head.
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The New York City Council has joined other local government agencies to ban the use of the N-word. An attempt to ban other words that sound like the N-word is in the works. Among the casualties; Nicaragua, knickers, Nicorette gum, renig, and comedian Kat Williams entire act. In a desperate attempt to re-ignite (a word that is also banned so enjoy this last useage) the spotlight on his flailing career, comedian Paul Rodriguez is mounting a campaign against the household cleaner Spic n Span.
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Ex-supermodel Naomi Campell has been charged with assaulting yet another employee!
According to reports, Campell flew into a violent rage when her new assistant Natasha Skabowski put Sweet n Low in her coffee instead of Splenda.
Campell allegedly ripped off Skabowski's left arm, beat her over the head with it, and then made the wounded woman organize her jeans collection alphabetically by designer with the remaining arm. A judge who presided over the last case, stated that if this diva-like behaviour continued, Campell would be slapped with a fine, but was interrupted when Campell took a dump on his shoes, and called his mother a "bloody cow".
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In a revealing new interview with the New York Times, best selling author Suze Orman outs herself as a lesbian and a 55 year old virgin.
Suze admits that "I have never been with a man my whole life," even though she regularly gives married couples counseling on her CNBC show.
So now the verdict is out; Suze has lots of advice, but she doesn't know dick.
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